Finding Your Own Beat

Following on from my post this morning ..... (looks as though the writing bug is back for a visit lol!)

There is more I'd like to share with you ....

Now is the time to march to the beat of your own drum. What makes your heart sing? What sets your soul on fire? How would you really love to spend your days? What fills your heart up that it's full to overflowing?

We are being called upon to stand up, to rise up, to carve our own paths, to embrace our uniqueness, to use our creativity, to connect with each other, to learn, grow and share from each other. To step outside of where it is comfortable.

The energy is changing. We don't have to keep doing things the way we have been. We have a choice. We can choose to change or we can choose to stay the same. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

But what if you went after what's calling your heart and soul? What if you went and did the thing you've been longing to do - the course, the business, the retreat, working with the mentor, the coach?

If you don't, it will always be a "what if?". And "what if's" don't get us very far. The only way to learn and grow is to take a chance on yourself. To start somewhere. To make a decision. To begin. To take the first step. And it may be something small, seemingly insignificant to start with. Although nothing is ever really insignificant. All the pieces have a place and they all fit together.

Perhaps it's a conversation you need to have, perhaps it's a matter of getting the idea out of your head and onto paper, perhaps you need to take yourself outside into the fresh air.

Ask yourself -

What is it that I really want?

Where am I now?

What can I do right now to take me one step forward towards my vision?

Who can I talk to and share my goal/dream/vision/desire?

Who can support me with this?

It's only when we ask ourselves these questions and take the time to answer them, that we can begin to formulate a picture of what we want, otherwise we keep showing up, doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result and not sure why it's not happen.

All it takes is one single choice.

Sending love, light & gratitude

Shanelle

The Work From Home Juggle

The end of May marked the end of 12 months maternity leave. It also marked me committing to working from home permanently. I left the tenures of my "permanent" employment status and my payroll details now have casual lodged beside them.

In some ways this was very freeing and in others very freaking scary. For the first time in a very long time, I have backed myself knowing that I am good enough at what I do to be able to support working solely from home ..... on one of my passions.

For those of you who have been following and reading my story for a while now, you'll be aware that I have a few things I am passionate about in this life. Committing to casual home user in my travel agent role has allowed for a lot more freedom and flexibility in other areas, allowing space and time to pursue those passions.

It also means that I am well aware of the struggle of the juggle that happens each day. Being at home in my environment is warm, cosy and comfortable, not to mention full of distractions. I can go to the fridge whenever I choose, make a coffee, switch on trashy tv or put on an audio book at my leisure. The world is totally my oyster!

It also means that I am well aware of when the house is dirty, the washing is piling up and dinner needs to be prepared. I have an almost-walking just shy of one-year old heartbreaker who is still very much dependent on me for all his needs and a Little Miss Prep who needs to be ferried here and ferried there. Plus I have my other desires pulling at my heart strings for me to pay more attention to them. My hands are always full, quite often overflowing!

So how do I do it I hear you ask? Most of the time.... not so well. Some days it works and some days it doesn't. Some days I can plough through my to do list and have my tasks completed by lunch time. Other days I barely get to touch the list. And I'm getting cool with accepting that.

What have I learned?
Flexibility is the key - nothing ever goes to plan. One email can change my whole day. I do what I can when I can.

Doing what I can when I can - I make the most of moments as they appear. If bub is sleeping, I am in work mode. If bub is awake, I am in Mum-mode including him in what I am doing.

Being kind to myself - the thing with working at home on your own is that there's a lack of cheer squad there to give you a pat on the back or a pick me up on the days you need it. If you can get it done that day, great. If not, it can wait, The world isn't going to end if it's not completed today.

Being in the moment - wherever I am in my day and whatever I am doing, I am wholeheartedly making an effort to be "ALL" there. My attention totally focussed on that task at that moment. Yesterday has been and tomorrow will come. Here and now is what matters most!

Each day is an opportunity to begin again - just because I tried something yesterday and it didn't work doesn't mean I can't try again today or attempt to adapt my strategy. It's important to change things up to avoid falling in a rut, Fresh air and sunshine cure EVERYTHING!

If one way doesn't work, try another -  a favourite quote of mine is "5 +4 =9. So does 6 +3." Different methods, same results.  There's always another option, an alternative, a different choice. Embrace flexibility!

So there you have it, from one mother to another. Do you work from home? How do you manage the struggle with the juggle?

Breaking Up With My All or Nothing Mentality

This past week has been quite a turning point for me personally and professionally. Last week I wrote about having my shit together for the arrival of our baby. And yes physically speaking, I am prepared for his arrival. I have all the "things" needed to take care of him.

What I didn't realise was that my mental preparation wasn't quite where it needed to be. A conversation with a close friend and fellow coach woke me up to the fact that I was gripping rather tightly to an "all or nothing" mentality, after she rejected the invitation to my pity party (Do yourself a favour and find friends who can snap you out of your doom and gloom thinking, not join in with you!).

Somewhere along the lines I'd decided I could only be Mum or could only be a professional. And if I was Mum, it meant I had to do EVERYTHING on my own. I thought my business needed to get parked in the corner whilst I carried on being Mum of a newborn and an energetic 4 year old.

What a MASSIVE awakening to realise that I can do both.

For too long this "all or nothing" mentality has played the devil's advocate in my life. Not only was it affecting my current thinking; when I took a huge step back and took a bird's eye view, it was affecting almost EVERY aspect - my business, my health, my relationship, my parenting, my creativity, my wealth. I was placing so much pressure on myself.

When I say "all or nothing" what  I mean is I was either in there gung ho, pumped up with my heart's desire to achieve an outcome instantly. When I wasn't instantly gratified in pursuit of my feat it became nothing. I  stopped taking action.

The learning I've taken away from this is:

"how can I create consistency in the areas that are important to me right now?" 

Consistency is the key to unlock the doors that I had shut down on myself. Having the ability to take small bites of the pie regularly, rather than trying to shove the whole damn thing in my mouth in one go is the approach required.

Right now it's not about having it all, it's about creating a lifestyle that is sustainable and a fit for my family and I. It's not about turning up, leaving and taking a break at set times, working under pressure, meeting deadlines, working for someone else or having to jump because someone in a higher position told me to. I am me. I get to create my own way of doing things. I finally get it!

Acknowledging this has opened up so many possibilities. No longer am I thinking I can't have my business and a baby. Now I am thinking how can I keep my business ticking over while I am taking care of my baby.?

You all know that my passion is to help other mums adjust to motherhood. I can't just put a lid on that jar and shove it in the back of the pantry hoping I get to use it before its expiry date. My passion pulses through my veins just like my blood, it's there morning, noon and night, it excites me, it invigorates me and most of all it lights me up. I can't switch it on or off willy nilly, but I can let the flame continue to burn gently as I get through the first few months of being a Mum to two wonderful children.

The thing I find interesting, is when you are ready, the messages start to appear before you. My friend also passed on this article for me to read:
http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140423172238-6435-talented-women-please-do-not-quit?fb_action_ids=10151955477686580&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582

It was like confirmation and the timing was impeccable. Do yourself a favour, grab a cuppa and allow 10 minutes to read it for yourself.

So how did I get to this point of epiphany and ideas exploding like fireworks in my mind? With the help of my friend, I was able to get my head out of my ass and stopped staring at the next 6 -9 months with gloom and doom; feeling all sorts of helpless and compiling my excuses list.

What she got me to do was take myself out to 5 years from now and take a look at what was happening for me in my business and my family. How did I want things to be? Who was I helping in my business? What was I doing during a normal day? Once I could see that, we stepped to 2 years from now and did the same thing and then lastly 6 months from now.

As we worked through, it became clear I could progress steadily towards my ultimate dream of establishing a perinatal wellness centre on the Capricorn Coast. A sancutary where mums can come to connect with other mums, a place where there is a midwife on hand to talk through any issues, a place that is serene and calming, a place that has yoga and meditation classes for mums, mothers groups and workshops and the possibilities continue to flow.

What hit me as well is that I don't need to wait a year or two years to bring this dream to fruition. I can start now. I can keep writing and sharing my message. I can record videos and write books and articles. I can enlist the help of other bloggers to guest post to give my readers something to read each week without there being pressure on me to have to write. I can embrace technology and begin to automate some aspects of my business. I can continue to grow and flourish by reading and educating myself. I can continue to coach and run workshops here and there. I can let the flame of my dream continue to burn. I can make a difference.

Reminiscing, Not Returning

I'm sure you've seen or heard this somewhere in the past,  You can't drive to the future using rear view mirror". I agree with it to some degree. From where I stand, it's okay to look back at the past and what happened, it's okay to reflect upon the lessons you learned then, it's okay to pat yourself on the back and say "Hey, look how far I've come. Man I've kicked some great goals and I am glad that I went through XYZ to get to where I am today". That kind of revisiting of the past is healthy, helpful and reassuring.

What's not healthy is when we revisit the past and hang out there. When we take on the emotions, the character we were and the beliefs we had at that time. To give you an insight of what I am talking about, I was recently set a challenge by a mentor to revisit a time in the past that was very defining for me, to write about my experiences and learnings that have helped me to get to the place I am in today. At the time of the experience, I felt helpless, hopeless, lost, dark, heavy, fearful, afraid, like I couldn't do the right thing and had no clue what I was doing. My self esteem was sub zero to say the least.

I will admit, I've been procrastinating ... a LOT. Consciously I know that the past is the past and its over and done. I've had endless flashbacks and memories of what happened during that time. The defining moments have been popping into my head daily and yet I've been struggling to get the thoughts out of my head and down onto paper. I have also been waging a full-scale internal military battle about the fact that I've been set this challenge, have been procrastinating and now two weeks since our meeting, I've not yet gotten anything concrete done. Fear has arrived and unpacked its suitcase, yet again. This time it's different though. This is more a fear around rejection, however that's a story for another time.

On the weekend I had decided that I was going to sit down and make a start on my challenge. I knew what I wanted to write and thought I knew how the words would pan out on the page. I sat in front of my computer and began to call upon the memories and pictures that had formed that particular experience. But then something else happened, I also took on the emotion of the feelings of the time just like putting on an old comfortable jacket. It probably would have been okay if I'd used these emotions to actually write with, but I chose the more commonly-trodden path of throwing myself a pity party!! 

Suddenly, I was right back there and I was that character. My partner called me to ask me to do something for him and he got the girl that was haunted our lives 4 years ago, not the woman I've become today. Then that caused a whole lot of tension between us. It was as if someone had hit the rewind button on our lives. It was scary. I had succumbed to the powerlessness I used to experience.

To be honest it lasted longer than it should have. However, I did pour a glass of ice water on my face to wake up to reality. To reflect that I am no longer that person. I am growing. I am changing. I am evolving. I am learning from the past and the lessons it presented. I am now even more passionate about my challenge, so much so that I am taking the time today to sit and write about my experiences.  

Today, I will choose to take the observation deck to the past. The emotion is still there, the memories will always be there, but I know now that I am merely an observer. The past has no power over me. And if I can help just one other person by sharing my story and my experiences, then I will be a happy woman. If I can help someone else to feel empowered, to see the light when all they can see is dark and to hear that life has a beautiful melody that you control the volume, the tempo and the bass of, I can go to bed at night knowing that I have fulfilled my passion for life. I believe that inside all of us is a story filled with lessons, waiting to be told.

Oh! The Places You'll Go!

Dr Seuss is a fabulous children's author. I didn't appreciate him enough in my younger reading days. Being a mother, I am now blessed with a second chance to immerse myself in his witty ways and interesting plays on words. My all-time favourite book of his is 'Oh! The Places You'll Go'. It could be given out as a manual for understanding life and I love sharing it with my clients.

The way he simplifies the complexities of life, breaks them down and makes fun of the overwhelm we can sometimes find ourselves in.  He talks about becoming the winningest winner of all, except sometimes you don't because sometimes you won't. He teaches us that failure is part of life and we can't always expect to be successful, but to keep trying and have another go. I love to remind myself of this lesson by remembering when my daughter was learning to walk. She didn't just wake up one morning and could walk. She learned to pull herself up on the furniture, fell down on her backside on many occasions, yet got up again and again to give it another go, she learned to take one step and then another and then eventually after much practise, she was able to walk. Sometimes we just need to give ourselves time and to allow ourselves the luxury of giving it another shot.

The story teaches about the journey being long and far, but to keep going and not to lose sight of the bigger picture. I love his take on the "waiting place". The first time I read it as an adult, it really resonated with me. We spend so much of our time waiting for things to happen that are external to us, rather than taking control of the reigns and being responsible for our own outcomes. Good things aren't just going to land on our doorstep. It takes courage, passion and perseverance, knowing what it is you're working towards and the discipline to keep going even on the days you feel like giving in and hiding in the corner. The hard work will pay off.

Everyone's got their own mountain that they're climbing. Their own passion. Their own dreams. Their own path. Their own fears. Only you know your journey, your destination and what's right for you. Remind yourself of this constantly. Have a big enough vision and reason why to keep driving you forward even on those days where you're feeling a little overwhelmed or bewildered with it all. If in doubt, grab yourself a copy of Dr Seuss and get to work unslumping yourself!