My Letter to a New Mum - Guest Post by Michelle Lia from Mumma Bliss

You have just been on the biggest transformation of your life in your pregnancy, now you are a new mum – congratulations! It’s such an amazing journey. There will be times where you just want to cry, but the rewards outweigh the frustrations.  You will feel exhausted, emotional and you may even start to worry about returning to work. You may start feeling depressed or suffer from anxiety.  BUT there are so many rewards, the first smile, the first time they look at you. Ahhh I remember those first moments, like it was only yesterday, now my son is 6 years old.

The one thing I wish I did when I became a new mum was to enjoy every single moment. Being present in each and every moment is the biggest gift of all.  These moments, even though they sound frustrating and stressful, they are just moments in our life. Your baby will grow, and move onto the next stage and before you know it they are at big school and not wanting to cuddle their mummy in public.

Trust your intuition – don’t listen to friends or family who place judgements on the way you should be mothering. Listen to your heart and follow your intuition – it’s always right.

Don’t worry too much.  Remember everything will always work out.  You may start to worry that you are losing your identity of who you were before you became a mother. I know this all too well. I started lose myself as a new mum. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I knew I needed to do something to make a difference by helping mums and serving others – that’s why I created MummaBliss.

Take time out for yourself. Make sure you spend 10 minutes per day to yourself doing something that feels good for you. Self-care practices are important to make sure you nurture the nurturer. Check out Daily Self-care for all mums. By doing this, you will have more energy to be a loving mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend.  Don’t feel guilty for taking some time out to yourself – it’s important. Always put yourself first.  Be gentle on yourself. Practice a heart breathing and meditation on a daily basis:

Bring your awareness up to the centre of your chest – to your Heart – your chakra of self-development and unconditional love or also called Anahata. Gently breathe into your Heart, letting it soften and expand on your breath. Invite the colour green. Bathe your heart centre with nourishment, renewal, healing. Say the words “I am loved”. “I am love” “I allow myself to give and receive love freely”“I am nourished by the power of love”. Practice this everyday for 40 days and notice miracles flow into your life, especially more love and more love for yourself.

I recently created a Mummy Manifesto, which is everything I believe in to be a happy, present and mindful mum. Here’s some of the quotes from the Mummy Manifesto – pin it up on your fridge as a good reminder.  I would love to hear your thoughts on the Mummy Manifesto. I poured my heart and soul into this project. It is something that I am very passionate about and believe it is the secret to motherhood. 

Begin your day with gratitude and love

Set a daily intention

Trust your intuition

List 3 things to be grateful for before bed

Be patient

Connect with your body

Spend 10 mins per day on yourself

Michelle Lia is a maternity wellness coach, yoga teacher, motivational speaker and founder of MummaBliss. I help mums let go of fear, anxiety and stress by living in the moment, connected and radiantly happy with yoga, mediation and self-care practices.  Visit www.mummabliss.com. You can also follow MummaBliss on Facebook www.facebook.com/mummablissoz.

Diary of a Second Time Mum - I May Be Wearing Granny Undies, But There Are Times When A Girl Still Needs Her Mum

Day and time is a mystery at the moment! This occurred some time in the past couple of weeks .....

Dear Diary

Tonight is one night of the week I've come to dread and I know I shouldn't but it is what it is. It's one of the nights I'm flying solo as mother of 2. My back up plan is working the night shift, which means all responsibility lies with me!

The afternoon goes well but once 6pm rolls around it's a whole different kettle of rotting fish. The planets seem to collide, erupt and explode simultaneously without the fanfare one would expect from such a dramatic occurrence.

Tempers are short and frayed, tantrums are plentiful,  there's a screaming child involved (and it's not the baby!), instructions are given and ignored, things escalate and get out of hand faster than a dropped match in tinder dry grass. There's something about the witching hour where all reason goes out the window.

By this time of the day, I am tired from the almost constant feeding of Little Mister and I am looking forward to dinner, shower and bed. When I am on my own with the 2 cherubs, things don't go to this smooth plan!

Tonight I almost lost my shizz completely. It was dinner time and although I'd taken a quiche out earlier, it hadn't made it into the oven yet as we'd had visitors in the afternoon. So it's 6 o'clock, Little Mister has started his cluster feeding early tonight, Little Miss is hungry for her dinner and I tell her I will make it as soon as I can. I feed Little Mister one breast, put him down, quickly make a toasted chicken, cheese and BBQ sandwich for Little Miss to put some substance into her tummy and send her for a shower. I know the nutritionists would be tut-tutting at me, but hey, for tonight it gets the job done!

That's when the proverbial hit the fan. Several requests and attempts to get Little Miss into the shower whilst Little Mister is hanging off my other boob severely failed. My temper flared and soon my voice was raised. She's standing there with her hands on her hips telling me she could do what she wanted when she wanted.

This didn't fly with me at all. My inner Aries fired up more like a lion than a ram!

My ace card of calling Dad at work was thrown aside when she tried to snatch the phone out of my hand as I was dialling. This was the final straw! Shower and bed for you Little Miss!

Meanwhile on the inside I was having my own mini meltdown. The "bad mother" voice began to kick in, but I wasn't ready to give into it. I did what any girl in trouble does, I called my Mum.

Somehow having Mum on the other end of the phone while Little Miss stood in front of me and told me she wasn't going to bed yet allowed me some time to breathe. It got me out of the heat of the moment to realise that the war that was raging on in my house was not the be all and end all. There is life outside of this little pressurised bubble that had been growing by the minute ready to pop at any given second!

Eventually once she realised she no longer had my full attention, Little Miss conceded and went into her room to read.

And now, 2 hours later she's lying in bed singing "10 Green Bottles ever so sweetly while I'm here grateful that I didn't resort to swigging one of those green bottles.

Some days are diamonds and some days are stone.
Tomorrow is a new day and no matter how tough things get,
I'll never be on my own.

Let's hope our next meeting is under better pretenses!

Love to you

Shanelle

xxx

Diary of a Second Time Mum - "The Advantages of Having a Koala Bear Baby"

17th July - 23 days old

Dear Diary

So this is where I am hanging out today.... on my bed, with my little man snuggled in closely and laptop on hand to keep me entertained in between feeds and naps.

It seems Little Man loves being closely snuggled between the milk bar and doesn't like being too far away from them at all!!

This experience is a new one for me. You see, I didn't get the snuggly, cuddly moments with my daughter for several reasons:
a) she was in a brace to correct her hip, so she was more like cuddling a box than a baby
b) I suffered severely from "First Time Mum Syndrome" and was too scared to cuddle for too long in case I created a "clingy" baby or did something wrong (I'm so grateful I got the opportunity to be a mother again!)

I know now that cuddles do not create clingy babies and it's okay to make up the rules as you go along. It makes so much sense that my baby wants to be close to me, after all we went everywhere together for 9 months, just because we are now 2 separate entities, doesn't mean that that changes anything! My Koala Bear Baby has taught me the following in a short amount of time:

• There's nothing better in the world than snuggling with your precious new little person
• Appreciating the moment for what it is, knowing that this time will never come again
• This time is a wonderful opportunity for me to rest and catch up on sleep. Naps are a beautiful thing and the world looks so much better after a little snooze!
• Going with the flow and taking things as they come, rather than undertaking my day with control and military precision ticking off check boxes and to-do lists
• If things get done, great. If they don't - no big deal. Tomorrow is another day and another opportunity to have a crack then
• I'm not out to prove anything to anyone. There are no awards to be won. Perfect Mother does not exist and I have no desire whatsoever to chase that title in this lifetime ever again. I am perfect in all the right ways for the little people that need me and mean the world to me. No one else's opinion of that counts!

I will sign off for now as there are more precious cuddles waiting for me.

Until next we meet.

Love

Shanelle

Don't Forget Dad - Guest Post by Robyn De Beer (Mrs D Plus 3)

After my first child was born I was very unexpectedly struck down with Post Natal Depression.  I know ‘struck down’ sounds a bit dramatic, but that’s how I felt.  I went from a perfectly normal pregnancy where I was counting the minutes until I’d meet my little boy, to almost not being able to be in the same room as him when he cried.

I was so withdrawn and ashamed about how I was feeling that I did everything in my power to hide it.  I actually did a very good job of pretending to the outside world that I was ‘fine’ and life with a new baby was ‘fabulous’ even though it was anything but.

The problem was that I was unable to hide it from my husband.  Living in the same house together and sharing the same bed made it impossible.  He watched me slowly fall apart and listened to me sob myself to sleep night after night.  I was in such a massive state of denial, that in my mind I was hiding it all from him too.

I believed (at the time) that our baby didn’t love me he just loved his Dad.  Why was it that Dad could settle him and I couldn’t?  How come Dad went all doe eyed when he looked at him and I didn’t?  How did Dad get to bond with him so quickly and I couldn’t?  All these questions were running though my head every second of every day making me build up huge walls and barriers of resentment.  I was horrible to him and it wasn’t his fault at all.

Our relationship, which was once rock solid before this little human was born, was falling apart too and I couldn’t even see it.   The more he tried to help the further away I pushed him, until one day he decided to have a intervention and he called my mum.  I was so angry with him for doing it because I saw it as the ultimate betrayal of trust.  This was MY secret and not his to share.

Some time later and upon reflection I can now fully appreciate that by stepping in and doing something he not only saved me, but also saved us, and I will always be so grateful for that.

During the months I suffered from Post Natal Depression the focus was so much on me, the new mum, that very few people actually asked how my husband was doing.  Although he was over the moon by with the arrival of our precious boy, he also had to silently watch me suffer from the sidelines and that could not have been easy for him.

Having a new baby affects everyone differently.  Some people cope perfectly well and others struggle.  It is not always just the mums that struggle; it can also be the Dads and relationships too.

If you are reading this and think that you or your partner may be suffering from Post Natal Depression than please visit or call PANDA (http://www.panda.org.au/) on 1300 726306

Written by Robyn de Beer at www.mrsdplus3.com

"Real life tales of a stay at home mum with three kids. Honest and often humorous, I cover all the ordinary moments that can often be extraordinary if you look closely enough. My blog appeals to anyone who loves cooking with a thermomix, appreciates the odd 'hair-pulling' moments the school run or kids dinner time can bring, loves photography (especially the amateur kind), and sees the bright side of parenting. Life is different every day."

Diary of a Second Time Mum - And the Shenanigans Begin .....

10th July - 16 days old

Dear Diary

What can I say? Our day started out well with this .....

 Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth! She loves her baby brother so much she wants to constantly smother him in kisses and cuddles. This was our compromise ........

Things went a little south later on in the afternoon however. They were having cuddles in bed and I left them alone for literally 4 minutes while I went to make a cup of tea, talking to them both while I was in the kitchen. Big Sister did tell me that Little Brother had red paint on his forehead. (Red paint is blood in our house). I didn't think too much of it, thinking he'd scratched himself with a hooky fingernail..... I later discovered it was in fact RED PEN and Santa did it!

Naughty Santa!!

Red pen has now been confiscated and we've had a long chat about drawing on paper, not Little Brothers!

And so the shenanigans begin!

Until next we meet!!

Love

Shanelle

Diary of a Second Time Mum - Breaking All of My "First Time Mum" Rules

8th July - 2 weeks old

Dear Diary

Sitting here feeding (yet again!) contemplating the past two weeks with the new man in our lives, I realised how calm, relaxed and laidback I've been this time round. This reflection also got me thinking about the strict and stringent rules that I had set for myself as a first time mother and how completely ridiculous they were. Also how those rules had no bearing over how my daughter is today.

I can proudly say that 2 weeks in, I have already rebelled and broken the following rules:

• My child will not have a dummy (I requested one be brought to the hospital on the second day after the first night was spent sleepless with an unsettled baby. And wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't take it. But having it there as back up was reassuring in a way)
• My child will be breastfed, not formula fed (This one went out the window on our first night at home. He wouldn't settle and seemed to be hungry no matter how much I fed. So I cracked open the tin of formula I'd bought before he was born, mixed up a bottle, and wouldn't you know it ...... he wouldn't take it! Again it was reassuring to know that I had another option)
• My child will sleep in its own cot/bassinette (This rule was broken I think on the 3rd or 4th night home. Little Mister loves to be held and it's been awfully cold. There's something wonderful and cosy about snuggling close with your baby that I missed out on with my daughter, seeing as though she spent her first few months in the brace correcting her hips. I have been sleeping half sitting up to make sure he's safe. His favourite place in the world is snuggled into  my chest between my boobs like a little koala bear :)
• My child will wear cloth nappies (This time around I knew disposables are the way to go. During the newborn phase who really has time to wash pooey nappies! I do have a confession to make though ... during the crazy "get everything ready because baby is coming soon" stage, I did diligently wash all the cloth nappies and stack them neatly in the cupboard. A couple of days later I came to my senses and realised I was off in some fantasy world and immediately packed them all back into the garage. Maybe some day .....) 

It feels good to know that I can be flexible and adaptable adjusting to the circumstances as they arise, rather than being imprisoned by the notion of right and wrong. If I've learned anything, it's that there is  no right or wrong, there just is.

Some days you just need to do whatever you can to get through the day and if that means spending the day in your pj's on the couch giving your little one snuggles because that's what they need in that moment, well that's what's happening that day. The housework can wait. The dishes can wait. The outside world can wait. Because right now I am really enjoying getting to know this new little man we've been blessed with and I'm sure soon enough there'll be time to tend to life's other menial tasks!

Until next we meet.

Sending love

Shanelle

xxx

Diary of a Second Time Mum - 9 Things I've Been Reminded of About Having a Newborn

3rd July - 9 days old

Dear Diary

9 days into this gig and here is a list of things I'd forgotten about newborns but have been well and truly reminded of:

1. Feeling like a ninja preparing for an exclusive mission each time I get dressed with pads everywhere (breasts, knickers and in the top of my knickers to protect my wound). The guy in the Libra ad does have a point .....

2. How long a feed takes & how frequently a new one needs to eat and that their feeds are timed from when they began their feed not when it was finished, so your sleeping time is dramatically reduced!

3. Forgetting to go to the bathroom before settling in for a marathon feeding session and then having to cross your legs and think about something else for the duration of the feed!

4. The innate ability to do everything one-handed while feeding, nursing, settling, typing, making a cuppa, undoing and doing up of maternity bras ......

5. How quickly time seems to evaporate while you stare at them endlessly when you should be sleeping because your baby is.

6.  Breasts that produce milk at the most random of moments, most of all when you get out of a hot shower or hear your baby cry.

7. When getting 3 hours of continuous sleep feels like an entire night of slumber.

8. Having supersonic hearing and sixth sense that makes you jump up and check your baby whenever you hear an odd noise or checking anyway because you haven't heard any noises for a while. Our boy seems to be a grunter!

9. How much love you can have instantaneously for the new little human who has arrived and taken over your world by storm.

I'm sure I could add many more to this list. These are the ones that have stood out  for me so far and right now I am eating into precious sleeping and resting time. So if there are any important ones I've missed or overlooked, feel free to comment below.

Until next we meet!

Love

Shanelle

The Greatest Gift You Can Give Your Children - Guest Post by Alison Bengough (The Mindset Effect)

If your children are young you’ve probably got routines for everything. Sleeping, eating, pooping, cleaning, dressing, toilet training, bathing, comforting, soothing. As they get older add in soothing boo boos, being a taxi service, school volunteering, reasoning, disciplining, medical & dental care, socialisation, birthday parties, family time, formal education, sporting commitments … the list is endless.

The commitment you take on financially, socially, emotionally, physically and psychologically is positively astronomical! Day after day, week after week, year after year. And when you have multiple children you can multiply the load you carry. Add in children with special needs and the feelings of overwhelm can skyrocket!

If that’s not enough, you get bombarded multiple times a day by unsolicited opinions about how you “should” be doing things. From family, friends, acquaintances, school parents, sporting parents, teachers, doctors, other professionals … even the media.

Is it any wonder most parents feel like they’re heads will explode any minute!

But you keep going, putting one foot in front of the other, because you made a very strong commitment to those little people you gave birth to. You love them, no matter what, and you would go to the ends of the earth for them, even if it meant to go without ourself. Right? (I can hear the chorus of “yeses” from here!)

Most parents know that all learning experiences begin with babies exploring the world around them. They respond to energy; angry vibes, sad vibes, happy vibes. They learn by watching. As they grow, if we get angry, so do they. If we allow others to treat us disrespectfully, so do they. If we fail to care for ourselves, so do they.

For this reason, literally and figuratively, the greatest gift you can give your children, is a parent who takes care of him or herself.

When you prioritise your own self-care they learn,

·         That you are worth being taken care of,

·         That they are worth being taken care of. Simply from watching your example, they know that allowing others to treat them disrespectfully is hurtful, and they are much less likely to allow themselves to be taken advantage of,

·         The value of boundaries,

·         The value of waiting,

·         To stand up for themselves,

·         To listen to their heartsong.

They also receive a much more peaceful, loving and happy environment to live in. Simply because you will be much more peaceful, loving and happy to be around. And since they pick up and reflect your vibes, they in turn will be much more peaceful, loving and happy. It really is a win-win for everyone.

The core message here is this: Self-care is not selfish. It is essential!

Now that you have the message, you may be wondering how you start the process of taking care of you, especially if you haven’t done it in years. The greatest tip I can give you is to start small, take it slow and build it up gradually. If you haven’t done it in so long that you forgot how, it will likely feel foreign to you for a while. And if your kids aren’t used to seeing you do it, you might get some objections to it (especially if it takes attention away from them). You need to be able to prepare yourself for those objections and plan how you can deal with some of the emotions that come up as a result (guilt being a big one). If you feel bad about taking time out for you, consider talking with a trusted friend or counsellor/psychologist to help you process some of those emotions.

To begin with, you might try some of these strategies:

1.       Schedule some time for yourself on a daily basis. If you’re not used to taking it, start with just 5 minutes of uninterrupted time and build up from there. If you start small it will be easier to fit into your schedule and it won’t feel so alien.

2.       As you build up the time, try exploring new things. Places, activities. Experiment with what you do and don’t like (only one way to find out!)

3.       Remind yourself regularly why you are doing this. By taking time out for you, you’re not depriving them of your attention. You are ultimately providing your kids with a better parent.

4.       Get in touch with your values. Values underpin everything we do, so getting clear on them will help support your position.

5.       Self-care doesn’t need to be expensive. It can be as simple as sitting in the park communing with nature or going for a 10 minute walk to clear your head.

6.       Schedule play dates with other mum’s in your area. By setting up a “club”, the kids get to work on their social skills and you get some time out. Rotate this routine so you each get a break. And remember, sometimes the self-care comes down to adult conversation. The kids can play while the adults work on their social skills!

7.       Remind yourself that you don’t have to do it all. The old adage, “it takes a village to raise a child” is true. Call on the support of the people around you. And if you feel isolated, try reaching out to local services. Some will have play groups or support groups where you can meet other parents and create friendships. This is especially important if you have kids with special needs. Carers organisations can be particularly helpful in this case. There is one in every state of Australia.

Ali Bengough is currently studying her Masters degree in Applied Psychology at the University of Queensland. She has been working as a counsellor for ten years and loves what she does. She is passionate about helping people find their purpose and overcome the barriers that hold them back from living their dreams. She blogs over at The Mindset Effect, where she writes about anything related to the way we think and feel. This is complimented by a Facebook page and Twitter account. She loves to hear from her readers and welcomes feedback on what they would value reading about. When she graduates, Ali plans to use her blog to launch her business, creating a comprehensive site offering a variety of individual sessions, group workshops, online programs and other resources. She is currently in the process of writing her first book; a small, easy to understand guide on how to stop taking on issues that belong to other people.

Diary of a Second Time Mum - Despite What the Scientists Say, Lightning Can Strike the Same Place Twice!!

Diary of a Second Time Mum is my way of staying connected with the outside world as I experience the motherhood journey for a second time in 5 years. I hope to share with you the highs, lows, fun and learnings along the way in a weekly post!

Dear Diary

We welcomed our gorgeous son into the world on Tuesday 24th June at 3.59am. Here's how it unfolded ....

Monday was spent taking it easy as I felt off-colour with an upset tummy. Early night in our house however sleep was evasive.

After experiencing some tightenings and a show just after midnight I called the hospital to see what I should do. They said to come up and get checked out. I called Mum at 1am in the morning to come and watch Miss Almost 5. Once she arrived we drove off slowly into the thick, heavy fog for what appeared to be the slowest trip to Rocky on record.

Arriving at the hospital just after 2am,  I was checked out and the Doctor said I was fully dilated  and the calmest fully dilated woman he'd seen in quite awhile. Being the middle of the night and no surgical team available he advised that I should try for a natural delivery. I freaked out a bit and he proceeded to do a scan to confirm the position of our baby.

He almost fell off his chair when he found our boy to be in the breech position. My partner and I looked at each other with relief, at least we'd found out now. Then I started asking questions..... what are the chances of having 2 undiagnosed breech births? According to some fancy numbers I've read online since there's a 1% chance for a first born being breech (higher chance for girls) and about a 7% chance of subsequent pregnancies also being breech.

Phone calls were quickly made and a surgical team called in. By 3am, we were in theatre. I managed to remain calm and relaxed, which had been the mantra of my hypnobirthing for c section audio that I had been dutifully listening to a couple of times a day.

Even though I was booked in for a c-section on Wednesday and this was unfolding before me in an unexpected way, I felt a sense of calm and being in control. Like this time around I knew what to expect and was glad that we would get to meet our guy a  little sooner; that this was the safest choice for us.

At 3.59am our little man appeared above the screen. There's nothing quite like that moment when they hold your baby up for your first look. He was taken away to be checked out and was soon laid on my chest for our first snuggles.

Back on the ward after being stitched up and spending some time in recovery, it was time to snuggle and cuddle more with the new man in my life. I fell in love instantaneously. I just can't put into words the feelings of love that came when I looked at his cute-as-a-button face.

Miss Almost 5 came for a visit with Granny & Poppy - keen to meet her new brother. After a few cuddles and kisses, she was eager to head back to kindy to tell the other kids all about him. She's been waiting so long for him to arrive.

After our visitors left for the day, the nurse came and got me out of bed for a shower. At first I was a little surprised to be up and about so soon, now I am very grateful.  I feel fantastic and my recovery this time round has been smooth sailing. Now I can advocate how important your mindset and beliefs are and how much they impact on our experiences in life.

I will sign off for now. It's my intention to post once a week in some form or another using this platform.

Until next week,

Take care, keep smiling and be grateful for all the blessings in your life right now.

Love

Shanelle

Am I Being Precious or Are Professionals Lacking Compassion These Days?

Working as a travel consultant in various capacities over the past six years has kind of worn down my passion for travel to places like New Zealand, Fiji and Bali. It's like walking into McDonalds and ordering a plain cheeseburger. Not very exciting and quite run of the mill when it's your 10th request for the day.



It took me awhile to realise that it wasn't about me when  a client came in to enquire about these kinds of destinations. I had no idea how long they'd been saving for their holiday, that this was their first family holiday and they thought they could take their family of 5 for 7 days for under $3000.

That was before I learned to ask them their story. To take the time to find out why they were going and what their expectations where, to connect with them as humans and to build a relationship with them so that booking their holiday became part of their whole experience.

Once I had gleaned this information from them and established a working relationship, I was able to get excited for them and the plans they had to help breathe life into them. If their expectations were unrealistic, it gave me a pivotal point to return to and be able to remind them why they were wanting what they were wanting. The connection we built showed them that I cared and they were not just another number to be recorded in my KPI's at the end of the day.

Recently, I've had an experience of the shoe being on the other foot. It's been with my obstetrician (the joys of going via the public health system). No matter how I look at it, I am really struggling with the lack of relationship, rapport and compassion that emanates from this man who appears to be in his 70's and the fact that I am purely another number to him (completely my own interpretation of events).

I get the fact that seeing pregnant women day in and day out is the norm for him. However, this is my second viable pregnancy, with a significant amount of years between the two; I want to feel special and cared for when I see a health care professional. My experience has not been a one-off either. For each of the 3 appointments I've had, it's been the same.

On the first visit, I was with him all of 5 minutes. He asked whether I was wanting a natural birth or c-section. I said I was leaning towards a schedule c-section based on past experience. He told me I would heal much quicker if I had a natural birth and that a decision would be made at 36 weeks. End of conversation. No room for discussion.

On the second visit, he asked the question again; to which I gave the same response. This time he asked what had happened and I told him a few of the details. I didn't feel at all comfortable and in some way was feeling guilty for the experience I'd had with Number 1. He repeated that I would heal much faster if I had a natural birth. End of conversation again.

On the 3rd visit, he asked if I was still wanting a c-section (after checking baby's heart and telling me I had a big baby - what the?) to which I replied yes, based on what's happened before I would prefer this option. His response was that he would go and book me a date. End of conversation. Discussion = nil. Rapport built = nil. Comfort with interaction = nil.

I've looked at this from every angle I can think of and yet there's something  that really pisses me off. I know that I have no control over how he has chosen to act in this situation. I am only able to control my response and the meaning I choose to give to this strange encounter. It's given me an opportunity to conduct my own research, speak to other mums and health professionals to seek their opinions and thoughts. So in a sense, it's allowed me to educate myself on a much greater level, rather than relying on the opinion of one so-called medical professional.

As I sign off for now, I'd like to leave you to ponder and mull over the following, leave a comment and let's start a conversation around this:

* Where in your life are you treating things as 'run of the mill' rather than unique experiences and opportunities?
* If you are stuck in a rut and running on autopilot, what could you do to add some excitement and fun back into your life?
* If you've been on the receiving end of someone else's lack of compassion, what did you do to turn the situation around?

Until next we meet - take care and continue to be your amazing & awesome self xxx

The Simple Process of Start, Maintain & Finish

Over the past few days, I've realised how cyclic life really is and that everything we do follows the same process of - start, maintain and finish. Everything we touch follows this - our relationships, our daily tasks, the housework, getting from A to B, the crops our farmers grow - everything.

After realising that I am a great advocate for starting, but not necessarily that great on maintaining or finishing, I've been on a mission to finish some of the projects I had started some time ago in preparation for the new start that my family and I are about to embark on. 

Being a great starter means that over time I've acquired a collection of projects that I was so excited to begin and so I did with feverish excitement and that wonderful feeling of adrenalin shooting through my veins. However something happened after starting them - either I ran out of steam, my vision wasn't big enough or I wasn't clear on the outcome I actually wanted. Therefore because I didn't have a plan of attack to maintain the project, many of them never actually got finished.

And it's not just one area of my life that this has affected, it's influenced many. I was in the shower the other day and saw that between my partner and I, we have 4 half-used bottles of shower gel, 3 different kinds of shampoo & conditioner and 4 various body scrubbers. Then I went and checked out the pantry - I won't even go into details of what's happening in there! Seeing this got me thinking.....

There's a reason why so many people start diets and never finish them. There's a reason that many buildings begin the construction phase, yet never reach completion (and it's not just money!). As a society, we are great at starting things. New things are constantly thrown in our faces by advertisers and marketers and we're often trying out the next best thing before we have completed yesterday's "next best thing". 

What is lacking the most is vision; having the ability to see the end result before you begin. When  you know the end result you are aiming for, it makes it easier to work backwards and take manageable steps towards achieving your vision.  Starting is great, I'm all for it. I love the new. However having a solid plan of attack for how you will maintain and eventually finish is probably even more important.When a farmer plants his crop, he knows that the seed he is planting will bring him produce to harvest and sell to produce an income for himself and his family. He knows the process down pat. 

Let's go back to the diet concept for a minute. Most people do not succeed at these because they don't know how to maintain them. Many diets promise fast results and when these are not achieved, hope can be lost and many give up. But what if you had a plan of how you would maintain a healthy eating and fitness regime? What if you scheduled in time every day to take care of your body by exercising? What if you sat down and worked out your meal plans for the week so you had a clear picture of what the week would be like instead of getting to a meal and then grabbing the most convenient form of food available? What if you thought about how you want to feel when you've followed this plan for a month, two months, six months and can feel the benefits of maintaining your regime?

As I am  finishing and completing tasks, I feel I am clearing the way to bring the new into our lives. As I am finishing I also get a real sense of completion and accomplishment and that things won't be hanging over my head. 

My challenge to you is to take a helicopter ride over your life and see what you're great at and where you can improve. 

* What do you need to start in order to move forward?
* What areas do you need to get good at maintaining?
* What can you finish today to give you a sense of satisfaction for completion?

I'd love to hear what it is for you!

The Delicate Art of Finding Yourself - Guest Post from Gayel Stewart-Aires (Modern Mummy Mayhem)

When we become parents for the first time, we are pretty schooled up on how to care for our newborns.  There are books, magazines, brochures, products, blogs, websites yahdee yahdee yahdaa and we feast on all of them.  We want only what is best for this brand new life we have created and we will stop at nothing to give it all.

We pull all nighters when they are ill and chug back the caffeine the next day to keep going.  We carry them on our hips, twist, turn and pick things up regardless of how sore our backs have become.  We shower in seconds. Forget to brush our teeth. Rarely exercise and often finish off their scraps instead of eating whole nutritious meals.

For some of us, we run on autopilot during the years with young children.  For others it is routine, routine, routine.   For nearly all of us though, we forget that we need to continue on caring for ourselves, so that we can care for these precious little inventions, our babes, our children.

I have 3 children.  Ages 11, 9 and 3.  After my first daughter, I was gobsmacked at how little she slept, how much sitting on the couch breastfeeding I had to do and how little time I had for myself.

Nobody ever told me about this.  Nobody ever told me either, that the smallest of chores I once did without thinking, would become very hard to complete.  Nobody ever told me that this stuff could send me crazy.  Even worse though, was the fact that nobody ever thought to tell me that I needed to be finding time for myself as a matter of priority.

That I needed to nurture my soul and not just my Daughter.

So unknowingly, I worked really hard at being a Mum.  I later worked really hard at being a Mum of two daughters and then a single Mum of two daughters and full time employee.

My diet was atrocious. I rarely exercised and my smiles were forced.  I did nothing for myself that made me happy.  My kids on the other hand thrived.

Years later I met my now Husband and together brought into the world a little boy.  A little boy who is now 3, and who has suffered from Gastro Oesphagael Reflux Disease since he was born.   To suggest this has turned our world upside down is an understatement.

By the time he was 6 months old I was exhausted.  Life was like groundhog day.  Relentless.  Hard and never ending.

It was about then that I realised that it was sink or swim time.  I could no longer sustain ignoring my own needs.  I had to start carving out small parcels of time for things I enjoyed.  Initially this was really hard but I started to simplify things.  I enjoyed taking pictures, so off I would go outside, with the baby in the carrier, snapping away.  Looking for small detail and beauty.   It was a small escape for small amounts of time, but it was glorious.

Our little boy spent 2 years screaming.  I spent 2 years appeasing and soothing those screams by carrying him around and breastfeeding him.  On the bad days, I would look in the mirror and not even see myself properly.  On the good days, I would steal back some time.  I ate up any information about blogging and social media that I could find, took photos and then started my blog.

Eventually, my health did begin to fail though.  I lost a lot of weight and had some unfavourable and scary test results. I thought I was caring for myself but I wasn't really.   I was being too haphazard in my approach.

It was only at this point that I truly realised my own self worth.  The one thing that I threw away the day I brought home my first child and never regained.

With the never ending support of my Husband, I made a pact to exercise more, eat better and do a few things that made me happy, consistently.  Not just a few hours here and there.

A year later now, I sit here writing this piece, feeling that for the first time ever I am comfortable in my own skin.  I have more energy and I smile truly from the inside.  There is nothing forced about who I am.  I am me and I know exactly who that is.

Not just my children's mother.

It isn't just that I have suddenly become happy either.  It took a lot of hard work.  It took what felt like selfishness initially (but wasn't really), sacrifices, good planning, the willingness to ask for help and consistent commitment.

It is a delicate art, a game even, finding time for yourself when you are Mother.  The benefits are enormous and the disadvantages to ignoring these needs of yours is frightening.

So from me to you.  Please please, don't give up your self worth.  Don't stop doing things you love and enjoy.  Those things that you love, make you who you are.  When you are who you are, you are most happy.  The crappiest of days can be weathered when you know who you are.

Some days this advice may all seem too impossible, other days it may only be a few minutes you can offer yourself.  But honestly, once you shift your mindset off being entirely focused on those you love and include yourself too, you will rock this life home my friend.

I PROMISE.

Gayel Stewart-Airs

www.modernmummymayhem.com

He's Finally Here!!!

Hi Everyone

A quick post to let you know we welcomed our gorgeous son into the world slightly earlier than expected on Tuesday 24th June at 3.59am weighing 8 pound 2 oz. We  are totally in love with our little man who now completes our family of 4.

Over the coming weeks I will continue to post where I can and will also be sharing some guest posts with you from other mum & parentinh bloggers - so watch this space. In addition I will be aiming to write a weekly diarised post entitled "Diary of a Second Time Mum" sharing with you my insights as I adjust to life with a new born and an almost 5 year old.

Here's a little pic of the new man in our lives. I feel blessed that he's chosen to enter the world and share his time with us.

Until I post next, take care and have a brilliant day.

Love

Shanelle