When we become
parents for the first time, we are pretty schooled up on how to care for our
newborns. There are books, magazines, brochures, products, blogs,
websites yahdee yahdee yahdaa and we feast on all of them. We want only
what is best for this brand new life we have created and we will stop at
nothing to give it all.
We pull all
nighters when they are ill and chug back the caffeine the next day to keep
going. We carry them on our hips, twist, turn and pick things up
regardless of how sore our backs have become. We shower in seconds.
Forget to brush our teeth. Rarely exercise and often finish off their scraps
instead of eating whole nutritious meals.
For some of us,
we run on autopilot during the years with young children. For others it
is routine, routine, routine. For nearly all of us though, we forget
that we need to continue on caring for ourselves, so that we can care for
these precious little inventions, our babes, our children.
I have 3
children. Ages 11, 9 and 3. After my first daughter, I was
gobsmacked at how little she slept, how much sitting on the couch breastfeeding
I had to do and how little time I had for myself.
Nobody ever told
me about this. Nobody ever told me either, that the smallest of chores I
once did without thinking, would become very hard to complete.
Nobody ever told me that this stuff could send me crazy.
Even worse though, was the fact that nobody ever thought to tell me that
I needed to be finding time for myself as a matter of priority.
That I needed to
nurture my soul and not just my Daughter.
So unknowingly, I
worked really hard at being a Mum. I later worked really hard at being a
Mum of two daughters and then a single Mum of two daughters and full time
employee.
My diet was
atrocious. I rarely exercised and my smiles were forced. I did nothing
for myself that made me happy. My kids on the other hand thrived.
Years later I met
my now Husband and together brought into the world a little boy. A little
boy who is now 3, and who has suffered from Gastro Oesphagael Reflux Disease
since he was born. To suggest this has turned our world upside down is
an understatement.
By the time he
was 6 months old I was exhausted. Life was like groundhog day.
Relentless. Hard and never ending.
It was about then
that I realised that it was sink or swim time. I could no longer sustain
ignoring my own needs. I had to start carving out small parcels of time
for things I enjoyed. Initially this was really hard but I started to
simplify things. I enjoyed taking pictures, so off I would go outside,
with the baby in the carrier, snapping away. Looking for small detail and
beauty. It was a small escape for small amounts of time, but it was glorious.
Our little
boy spent 2 years screaming. I spent 2 years appeasing and soothing
those screams by carrying him around and breastfeeding him. On the bad
days, I would look in the mirror and not even see myself properly. On the
good days, I would steal back some time. I ate up any information
about blogging and social media that I could find, took photos and then started
my blog.
Eventually, my
health did begin to fail though. I lost a lot of weight and had some
unfavourable and scary test results. I thought I was caring for myself but I
wasn't really. I was being too haphazard in my approach.
It was only at
this point that I truly realised my own self worth. The one thing that I
threw away the day I brought home my first child and never regained.
With the never
ending support of my Husband, I made a pact to exercise more, eat better and do
a few things that made me happy, consistently. Not just a few hours here
and there.
A year later now,
I sit here writing this piece, feeling that for the first time ever I
am comfortable in my own skin. I have more energy and I smile truly from
the inside. There is nothing forced about who I am. I am me and I
know exactly who that is.
Not just my
children's mother.
It isn't just
that I have suddenly become happy either. It took a lot of hard work.
It took what felt like selfishness initially (but wasn't really),
sacrifices, good planning, the willingness to ask for help and consistent
commitment.
It is a
delicate art, a game even, finding time for yourself when you are Mother.
The benefits are enormous and the disadvantages to ignoring these needs
of yours is frightening.
So from me to
you. Please please, don't give up your self worth. Don't stop doing
things you love and enjoy. Those things that you love, make you who you
are. When you are who you are, you are most happy. The crappiest of
days can be weathered when you know who you are.
Some days this
advice may all seem too impossible, other days it may only be a few minutes you
can offer yourself. But honestly, once you shift your mindset off being
entirely focused on those you love and include yourself too, you will rock this
life home my friend.
I PROMISE.
Gayel Stewart-Airs
