Having Cake & Being Able to Eat It Too!

For a long time I've felt pulled in two different directions, a constant internal tug-o-war. One direction is a love of helping people organise their holidays to create beautiful memories for themselves and their families. The other, a love and passion for helping people understand life and the meaning they've chosen to give it, being able to overcome fears and limiting beliefs to create a way forward.

Both directions are full of passion. Both directions light me up. I thought I had to choose one or the other. I beat myself up about this for the longest time.

So I told everyone that I didn't like my job (Reality is that I love my job, didn't necessarily love the environment I was working in). Over time I've tweaked my life to be working in my job less and more in my coaching environment. Except when in my coaching environment, I have been very afraid of many things. So much time wasted getting caught up in small, insignificant details that don't even matter right now.

For quite awhile I thought I had to choose one over the other. You see, the end of my maternity leave was edging closer and I knew a decision needed to be made - return to work or go full throttle into coaching. Having to choose one option threw me into complete chaos. The very thought of returning to work full time, 5 days a week in a busy office environment made my heart die a little bit (okay maybe a lot).

The thought of working from home, creating a business and working in that business for me made my heart sing, yet fear was hanging out there too. Was I good enough? Could I do this? Would people want to come and see me as a coach? Do I have a message that other people want to hear? How would I cope working from home and having a baby here too? Blah blah blah blah blah.

Then I had a thought - what if I could do both and on my terms? After a conversation with my manager of my "job", I discovered that I could work solely from home. I could still book holidays for my very loyal repeat clients, earn an income and the best news was that I could do it in my own time. I didn't have to clock on or off each day. Hell, I could sit in my pj's with bed hair working if I wanted to.

Suddenly my heart was singing, my soul felt at ease and I realised I could have my cake and eat it too!

The doors I once thought would close if I chose one over the other have been flung widely open simultaneously. I am loving the new-found variety and flexibility of having choices in my days. I love the fact that if someone calls and asks me out for coffee, chances are I can say "yes".

I am feeling wonderful. I feel alive. Switched on. Plugged in. Vibrant. Ready. It's like someone has flicked a switch and everywhere I look I now see possibility. My creative juices are flowing again (and yes I can even fit in some blogging time too!).

Lessons learned:

• Fully check out your options
• Be open to possibility
• Tune into how you really feel about your situation
• Find something that lights you ups
• Variety really is the spice of life!

To celebrate my newfound awareness, I am offering "pay what you can" coaching sessions for the rest of the month. If you are ready to move forward or are just looking for some direction, send me an email with your availability . It's time for you to have your cake and eat it too!

Dear Yeppoon

Friday 27th February

Dear Yeppoon

When we drove out in the early hours of the morning of the 15th  of February in a guise of darkness, we had no idea how different you would be and how much devastation would be reaped upon you during our absence. We were off on a long-awaited for family holiday.

Hearing the news of a cyclone forming off the coast while we were away, we thought it would go around you. They always do. They peter out into nothing. Lots of hype and usually a no-show. Maybe some soggy feet with the rains that normally come when cyclone season is at its peak. We thought you would be safe. You always have been before.

Yet this time was different. Marcia you were a bitch. You came and you wreaked havoc on our beautiful, coastal town. The very town I grew up in and the town where I now raise my own family. The town which is home to many friends and family and a wonderful community. Our piece of paradise.

You destroyed family homes, tore down trees, flung branches and debris far and wide. The wrath of your destruction had to be seen to be believed.

Watching this drama unfold on national tv, waking to see a countdown until the bitch hit was all so surreal. Seeing reporters standing in our familiar streets while the weather ravaged on in the background, was like watching a scene from a movie. 

Seeing the updates on social media, seeing the pictures of people's experiences, hearing the reports, it all felt like an experience in the twilight zone. Hearing stories of survival and homes without power for days on end, it seemed like the end of the world.

We received word that our house was safe. Thankfully we live in a beautiful neighbourhood where our neighbours banded together to batten down our loose items for us or I may have a different story to tell. We were one of the lucky ones.

Families have lost their homes, their possessions, their cars, their incomes. Watching from afar as the community banded together to help each other out in this time of need made me proud to call this place home. The sense of community experienced as residents banded together offering their homes and electricity to those in need was truly heartwarming. The plot in the movie was getting better.

As we returned home yesterday afternoon, not really knowing what to expect when we got here, except that we were still powerless, brought anxiety to my trip. Not knowing what I would see or how far the devastation would spread, had me on edge.

Driving back on the highway from Rockhampton, the devastation was immediately evident. Vegetation and trees torn away, pushed over like skittles. Branches broken like small twigs being snapped in the hands of a young child.

The closer we got to the beach, the more we saw. Tears started to well in my eyes. Hopelessness swept across me. Gratitude quickly replaced these. Gratitude that the impact is superficial. Homes can be replaced. Possessions can be regained. Lives cannot be returned. Gratitude that so many who had come so close to losing it all came through with minor cosmetic damages.

While the images of Marcia and her devastation will disappear from the tv screens, it's a memory that will be etched in the minds of many families throughout the Capricorn Coast. Recovery from this disaster will take many months. But you Yeppoon, you are strong. You will rebuild. You will recover, You will recuperate. You will be restored.  You will be stronger and more beautiful than ever. And in the meantime, it's business as usual.

If you want to help out our community or you're looking for a great place to have a break #visitcapricorn or http://www.capricornenterprise.com.au/2015/03/call-for-hashtag-help-from-locals/

A New Year's Revelation

Unless you've been hiding under a rock in the middle of nowhere with no access to the outside world, you would have realised that we've opened the front cover of another brand new year. For some reason this sends so many people into a tail spin of short-lived resolutions , a mindset that they need to change who they are and that the year that has just passed us was "bad" for so many reasons.

A lesson I've learned along my way is that 365 days is a long time to wait before you change anything. Change is possible at any given moment; at any time you choose. You do not have to make radical changes to get maximum benefit in your life. Small ones accompanied by daily deliberate action are enough to get you to where you want to be. Of course if you want to get there quickly, then more daily deliberate action is required.

With all the hype that comes along with the festive season and the impending New Year that follows, it often leaves me drained. I feel a societal push that I must set resolutions to be a better person. Really? Can't I just make a conscious choice throughout the year to make the changes and adjustments to my life as I see fit and where they're required? Well yes I can and I have and I do. But this is not the norm.

Goals are often set then we wait, wish and hope for them to magically appear before our very eyes. Just because you've set a goal doesn't give you any right to have it. You see, the thing with goals is that they are to be earned, achieved, strived for. They're not wishes to be granted.

Even more people set resolutions and then fail to put any action into place that will see them achieving what they desire. Is it any wonder that resolutions and goals don't work?

The other thing that irks me at this time of year is the underlying message that we're not quite enough. That the person we are right now is somehow inadequate.. That the achievements of the past 365 days didn't fill the quota of expectation.  That because we didn't tick off every single goal we set for ourselves, we are a failure.Just because your dream car isn't parked in your garage yet doesn't mean you weren't successful.

We focus so much on what didn't happen rather than what did. Most people don't know how to look at who they are at the end of the year compared with who they were when they started the year and to notice the growth, the challenges that presented some really great lessons and quite often unexpected gifts. Celebrate the small stuff.  Celebrate often. Look for the good - you'll find it.

My message for you is this:

 "You are enough. You have enough.

 You can change at any moment you choose, don't be guided by the calendar on this. 

Last year has been and gone - celebrate the good times, the lessons, the gifts, the laughs. 

Acknowledge the times you would rather forget.

Notice the lessons that were hidden in these experiences. 

Look up and ahead to the path that now lays before you. 

Each morning you open your eyes is a gift. Appreciate this.

 Do what you can in that day to squeeze the most out of it. 

Go to bed at night knowing that you have fully lived your life that day. 

Wake up tomorrow and repeat". 

Being PND Aware

Dear Fellow Mums

You may or may not be aware that this week is Post Natal Depression Awareness Week. You may have just cringed as you read that, and that's ok. This post is not for everyone.

Right now you may feel like you're sitting on the bones of your backside in the deepest darkest blackest place you've ever known,  or you are reduced to tears for no good reason, you may feel or you are constantly feeling guilty, worthless and incapable of going on, you may feel at a loss of what to do, who to turn to. I know these feelings well, because I have been there - in the cupboard, shrouded in darkness, sad, lonely and lost. Feeling like I was the only one. But I wasn't.

As a Mum who has travelled the rocky and bumpy path of PND and come through the other side, I feel it's my duty of care to reach out and help those who may be struggling with being a new Mum or just being a Mum in general.

If you are feeling in any way depressed, overwhelmed or simply not coping with motherhood, please reach out for help. (At the end of the post I will share with you some fantastic organisations that exist that can help you).

Reaching out and asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Your family relies on you more than you will ever know. If you are not functioning well, neither does your family. Mothers are the glue that hold families together.

Talking about how you are feeling is so important. Getting out of your head and putting your feelings into words can help so much.

Please know that no matter how dark and heavy you may feel, it can get better and it will get better. You must be the person to make this decision. If you can't make the decision for you, make it for your family, for your children, for their future. As my GP told me "a happy, healthy Mum makes a happy, healthy family".

Your mental health and wellbeing is just as important as your physical health. If you are physically unwell, chances are you would do something about it. Why should your mental health be any different?

It's okay to feel afraid, scared and frightened of what may lay before you. Reach out. Talk to someone you trust (a friend, your GP, a counsellor, Life Coach).

What's not okay is to try to battle through alone, hoping these feelings will just go away, because they don't and they won't. So as I promised earlier, here are the names and links to some wonderful organisations doing fabulous work with PND & Perintal Mental Health ( Peach Tree Perinatal Wellness, PANDA, Smiling Mind, COPE, Beyond Blue, Lifeline) Connect with them, utilise their resources.

From one Mother to another, I send you love, strength and courage. I send you peace for your heart. I send you hope for a brighter tomorrow. I send you light for the long dark tunnel.

Love always

Shanelle

Feeling Like a Square Peg in a Round Hole

It's been funny week. Funny in the sense of strange not the ha ha type. Actually, if  I am honest, this feeling has been hanging around for a while. There's a part of my identity that is still adjusting to life as a mother of two. And it's more than that. Once again, I am struggling to find my place in the world and that's where the feeling of uneasiness stems from.

I've come to the conclusion that in life you never really have it altogether. There's always something out of whack or slightly amiss. For me at the  moment, it's my connection to the outside world. I'm well aware that my identity changed when I became a mum for the first time. What I wasn't expecting that it would happen again. Although as I am writing this, it's all beginning to make sense and things are becoming clearer (the power of writing your thoughts down!).

You see the dynamics have changed yet again. We've gone from a family of 3 to a family of 4. I now have 2 gorgeous children dependent on me to love, nurture, educate, co-ordinate schedules, feed, clothe and shelter. Little Miss 5 has gone from being an only child, having both parents all to herself to now having to share us and quite often having to wait when she's seeking our attention.

Perhaps you're reading this and thinking "well what did you think was going to happen when you added another child to the family?". To be perfectly honest, I didn't put too much thought into it. I just thought that Little Mister would fit in and go with the flow. And for the most part, he does such a beautiful job of that. Half the time you wouldn't even know he was here.

Where I could have invested some time and thought was into how I would feel and cope as a parent of two children after being a parent to one child for almost 5 years. How would I cope with the feelings of guilt when the older child needs me, yet the younger one is attached to me for what seems like the umpteenth time that day? How would I feel having even less time for myself than I did before, yet my mind is constantly ticking away with thoughts and random ideas of things to write about, things to share with the world and things I can create to help other parents? How would my relationship with my significant other be impacted by having an extra family member, hence extra responsibility resulting in even less quality time together? The questions could continue, but I shall stop with these few.

Even if my time had been invested in pondering the answers to the questions, I don't think it would have eased the situation any. What has helped me this far has been my mindset and approach to what's been going on. Learning to be in flow, taking life moment by moment, recognising that "this too shall pass", seeking out advice from other parents who have more than one child have all helped.

Where the isolation has set in recently, is when I am with a group of mums and the conversation seems to constantly revolves around the latest achievements of our gorgeous cherubs. While it's great to be able to compare notes and seek advice for the challenges that crop up along the way, I quite often walk away feeling flat and depleted. (Part of this is an added bonus of being an introvert where being in large groups drains me of my energy and I need alone time to regroup and recharge).

Perhaps it's selfish to want a little something for me - a stimulating conversation, a discussion, posing questions and sifting through the possible answers, to talk about something more meaningful, that lights me up and ignites a fire in my belly. After all, the majority of the rest of my time is taken up focused on the little people in my life. Is it wrong to want a little something for me? Perhaps I am the misfit - the square peg so desperately wanting to drive itself into a round hole, to fit in and be accepted (yet I know it's okay to not be a cookie cutter version of me). Surely I am not on my own here though am I?

The Gift of Surprise

If you're friends with me on Facebook, you may have seen my post the other day about Miss 5 and the library. If you're not, here's a quick rundown.

Last week Little Mister and I were headed to the library for Baby Time. Coincidentally Miss 5's library books were due back and I told her that we would drop them back for her. She was disappointed that she had to go to kindy and couldn't come and pick new books for herself.

I asked her if I could surprise her by picking some books out for her to have when she got come from kindy. After a little convincing, she finally agreed that this would be good.

When she got home, she took her library bag off the bench and peeked inside it. Suddenly there were
 gasps and ohh's and ahh's and squeals of excitement as she pulled out each item to see what we'd picked out for her. The look of delight on her face was priceless. Never have I seen a reaction like this from her.It was so much better than any birthday or Christmas gift she'd ever received.

She excitedly returned my "surprise" the following day when she surprised me with taking the rubbish out. Bless her! Some days it really is the small things.

It got me thinking about how we often go out and spend money and often agonise over selecting a gift for someone when the most meaningful gifts I've given have been ones that haven't cost me money, but a small portion of someone's time.

With Christmas just around the corner I've got my thinking cap on this year as to how I can do things differently and give gifts of time to my loved ones. Over the years I've grown to hate the consumerism fest Christmas has come to be - the obligatory gift buying, not knowing what to get certain people, the crowds you have to battle to pick out your gifts; there's so much stress and pressure. And while I love to receive gifts, there's nothing worse than receiving something that you won't use.

So stay tuned, once I have gotten my ideas together of what I will do, I will post them. Perhaps you may want to join the "Doing Christmas Differently Bandwagon" this year or maybe you already do and I am slow to catch on! If you have any ideas or suggestions for me; please post them in the comments, I would love to hear them!

A Promise to Myself

I'm well aware that it's been quite some time since I posted, considering I found a post I'd started to write talking about how Little Mister is now 3 months old. Well today Little Mister turns 4 months old. Boy has the time flown! I'm a little guilty of letting other priorities take over and have missed the moments spent tapping away at the computer allowing my musings to take form. Anyhow, that's not what I intended to write about today.


What I wanted to share with you was a promise that I made to myself yesterday. For much of my life I've been an incredibly emotional person. I feel things deeply. I cry easily (read very easily, at the drop of a hat kind of easy!) and it's not because I'm sad or mad or angry or frustrated. I cry because sometimes I am incredibly overwhelmed that I cannot find the words to express the intense emotion that I am feeling and it's then those tears escape the levy.

I used to think that crying was weak and because I was crying so often I must be sad. Yet, I've come to realise that a good cry is an incredible way to release and flush out pent up emotion. Life seems so much clearer after a good release! The discovery I made yesterday was that I also get teary when talking about my passions.

You see, I'd gone into our local community centre to enquire about hiring a venue for a new parenting group for parents dealing with post natal depression. While sharing a little of my story with the office lady, the tears started to roll and flow out of the corner of my eyes. I wasn't sad. I was overwhelmed that I had come full circle in my own personal journey that I am now in a position to support others who may be finding it difficult to adjust.

As the tears slid down my face I apologised to her  and said I was having an emotional day (she probably thought I was crazy and that's okay if she did, that's her beef, not mine!). We chatted for quite some time and she revealed to me that she'd suffered PND with each of her 3 children. Side note here for a second - I find it incredible how many people have actually suffered from this and how many have suffered in silence. All the more reason for me to do what I can to support others.

Replaying this scene as I drifted off for my afternoon nap, I had a powerful realisation. I am human. I am emotional. I am here to love. I am here to give. Feeling for me is a way of life. No longer will I apologise for my tears for they are a genuine part of who I am. They are part of my humanness, my softer side. My heart may be more exposed to the world than others, as it seems to be overflowing with love and passion for so many people and causes, yet I am okay with that. For now, I am doing what I can to make a difference to causes I am passionate about. And the promise I made to myself was to allow my emotions to be seen and to stop apologising for who I am and what I feel.

How about you? What gets you emotional? What are you passionate about? I'd love to hear!

Lets Start An Emotional Revolution!

Managing our mental state is something we do on a daily basis and usually more than once a day. I can't recall using Pythagoras theorem since I left the school yard.

Why then does our education system place so much importance on theories that we may never use and yet fail to teach one of the most important life skills required in all our daily interactions and relationships?

Is it any wonder there are generations out there who are unable to communicate their true and genuine feelings when they've never been equipped with the tools?

Feelings and emotions are very real, they are definitely not airy fairy. Embrace them for what they are, listen for the message they have for you and if you are not feeling the way you want to feel, seek out support. One conversation has the ability to completely shift your focus.

We can't rely on our education system to emotionally educate our children. We as parents must take responsibility for that. In order to do that, we must be aware of our own feelings and emotions. Bring awareness to your feelings, just take a moment right now to check in with how you're feeling. Learn to do this regularly. The emotional revolution starts here and now!

The Angry Mum

Since the arrival of Baby Number 2, the dynamics of my relationship with Little Miss 5 have changed dramatically. We are constantly at loggerheads with each other and most days it feels like she's the parent, not me. Often I find myself angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, frazzled and by the end of the day, my tank is completely depleted.

I'd say my style of parenting is fairly relaxed. I like to give her options to make her own choices and decisions. However, recently she has been quite defiant and doing her own thing, back chatting everything and not necessarily making good choices!

The other morning she chose her outfit, as she's done for a couple of years now. She came into my bathroom to see me in a denim jumpsuit that was obviously a couple of sizes too small. Just picture camel toe  and the world's worst-looking wedgy. I asked her to change into something else and said that that one belonged in the "too small pile". She said she wanted to wear it and that was that. So she did.

The next morning, she was up at the kitchen bench making her lunch for Kindy as she quite often does. She knocked her water bottle off the counter and it split when it hit the tiled. I floor. Well the waterworks well and truly flowed then. She sobbed uncontrollably about her most precious water bottle in the whole wide world and how she wanted to keep it just to look at it. Patience was not on my side as I told her it was an accident and promptly threw the broken bottle in the bin.

I was surprised later on in the day to receive an email from one of her teachers saying that Little Miss 5 had told them about the fight she'd had with Mum that morning. It was interesting to have the story relayed back to me. I realised then that to me it was just a water bottle, but to her it was one of her most worldly possessions.

Reading the email I also realised that anger had been building up inside of me. It wasn't about the water bottle. It was about the fact that I didn't feel in control as a parent. My little girl is growing up and wanting to do things to help Mum out and she's doing some pretty naughty things to get my attention as well. The tears started flowing. I felt helpless and didn't have the answers or the resources to solve this problem.

I've written before about the mayhem our evenings bring - the frustration, the tears and the tantrums, the-trying-to-get-her-into-bed-at-a-decent-time-and-failing-miserably. The water bottle incident was like the straw the broke the camel's back this week. There's nothing worse than conscious incompetence - where you know you suck at something!

As sad as I felt about my conscious incompetence, I knew I needed to seek help. A visit to the child health nurse to have Little Mister weighed and measured, eventuated into a meltdown over Little Miss 5. At the time I felt embarrassed, yet grateful there was someone in the community I could talk to. I needed some "how to's" to regain some control and direction for Little Miss 5.

And that's what I walked away with. A new strategy for getting through the nights when we're home alone. A strategy to give her some much-needed attention and Mum-time. A sense of peace knowing that this too will pass, that things will get better and easier and more cohesive, these things just take time and patience. A glimmer of hope that there's another way. That we're all out there doing the best we can with what we have. That asking for help is easier than I thought it was. That there is always someone out there who has trodden the path before who can offer tips, tricks, advice and strategies; for this I am grateful. xxx

If you find yourself feeling out of control, know who you can turn to and that there is a wealth of resources and help available. Parenting & motherhood is a learned thing. Your relationship with your child/children will benefit from you seeking out the answers :) 

Entering the World of Baby Wearing - Diary of a Second Time Mum

Until a few weeks ago, I had no idea what the term "baby wearing" meant. When a friend suggested I check it out after writing on here that Little Mister loved to be cuddled while he slept, the name conjured up all sorts of interesting images in my mind. Do you like go to the wardrobe in the morning and pick out which baby to put on for the day? Is it something conjured up by hippies? Sounds like it! (Note to self: research the origins when you have a spare moment or two!)

After discovering that baby wearing is the term given for carrying your baby/child in some form of carrier, be it structured or not, curiosity set in and I went in search online to find one. I had a carrier with Baby Number 1 and had used it a few times with Baby Number 2, but found it quite bulky and it just wasn't working for me. It was a structured one and quite a mean feat to get the baby in and out of. I absolutely couldn't get him out without waking him up!

I came across the Bubba Moe sling-type ones online and it caught my eye. I liked the look of it because it seemed to carry in the position that Little Mister loved to be held in. It was also a great price for my "babywearing" experiment. And after YouTubing the instructions, it looked pretty user friendly - something I could cope with when I am half asleep! After I won the bid, payment was made and I waited and waited and waited for it to be delivered. Three weeks later and it still hadn't arrived. So I got a refund and ordered another one.

Last week Bubba Moe sling number one finally turned up on my door step. Followed the next day by Bubba Moe sling number 2. The first couple of attempts to "wear" my baby were awkward to say the least. I am very grateful for online video tutorials on YouTube - talk about lifesaving! Anyhow, going with the theme of "if at first you don't succeed", I kept trying and found that Little Mister is now really loving it. He falls asleep in there within a few minutes of being held.

I am loving it because it frees my hands up to do other things while he's cat napping like a koala bear (is that even possible?). It's so easy to rock and jiggle him if he needs soothing or settling in this position. So I guess it's pretty safe to say that we've found ourselves a winner!

The Second Wife - Guest Post from Sonja Preston (The Parenting Cafe)

I want you to imagine for a moment… Your partner tells you that he is bringing home a new wife to live in the family home. He tells you how exciting it’s going to be, and how much he’s looking forward to her arrival. He says you’ll need to help this new wife, and to share your things – your clothes and your room with her, and that he wants you to love her too. He reminds you that you are still special, but that there will be another special one there too! How would you feel? Most of us would be in disbelief, enraged, and feeling like we weren’t loved enough, or that we weren’t special enough.
Yet, isn’t this what we often expect of child number one, when we announce that’s there’s a new baby joining the family? As adults we struggle with the whole concept of a 2^nd wife, yet we expect a 2/3/4 year old (with infinitely less mature social development) to understand, and ‘be nice’ to this new baby! It sounds unreasonable when expressed like that, doesn’t it? In some cases, the first few weeks may be a novelty for the first child, but then some reach a stage where they ask you to ‘send the baby back’!

So, what might a toddler or young child be feeling, when a new baby arrives:

• Lonely – you are busy with the baby, and the toddler is left ‘alone’ more frequently;
• Sad – that he doesn’t have your attention as much;
• Angry – that the baby takes so much of your time;
• Tired – if the baby cries a lot and disturbs his sleep;
• Unloved – he may interpret the time with baby as the baby is ‘better’ or more appealing than himself;
• Naughty – often parents expect a toddler to know that he has to be gentle with a baby, or to be quiet when baby is asleeep.

It’s quite normal for toddlers to find ways to get your attention away from the baby – they need to go to the potty when you are feeding the baby, or they play the noisy toys just as you are settling the baby down – the toddler is saying: ‘Notice me… I’m still here and I’m special too!’

So how can you help your toddler adjust?

• When the toddler comes to visit you (if you are in hospital), make the toddler the focus of attention – lots of kisses and cuddles, tell him how much you’ve missed him!
• Let the toddler ‘notice’ the new baby, rather than you make a fuss about the baby. The toddler may be more interested in you, than in the baby. Next to the baby, have a present from the baby, to the toddler – a book, a toy car, a puzzle.
• Ask relatives who visit you, to spend time with the toddler first, before focussing on the baby, and if appropriate, ask them to have a small gift for the toddler also – this reinforces that he is also special.
• Have both Mum and Dad spend time with the toddler each day, even a few minutes of playing time is beneficial. Apart from breastfeeding, Dad’s can do everything for the new baby, like Mums can – this then frees Mum up to spend some familiar play time with the toddler.
• While you are feeding the baby, read to your toddler, so he can snuggle in close too.

If he shows aggression towards the baby, use Emotion Coaching: ‘I know you are cranky because you want Mummy to play now, but that doesn’t mean you can push the baby.’ Stick to your boundaries, as that provide stability for them, even if they don’t like it at the time. The toddler may ‘regress’ a bit, in the belief that if he is babyish, that you will have more time for him too. They may want a bottle, or to talk ‘baby-talk’. Support them as they adjust to this big change in their life.

Children do eventually adjust – give them time, lots of cuddles, play-time with you, and lots of reminding of how much you love them, and how special they are.

– Image by Micah Sittig via Flickr

© Copyright 2014 - The Parenting Cafe

Sonja Preston has worked with over 500 families, assisting them with child development information, helping them manage the issues which can come up in parenting, strengthening their bonds with their children and all in a relaxed, fun environment. The information she shares is research based, so you know you are getting the best.

She has a strengths based approach, believing that parents are the best teachers for their children, and that her role is to support them with additional information, and lots of acknowledgement and praise for the great job which parents do. 

The Parenting Cafe offers free weekly articles, webinars and personal visits - focussed on child development information, tips for managing the issues which arise in parenting, and how to have fun and connection with your child. 

For more details see www.theparentingcafe.com.au

Sonja makes parenting easier and fun!

The Unwelcome Visitor - Diary of a Second Time Mum

Laying in bed last night after a hectic four or five days, I noticed a familiar tightness in my chest and then noticed my breathing was short, almost gasping. My body was tense and my muscles tight. It took me back to my "first time mother"days. As I lay there in this state, I realised that anxiety had begun to creep back into my life.

Over the past few days, I'd put a lot of pressure on myself to single-handedly  pull off a 5th Birthday Party for Little Miss Now 5 with all sorts of spanners thrown in my direction. Even though the party was a success, there were many obstacles that came up along the way. Starting with my partner having to work, my mum falling sick and not being able to make it on the day to help out, people turning up who hadn't rsvp'd (that really puts a well-planned pass the parcel into disarray!), siblings coming with their brothers/sisters that I hadn't been informed of (my inner control freak went into complete freak-out mode for a bit there!)

Reflecting now, I realise that I had set myself a huge task. I wanted this birthday to be a special one for Little Miss 5, except it nearly came at the cost of my sanity. With all the random acts of the universe being thrown into the mix, I felt challenged and yet took pride in overcoming these challenges as they arose. The whole experience though was tinged with a fear that had been quiet within for a long time. It's visit on Sunday was unexpected.

This re-birthed my fear of "not being good enough". I felt I was on show, that my mothering and organisational skills were being judged, that my cake decorating skills needed to reflect something out of a Dona Hay magazine. It was all about me. For awhile there I lost sight of why I was doing what I was doing...... it was all about my daughter, not all about me!

I learned a few valuable lessons going through this experience:

•  I am great at offering help to others. I am NOT great at asking for help or accepting offers of help. (Note to self - learn how to do more of this).
• I am prone to setting my expectations of myself too high 
• Practicing mindfulness and meditation is beneficial to my mental health and wellbeing (more on that in my next post!) 

The good news is that I survived. The great news is that I was able to recognise this pattern in my behaviour (allbeit after the event), I am now able to let go of that feeling of anxiousness and pull out the relaxation music and candles. The best news is that I will never again set myself an almost unachievable task without first seeking the help of others!!

Until next time,

Love

Shanelle

Picasso has Moved In - Diary of a Second Time Mum

Date: Sometime in the past few weeks (They're beginning to meld together now)

Dear Diary

It appears we have acquired ourselves a resident 4.9 year old Picasso. I thought we managed to skip this phase completely, but alas, Picasso made her move late into our house.

Recently we've found doodles and scribbles on her dolls, her table, the window sill (I may or may not have hit the roof about this being in our brand new house!) But the straw that broke the camels back and sent our household into disarray was the discovery of her drawing on the tv in the toyroom.

And probably what made all hell break loose was the fact that Dad discovered this latest piece of artwork. I came back into the house after hanging out some washing to find the tv unplugged on the dining room table and a sobbing child who wouldn't tell me what had happened.

After some careful coaxing, I managed to get out of her that she'd drawn on her tv and Dad had confiscated it. We then decided to put  a 2 week ban on tv watching of her shows on any of the household tv.

So far things are going well and she's hardly noticed the absence of Peppa Pig, Fairy Kingdom, Play School, or Sesame Street. And just quietly, my sanity is grateful for this break in ABC2. She's spending more time outside jumping on the trampoline, swinging on the swings and monkeying around on the monkey bars.

I am beginning to wonder if we could turn this into a permanent thing. I could really get used to it!

Until next we meet!

xxxx