Breaking Up With My All or Nothing Mentality

This past week has been quite a turning point for me personally and professionally. Last week I wrote about having my shit together for the arrival of our baby. And yes physically speaking, I am prepared for his arrival. I have all the "things" needed to take care of him.

What I didn't realise was that my mental preparation wasn't quite where it needed to be. A conversation with a close friend and fellow coach woke me up to the fact that I was gripping rather tightly to an "all or nothing" mentality, after she rejected the invitation to my pity party (Do yourself a favour and find friends who can snap you out of your doom and gloom thinking, not join in with you!).

Somewhere along the lines I'd decided I could only be Mum or could only be a professional. And if I was Mum, it meant I had to do EVERYTHING on my own. I thought my business needed to get parked in the corner whilst I carried on being Mum of a newborn and an energetic 4 year old.

What a MASSIVE awakening to realise that I can do both.

For too long this "all or nothing" mentality has played the devil's advocate in my life. Not only was it affecting my current thinking; when I took a huge step back and took a bird's eye view, it was affecting almost EVERY aspect - my business, my health, my relationship, my parenting, my creativity, my wealth. I was placing so much pressure on myself.

When I say "all or nothing" what  I mean is I was either in there gung ho, pumped up with my heart's desire to achieve an outcome instantly. When I wasn't instantly gratified in pursuit of my feat it became nothing. I  stopped taking action.

The learning I've taken away from this is:

"how can I create consistency in the areas that are important to me right now?" 

Consistency is the key to unlock the doors that I had shut down on myself. Having the ability to take small bites of the pie regularly, rather than trying to shove the whole damn thing in my mouth in one go is the approach required.

Right now it's not about having it all, it's about creating a lifestyle that is sustainable and a fit for my family and I. It's not about turning up, leaving and taking a break at set times, working under pressure, meeting deadlines, working for someone else or having to jump because someone in a higher position told me to. I am me. I get to create my own way of doing things. I finally get it!

Acknowledging this has opened up so many possibilities. No longer am I thinking I can't have my business and a baby. Now I am thinking how can I keep my business ticking over while I am taking care of my baby.?

You all know that my passion is to help other mums adjust to motherhood. I can't just put a lid on that jar and shove it in the back of the pantry hoping I get to use it before its expiry date. My passion pulses through my veins just like my blood, it's there morning, noon and night, it excites me, it invigorates me and most of all it lights me up. I can't switch it on or off willy nilly, but I can let the flame continue to burn gently as I get through the first few months of being a Mum to two wonderful children.

The thing I find interesting, is when you are ready, the messages start to appear before you. My friend also passed on this article for me to read:
http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140423172238-6435-talented-women-please-do-not-quit?fb_action_ids=10151955477686580&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582

It was like confirmation and the timing was impeccable. Do yourself a favour, grab a cuppa and allow 10 minutes to read it for yourself.

So how did I get to this point of epiphany and ideas exploding like fireworks in my mind? With the help of my friend, I was able to get my head out of my ass and stopped staring at the next 6 -9 months with gloom and doom; feeling all sorts of helpless and compiling my excuses list.

What she got me to do was take myself out to 5 years from now and take a look at what was happening for me in my business and my family. How did I want things to be? Who was I helping in my business? What was I doing during a normal day? Once I could see that, we stepped to 2 years from now and did the same thing and then lastly 6 months from now.

As we worked through, it became clear I could progress steadily towards my ultimate dream of establishing a perinatal wellness centre on the Capricorn Coast. A sancutary where mums can come to connect with other mums, a place where there is a midwife on hand to talk through any issues, a place that is serene and calming, a place that has yoga and meditation classes for mums, mothers groups and workshops and the possibilities continue to flow.

What hit me as well is that I don't need to wait a year or two years to bring this dream to fruition. I can start now. I can keep writing and sharing my message. I can record videos and write books and articles. I can enlist the help of other bloggers to guest post to give my readers something to read each week without there being pressure on me to have to write. I can embrace technology and begin to automate some aspects of my business. I can continue to grow and flourish by reading and educating myself. I can continue to coach and run workshops here and there. I can let the flame of my dream continue to burn. I can make a difference.

Dreams turned into Reality

I've been a bit quiet on the blogging front lately. This is largely due to the fact that I've been busy working away at my first e-book "Mojo for Mummas", which I am proud to announce was published through amazon.com late last week.

http://www.amazon.com/Mojo-Mummas-Cracking-motherhood-peppered-ebook/dp/B00IZ5QU5G/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1395102781&sr=8-1&keywords=mojo+for+mummas

 I've been delivering "Mojo for Mumma's" Workshops to Mums in my local community and have developed a program around it that will go online. With the impending arrival of baby number 2 in June, I want to be sure people have a way to access what I've created whilst I am re-learning the ins and outs of having a newborn.

It's long been a dream of mine to write. As a child I loved writing stories and reading was a passion. Somewhere along the line, I lost sight of that dream; until late last year when I really reconnected with myself writing those 10 successive blog posts about my motherhood journey. Then I realised I had a story to share with the world. My story. My truth. One that no one else had experienced, but perhaps others would benefit from reading about and maybe save themselves some heartache.

Writing those posts reignited my passion for sharing a piece of me through the written word.  When I sat down to write my ebook, it just flowed. Everything I needed was there already within me. It was my story. Words flowed out of my brain and onto the pages in front of me. The writing process came easily and effortlessly, despite months of wondering what to write, how I should write and what others would think of my writing.

The lesson I learned from this experience, is that you are ready now. You do not need to wait to get "good enough". You do not need to invest money in bettering yourself. The learning comes from the doing. You can't prepare for a marathon by sitting on the couch reading books about preparing for a marathon.

One must take action. Daily. Deliberate. Action. One step in front of the other. Picking yourself up when you fall down. Choosing another path when the one you're on isn't getting you the outcome you like. Consistency. Having a circle of friends you can turn to on the days you don't think you're going to make it. Being responsible. Committed. Dedicated. Seeing the end result before it's arrived. But most of all ... ACTION will get you there.

Still Waters Run Deep ........ and Stagnate

Have you ever seen a still body of water? What colour was it? Was it clear or murky? What did it smell like? Was there any movement? I'd put money on the water being brown or some other dark colour, where you couldn't see the bottom and the smell was putrid, almost to the point of churning your stomach and having you heave a little.

Take a moment to relate this back to a time where you've been lacking in energy, motivation, direction. Perhaps you were feeling down in the dumps, blue, depressed, overwhelmed, playing the victim, life is too hard, insert hard luck story here. You were being the still body of water - dark, murky and stinky. There probably wasn't a lot of movement or action happening for you. You probably weren't eating healthy and nourishing food. You were probably reaching for the block of chocolate or the packet of chips or the Tim Tams - whatever it is for you. That comfort food that you think helps you feel better but really all it does is contribute to that lacklustre feeling and you are no better off than when ate that first piece of the now half-eaten block of chocolate.

Quantum physics states that we are all energy. Reduced to our purest level - we are energy. Our body is the vehicle we use in this lifetime to get ourselves from a to b or x to z. Ultimately it's our energy that propels us through life, that drives us to achieve, that tells us when we are hungry and need to refuel, that tells us when we are tired and need to rest. And action creates energy.

So if you are currently not being active, don't have an exercise plan, your energy levels are pretty low. And when I say exercise plan, I don't mean the full on gym work out lifting weights and benchpressing until your puffer valve bursts! Unless that's what gets you fired up about exercise. What I mean is, if you're not currently exercising, just start. Move your body. Walk around the block. Get your body parts moving. That will get the blood flowing to all of your extremities. It will move the stagnation and you will start to feel better.  You will start to create ripples in your body of water and allow it to start to flow.

Once you have created a habit for yourself, then you can start to push yourself a little further and a little further, if that's what works for you or not. The key is to move. Just get off the couch, get those walking shoes on and move. Breathe the fresh air into your lungs, expel the "badness" as you exhale. Listen to the sounds around you. Hear the waves, as you walk along the beach. Allow your mind to wander, to think, to dream, to imagine, to ponder, to create, to desire, to inspire, to conspire. Allow your energy to increase itself naturally. You don't need those energy drinks or the coca cola or the coffee to do that for you. Simply by moving your body you can create a flow in your body of life. A flow that may one day soon become a raging torrent or a tidal wave or whirl pool or a river or an ocean - whatever you choose.

Have fun upping your energy and getting your natural high!