Because Parenting Isn't Always Peachy

If you've been following my blog for awhile, it's no secret that I suffered Post Natal Depression after the birth of my first born. I suffered in silence and guilt for a long time, not wanting to confide in anyone and feeling ashamed for the feelings I was having towards motherhood.

If you want to read about the ins and outs of my motherhood journey, head over here for a squiz.

About 18 months ago I was lucky enough to find a wonderful organisation called Peach Tree Perinatal Wellness who are dedicated to helping parents who have or at risk of developing a mental illness during the perinatal period. As soon as I read their website, I fell in love with what they do and how they are doing it. Mainly because it's so aligned with my own personal values and big, hairy, scary vision of developing a Parenting and Perinatal Wellness Centre for the Capricorn Coast.

But that's not what I am writing about today!

This weekend I am heading to the magnificent Sunshine Coast to take part in the Peach Tree Coastal Trek - a 22km trek to help raise awareness of perinatal wellness and the work that Peach Tree is doing. If you would like to support me, please head to my supporter page to donate.

This is the major fundraising event for the year. Being a not-for-profit organisation they don't receive any funding from the government, so rely solely on fundraising and winning grants for projects. It helps to keep Peachy Parents Groups running each week. We are seeing success with the group I was involved in starting in Yeppoon earlier in the year and it would be wonderful to be able to spread this even further.

Little Mr and I have clocked up many km's over the past few months getting ready for Saturday. Any support you can give will go to a great cause. Parenting isn't always peachy and it's a relief to know that there's support out there if and when you need it.

Head on over to https://peachtreetrek2015.everydayhero.com/au/shanelle to make a donation.

A New Year's Revelation

Unless you've been hiding under a rock in the middle of nowhere with no access to the outside world, you would have realised that we've opened the front cover of another brand new year. For some reason this sends so many people into a tail spin of short-lived resolutions , a mindset that they need to change who they are and that the year that has just passed us was "bad" for so many reasons.

A lesson I've learned along my way is that 365 days is a long time to wait before you change anything. Change is possible at any given moment; at any time you choose. You do not have to make radical changes to get maximum benefit in your life. Small ones accompanied by daily deliberate action are enough to get you to where you want to be. Of course if you want to get there quickly, then more daily deliberate action is required.

With all the hype that comes along with the festive season and the impending New Year that follows, it often leaves me drained. I feel a societal push that I must set resolutions to be a better person. Really? Can't I just make a conscious choice throughout the year to make the changes and adjustments to my life as I see fit and where they're required? Well yes I can and I have and I do. But this is not the norm.

Goals are often set then we wait, wish and hope for them to magically appear before our very eyes. Just because you've set a goal doesn't give you any right to have it. You see, the thing with goals is that they are to be earned, achieved, strived for. They're not wishes to be granted.

Even more people set resolutions and then fail to put any action into place that will see them achieving what they desire. Is it any wonder that resolutions and goals don't work?

The other thing that irks me at this time of year is the underlying message that we're not quite enough. That the person we are right now is somehow inadequate.. That the achievements of the past 365 days didn't fill the quota of expectation.  That because we didn't tick off every single goal we set for ourselves, we are a failure.Just because your dream car isn't parked in your garage yet doesn't mean you weren't successful.

We focus so much on what didn't happen rather than what did. Most people don't know how to look at who they are at the end of the year compared with who they were when they started the year and to notice the growth, the challenges that presented some really great lessons and quite often unexpected gifts. Celebrate the small stuff.  Celebrate often. Look for the good - you'll find it.

My message for you is this:

 "You are enough. You have enough.

 You can change at any moment you choose, don't be guided by the calendar on this. 

Last year has been and gone - celebrate the good times, the lessons, the gifts, the laughs. 

Acknowledge the times you would rather forget.

Notice the lessons that were hidden in these experiences. 

Look up and ahead to the path that now lays before you. 

Each morning you open your eyes is a gift. Appreciate this.

 Do what you can in that day to squeeze the most out of it. 

Go to bed at night knowing that you have fully lived your life that day. 

Wake up tomorrow and repeat". 

Reminiscing, Not Returning

I'm sure you've seen or heard this somewhere in the past,  You can't drive to the future using rear view mirror". I agree with it to some degree. From where I stand, it's okay to look back at the past and what happened, it's okay to reflect upon the lessons you learned then, it's okay to pat yourself on the back and say "Hey, look how far I've come. Man I've kicked some great goals and I am glad that I went through XYZ to get to where I am today". That kind of revisiting of the past is healthy, helpful and reassuring.

What's not healthy is when we revisit the past and hang out there. When we take on the emotions, the character we were and the beliefs we had at that time. To give you an insight of what I am talking about, I was recently set a challenge by a mentor to revisit a time in the past that was very defining for me, to write about my experiences and learnings that have helped me to get to the place I am in today. At the time of the experience, I felt helpless, hopeless, lost, dark, heavy, fearful, afraid, like I couldn't do the right thing and had no clue what I was doing. My self esteem was sub zero to say the least.

I will admit, I've been procrastinating ... a LOT. Consciously I know that the past is the past and its over and done. I've had endless flashbacks and memories of what happened during that time. The defining moments have been popping into my head daily and yet I've been struggling to get the thoughts out of my head and down onto paper. I have also been waging a full-scale internal military battle about the fact that I've been set this challenge, have been procrastinating and now two weeks since our meeting, I've not yet gotten anything concrete done. Fear has arrived and unpacked its suitcase, yet again. This time it's different though. This is more a fear around rejection, however that's a story for another time.

On the weekend I had decided that I was going to sit down and make a start on my challenge. I knew what I wanted to write and thought I knew how the words would pan out on the page. I sat in front of my computer and began to call upon the memories and pictures that had formed that particular experience. But then something else happened, I also took on the emotion of the feelings of the time just like putting on an old comfortable jacket. It probably would have been okay if I'd used these emotions to actually write with, but I chose the more commonly-trodden path of throwing myself a pity party!! 

Suddenly, I was right back there and I was that character. My partner called me to ask me to do something for him and he got the girl that was haunted our lives 4 years ago, not the woman I've become today. Then that caused a whole lot of tension between us. It was as if someone had hit the rewind button on our lives. It was scary. I had succumbed to the powerlessness I used to experience.

To be honest it lasted longer than it should have. However, I did pour a glass of ice water on my face to wake up to reality. To reflect that I am no longer that person. I am growing. I am changing. I am evolving. I am learning from the past and the lessons it presented. I am now even more passionate about my challenge, so much so that I am taking the time today to sit and write about my experiences.  

Today, I will choose to take the observation deck to the past. The emotion is still there, the memories will always be there, but I know now that I am merely an observer. The past has no power over me. And if I can help just one other person by sharing my story and my experiences, then I will be a happy woman. If I can help someone else to feel empowered, to see the light when all they can see is dark and to hear that life has a beautiful melody that you control the volume, the tempo and the bass of, I can go to bed at night knowing that I have fulfilled my passion for life. I believe that inside all of us is a story filled with lessons, waiting to be told.