My Letter to a New Mum - Guest Post by Michelle Lia from Mumma Bliss

You have just been on the biggest transformation of your life in your pregnancy, now you are a new mum – congratulations! It’s such an amazing journey. There will be times where you just want to cry, but the rewards outweigh the frustrations.  You will feel exhausted, emotional and you may even start to worry about returning to work. You may start feeling depressed or suffer from anxiety.  BUT there are so many rewards, the first smile, the first time they look at you. Ahhh I remember those first moments, like it was only yesterday, now my son is 6 years old.

The one thing I wish I did when I became a new mum was to enjoy every single moment. Being present in each and every moment is the biggest gift of all.  These moments, even though they sound frustrating and stressful, they are just moments in our life. Your baby will grow, and move onto the next stage and before you know it they are at big school and not wanting to cuddle their mummy in public.

Trust your intuition – don’t listen to friends or family who place judgements on the way you should be mothering. Listen to your heart and follow your intuition – it’s always right.

Don’t worry too much.  Remember everything will always work out.  You may start to worry that you are losing your identity of who you were before you became a mother. I know this all too well. I started lose myself as a new mum. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I knew I needed to do something to make a difference by helping mums and serving others – that’s why I created MummaBliss.

Take time out for yourself. Make sure you spend 10 minutes per day to yourself doing something that feels good for you. Self-care practices are important to make sure you nurture the nurturer. Check out Daily Self-care for all mums. By doing this, you will have more energy to be a loving mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend.  Don’t feel guilty for taking some time out to yourself – it’s important. Always put yourself first.  Be gentle on yourself. Practice a heart breathing and meditation on a daily basis:

Bring your awareness up to the centre of your chest – to your Heart – your chakra of self-development and unconditional love or also called Anahata. Gently breathe into your Heart, letting it soften and expand on your breath. Invite the colour green. Bathe your heart centre with nourishment, renewal, healing. Say the words “I am loved”. “I am love” “I allow myself to give and receive love freely”“I am nourished by the power of love”. Practice this everyday for 40 days and notice miracles flow into your life, especially more love and more love for yourself.

I recently created a Mummy Manifesto, which is everything I believe in to be a happy, present and mindful mum. Here’s some of the quotes from the Mummy Manifesto – pin it up on your fridge as a good reminder.  I would love to hear your thoughts on the Mummy Manifesto. I poured my heart and soul into this project. It is something that I am very passionate about and believe it is the secret to motherhood. 

Begin your day with gratitude and love

Set a daily intention

Trust your intuition

List 3 things to be grateful for before bed

Be patient

Connect with your body

Spend 10 mins per day on yourself

Michelle Lia is a maternity wellness coach, yoga teacher, motivational speaker and founder of MummaBliss. I help mums let go of fear, anxiety and stress by living in the moment, connected and radiantly happy with yoga, mediation and self-care practices.  Visit www.mummabliss.com. You can also follow MummaBliss on Facebook www.facebook.com/mummablissoz.

Don't Forget Dad - Guest Post by Robyn De Beer (Mrs D Plus 3)

After my first child was born I was very unexpectedly struck down with Post Natal Depression.  I know ‘struck down’ sounds a bit dramatic, but that’s how I felt.  I went from a perfectly normal pregnancy where I was counting the minutes until I’d meet my little boy, to almost not being able to be in the same room as him when he cried.

I was so withdrawn and ashamed about how I was feeling that I did everything in my power to hide it.  I actually did a very good job of pretending to the outside world that I was ‘fine’ and life with a new baby was ‘fabulous’ even though it was anything but.

The problem was that I was unable to hide it from my husband.  Living in the same house together and sharing the same bed made it impossible.  He watched me slowly fall apart and listened to me sob myself to sleep night after night.  I was in such a massive state of denial, that in my mind I was hiding it all from him too.

I believed (at the time) that our baby didn’t love me he just loved his Dad.  Why was it that Dad could settle him and I couldn’t?  How come Dad went all doe eyed when he looked at him and I didn’t?  How did Dad get to bond with him so quickly and I couldn’t?  All these questions were running though my head every second of every day making me build up huge walls and barriers of resentment.  I was horrible to him and it wasn’t his fault at all.

Our relationship, which was once rock solid before this little human was born, was falling apart too and I couldn’t even see it.   The more he tried to help the further away I pushed him, until one day he decided to have a intervention and he called my mum.  I was so angry with him for doing it because I saw it as the ultimate betrayal of trust.  This was MY secret and not his to share.

Some time later and upon reflection I can now fully appreciate that by stepping in and doing something he not only saved me, but also saved us, and I will always be so grateful for that.

During the months I suffered from Post Natal Depression the focus was so much on me, the new mum, that very few people actually asked how my husband was doing.  Although he was over the moon by with the arrival of our precious boy, he also had to silently watch me suffer from the sidelines and that could not have been easy for him.

Having a new baby affects everyone differently.  Some people cope perfectly well and others struggle.  It is not always just the mums that struggle; it can also be the Dads and relationships too.

If you are reading this and think that you or your partner may be suffering from Post Natal Depression than please visit or call PANDA (http://www.panda.org.au/) on 1300 726306

Written by Robyn de Beer at www.mrsdplus3.com

"Real life tales of a stay at home mum with three kids. Honest and often humorous, I cover all the ordinary moments that can often be extraordinary if you look closely enough. My blog appeals to anyone who loves cooking with a thermomix, appreciates the odd 'hair-pulling' moments the school run or kids dinner time can bring, loves photography (especially the amateur kind), and sees the bright side of parenting. Life is different every day."

Preparing for the Impending Arrival of Our New Addition

The weeks have been steadily ticking over and all of a sudden, we've reached the 30 week mark. According to Miss 4, there are only 2 pages of the calendar left to go.

 I have no idea where that time has gone or how I got to being here!What I do know is that it's all systems go and my tummy has been steadily increasing in size and the intensity of movements felt grows by the day. If I didn't know any better I would think there's half a football team growing inside of me, but apparently there's only a sole player!

I feel pretty calm and relaxed about the journey this time. In some ways second time round is easier and yet more difficult. Having Miss 4 means I can't just crawl into bed when I feel like it, having eaten spaghetti on toast because that's all the strength I could muster in the gourmet meal department.

My back and hips have been giving me hell and for the last few weeks my ever-expanding belly has felt much larger than the first time. Yet this time I have a little girl who is excited beyond belief and ready to give a helping hand to her Mum organising baby brother things.


This time the rules have gone out the window. I am prepared and ready for any situation that may arise. Yes, I have purchased dummies, bottles, breast pump, formula, and all the other things that were on my old "not required because I will be the perfect Mum" list. We've been busy washing clothes and sorting out baby's room. I've had the best helper alongside of me and there have been times where I've been in trouble for doing things she's wanted to do.

The other week we'd taken the bassinet apart to wash all the bits and pieces and had miraculously managed to reassemble it to its former state. Upon putting it into the baby's room, I said to Miss 4 that this was for the baby and not a toy for her doll babies. I turned my back to do something and in the meantime she'd laid out a hat, a jacket and pants. When I asked her what she was doing she replied, "I'm just checking to see if he'll fit in here!".

She's so excited and cannot wait to meet her baby brother. I'm not sure how long that will last once he arrives and isn't going back into Mummy's tummy. She's constantly kissing my belly and talking to her brother, it's the sweetest thing. And yet part of me worries that that will all change. Of course things will change and will be different. As a family we have a whole lot of adjusting to do as we eagerly await the arrival of our newest member.

This time in my heart I know things will be different. I know that no matter what happens I have the strength and resilience to make it through. Even if I do fall in a heap, I know that's okay too. I know I don't have to put on a facade to show the world I am coping when I am not. I am forever grateful to have my daughter eager to lend a helping hand. She tells me I will be able to sleep and Dad will still be able to watch the football while she's taking care of the baby. I'm guessing I may need to master the art of sleeping with one eye open.

I feel we've been blessed as a family in so many ways. People often balk when they hear that there will be an almost 5-year gap between the two. What many don't realise is that just because you fell pregnant once, doesn't mean there are guarantees there will be future pregnancies or the difficulties experienced to conceive another. After the ectopic pregnancy, the odds definitely weren't in our favour.

No matter what happens from here on in, we'll make the most of what comes our way. We'll face the challenges as a family and share the laughs too, no doubt there will be plenty of both. Sending love to you and your family this week. Take a moment to appreciate what you have together. Perhaps it's time to introduce a new family ritual. Here are some of the things that have melded their way into our family:

* Family cuddles - a whole group hug with all of us, randomly
* Family day - usually on a Sunday where we spend some time together. It may be as simple as getting in the car and going for a drive
* Eating dinner at the table when we're all home together, usually we light a candle and talk about our big day

Remember - it's the littlest of things that create the greatest memories. xxx 

Retiring My Control Freak

One of my biggest learnings so far has been learning about letting go of my need to control things. Having had a high need for certainty and security throughout my life, I don't particularly like surprises and haven't handled myself well when things don't go to plan. 

You've got to love how life's lessons, teach you that what you think you need is not really what you need after all. And if you don't learn the lesson the first time it's presented, you can bet your bottom dollar that the lesson will keep reappearing until you've learnt it good and proper!!

Yes, I am on the cryptic bus again. But allow me to explain. At the start of last year my partner and I sat down and had a discussion around bringing another child into our family. Was it something we wanted? Could we handle it? Would it be the best thing for our daughter? After many lengthy conversations, we decided that we would in fact "try" for another child. We would give ourselves until the end of the year. If we were pregnant by then great, if not, it wasn't meant to be and our family of 3 would surge forward on many more adventures.

Now the controlling side of me, definitely wanted another child. I thought about it constantly. And yet I became disappointed when my period arrived each month and I hadn't received the outcome I was expecting. I started to feel down about myself. Like I was good enough. Like I wasn't doing things "right". It was there constantly. Day and night. Consumed my thoughts.

A few months before our self-imposed deadline we were deep in conversation again one night. I revealed that the lack of a pregnancy had me feeling like a failure. And it was then that I had one of those enormous flash-of-bright-light epiphanies, that there was more to this whole thing than me and what I wanted.  Just because I wanted something didn't mean I was going to get it. Just because I had chosen the outcome I had wanted, didn't mean that it would arrive on a silver platter. I realised, it was so NOT about me. It was bigger than me. So after that, I turned my thinking to when and if this happens.

I sorted and packed the items of baby clothing, furniture and the multitude of items one collects when they have a baby and put them up for sale. We were moving house and I decided that I didn't want to move all that stuff! Funnily enough I only sold a couple of things

The universe works in mysterious ways. A couple of weeks after all of this, I found out I was in fact pregnant and we would welcome another member into our family. Maybe this was always going to be the way that things would happen. Maybe not. I've chosen to believe that me letting go of the need to have so much control somehow shifted whatever it was that had been blocking my path. 

When we hold on too tightly is when things seems to fall from our grasp. What are you holding onto too tightly right now that you could loosen your grip a little and focus your attention elsewhere?

Journey of a Lifetime

Have you ever planned a holiday to some exotic location? Your tickets are booked. You’re busily reading everything you can get your hands on about your dream destination. You daydream. You fantasize. You imagine what it will be like to be somewhere you’ve never been before – to hear a different language, make an attempt to speak the language, to try different food and to experience a different culture. You’ve talked to your friends who been there before you and gotten their advice about the hot spots, the do’s, the dont’s. You’re pumped. Suitcase is packed. You’ve got your passport, your ticket and your hopes and dreams are pinned on this adventure of a lifetime. You are filled with anticipation, hope, excitement and curiosity.

There are some things in life you just can’t prepare for. It doesn't matter how much you research or how many books you read or how many other people you talk to who have been through the same experience, you just can’t prepare for becoming a mother. You also can’t walk down the street pregnant without a stranger offering some random advice and throwing in their two cents about what’s right and what’s wrong when it comes to motherhood and childbirth.

No two birthing experiences are ever the same. We are all unique as individuals, our bodies built perfectly for us. The birthing manuals can’t possibly cover it all. Well if they did, it would probably be a 24-volume encyclopedia version, and what mum-to-be has time to read that while she’s busy preparing for the arrival of her precious bundle. That same precious bundle that’s destined to turn her life and her world upside down and inside out, and not just during the birthing process, but potentially for the next 18 years or so as the bundle goes through the various stages of development and growth.

No book or conversation I had with anyone around pregnancy, motherhood or giving birth could have possibly prepared me for the experience I encountered when my beautiful girl came into this world 4 years ago. I was ready for her. I had wanted children for a very long time. I had natural maternal instincts. I believed that motherhood was my destiny and my future would see me as a stay-at-home mum raising a brood. My pregnancy was like a dream. No morning sickness for me. Everything was like clockwork, all according to the books and magazines ( the couple that I read) !

I remember at my 37-week check up with my GP, she told me that baby’s head was engaged and we were ready to go. I also remember at my 38-week check up with the new, young obstetrician at the hospital that he had some doubt as to whether or not the head was in fact engaged. At the time I laughed at him, mainly because :

a)      He was young and male

b)      I trusted my female GP implicitly

For whatever reason, he eventually concluded that things were as they should be and sent me home to wait out our impending, and much-anticipated arrival.

So I did. Everything was washed. Everything was set up. Everything was ready to go. All we needed was our baby. At ten past midnight on my due date, my waters broke. Off to the hospital we went. I had no labour pains at this stage and when the nurse checked me out at hospital she was going to send me down to the ward to see if anything was going to happen, except there weren’t any spare beds.  There was however a vacant birthing suite, so off we went to “see what happened”.

At 5.30am, I turned to my partner and told him I was ready to push and to find a midwife, they’d been few and far between. He looked at me like I was some crazy woman, but off he went nonetheless. When he returned with the midwife, she gave me the same crazy look, said she’d check things out to see what was going on.  She confirmed that I was indeed ready to push.

Nothing I had read, heard or talked about prepared me for what was to come. After some pushing it was confirmed that my baby was in the breech position. I was offered a c-section or to keep pushing to have a natural birth. My partner chose the second option, as I’d expressed my beliefs around c-sections. It was only to happen if it became a life or death situation.  
Pushing again and passing the time limit, without a baby, I was told that I hadn’t gotten very far, despite the midwives having convinced me I was about to give birth any minute.

I was whisked down to theatre for an emergency c-section, one leg hanging in the air as I was wheeled through the corridors and into the lift. In theatre, I was awake and conscious of what was going on. I don’t remember much of the actual process. I recall some tugging at my stomach and the doctor pulling our baby out and taking her to the observation table.  A reassuring cry came from our baby. The doctor came over, without telling us if we’d had a boy or girl (we were leaving it as a surprise), to inform us that there was something wrong with the baby’s leg and they’d need to investigate.

In that moment, I told myself that I was a failure. I wasn’t even good enough to get making a child right. I carried that with me for a very long time! It was all my fault. I was a failure. I wasn’t good enough. I was so disappointed in myself and felt like I’d let my partner down. I took that one moment and made it mean the end of the world in my mind. I could have chosen to be grateful for the fact that my child was otherwise healthy and well. After all, all of her limbs were intact and she was perfect in every way.

As humans, we tend to focus on the tiny negative aspect, rather than the more abundant positives that surround us. Focussing on the negative is to our detriment. I didn’t know any better at the time! I do now and so make conscious choices on a daily basis to be grateful, to focus on the positives, to live in the moment and to appreciate the little things. There is no guidebook for life. There is no rule book set in stone. Life is for living. Life is for making mistakes. Life is for breaking and bending the rules. Life is for figuring it out. Life is for making it happen. Lighten up. Live in the moment. Love your life for who you are and the experiences that have shaped the wonderful person you are today.

Coming full circle

In this post I wanted to share with you a personal journey I have been on over the past almost 4 years. It involves me becoming a mother. You see, growing up I always wanted children and wanted nothing more than to be a mother with my own family to love, nurture and cherish.

Imagine my shock horror when my daughter arrived into the world in a way that I had not planned for at all! I'd had the perfect pregnancy, my waters even broke at 10 past midnight on her due date. All perfectly going to plan! Up until I got to the stage of actual delivery. Modern medicine somehow missed the fact that our girl was upside down and in fact in breech until I was in 2nd stage of labour!

What came next was something I had not planned nor prepared for .... an emergency c-section. Immediately I told myself I had failed as a mother because having a c-section was not on my list of perfect mother qualities. Uh oh. Yep you can see it coming a mile away! I took one little event that I had no control over and turned it into a hundred thousand times worse than it was.

That moment where I chose to take on that meaning of that situation was my downfall. I can say that now because looking back everything is so much clearer than it was in the haze of emotions and hormones. There began my downward spiral. I loved my daughter from the get go. But I didn't love being a mother. I didn't enjoy being at home with her on my own, not knowing how to soothe her cries, existing on a lack of sleep, not knowing if I was doing the right thing. Heaven help me, life was so much easier when I was working. I knew when I was and wasn't doing a good job, I had instant feedback from all angles to let me know that.

I decided to head back to work... part time... then full time ... then took on the role of the Manager .... then nearly had a break down because I could no longer be everything to everybody... then I went part time again .... 4 days a week.... because I had discovered that looking after myself I could see things more clearly, keep my feelings and emotions on a more even keel, be happy with myself, my relationship, enjoy time with my daughter, spend time with friends, study again. I had options and choice again. The fog was lifting......... and lifting ... and lifting .... and it still is.

This month I cut my workload down even further to spend more time with my gorgeous girl who never ceases to amaze me with her intelligence, her beauty, her passion and enthusiasm for life. To have her in my days and us sharing and creating memories together, having fun, laughing, being silly and giggling over nothing. I have also done this so that I can put more energy into building my business helping others to rediscover and reignite their passion and find their purpose in life. Because that's where my passion now lies.

Once upon a time, my identity was tied up in my job and what I did. Now my identity is tied up in who I am and who I am becoming and who else I can help shine. The message I wanted to send with this post is, if something isn't working for you, don't be afraid to change it and to keep changing it until you get it right. Until you know in your heart that it's right for you and those closest to you. Sometimes life keeps presenting us with the same lessons and it can take a few attempts to get the message that is being sent to us.

At the end of the day, we only get one shot at this thing called life and we may as well enjoy it and make the most of it while we're here!