Breaking Up With My All or Nothing Mentality

This past week has been quite a turning point for me personally and professionally. Last week I wrote about having my shit together for the arrival of our baby. And yes physically speaking, I am prepared for his arrival. I have all the "things" needed to take care of him.

What I didn't realise was that my mental preparation wasn't quite where it needed to be. A conversation with a close friend and fellow coach woke me up to the fact that I was gripping rather tightly to an "all or nothing" mentality, after she rejected the invitation to my pity party (Do yourself a favour and find friends who can snap you out of your doom and gloom thinking, not join in with you!).

Somewhere along the lines I'd decided I could only be Mum or could only be a professional. And if I was Mum, it meant I had to do EVERYTHING on my own. I thought my business needed to get parked in the corner whilst I carried on being Mum of a newborn and an energetic 4 year old.

What a MASSIVE awakening to realise that I can do both.

For too long this "all or nothing" mentality has played the devil's advocate in my life. Not only was it affecting my current thinking; when I took a huge step back and took a bird's eye view, it was affecting almost EVERY aspect - my business, my health, my relationship, my parenting, my creativity, my wealth. I was placing so much pressure on myself.

When I say "all or nothing" what  I mean is I was either in there gung ho, pumped up with my heart's desire to achieve an outcome instantly. When I wasn't instantly gratified in pursuit of my feat it became nothing. I  stopped taking action.

The learning I've taken away from this is:

"how can I create consistency in the areas that are important to me right now?" 

Consistency is the key to unlock the doors that I had shut down on myself. Having the ability to take small bites of the pie regularly, rather than trying to shove the whole damn thing in my mouth in one go is the approach required.

Right now it's not about having it all, it's about creating a lifestyle that is sustainable and a fit for my family and I. It's not about turning up, leaving and taking a break at set times, working under pressure, meeting deadlines, working for someone else or having to jump because someone in a higher position told me to. I am me. I get to create my own way of doing things. I finally get it!

Acknowledging this has opened up so many possibilities. No longer am I thinking I can't have my business and a baby. Now I am thinking how can I keep my business ticking over while I am taking care of my baby.?

You all know that my passion is to help other mums adjust to motherhood. I can't just put a lid on that jar and shove it in the back of the pantry hoping I get to use it before its expiry date. My passion pulses through my veins just like my blood, it's there morning, noon and night, it excites me, it invigorates me and most of all it lights me up. I can't switch it on or off willy nilly, but I can let the flame continue to burn gently as I get through the first few months of being a Mum to two wonderful children.

The thing I find interesting, is when you are ready, the messages start to appear before you. My friend also passed on this article for me to read:
http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140423172238-6435-talented-women-please-do-not-quit?fb_action_ids=10151955477686580&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582

It was like confirmation and the timing was impeccable. Do yourself a favour, grab a cuppa and allow 10 minutes to read it for yourself.

So how did I get to this point of epiphany and ideas exploding like fireworks in my mind? With the help of my friend, I was able to get my head out of my ass and stopped staring at the next 6 -9 months with gloom and doom; feeling all sorts of helpless and compiling my excuses list.

What she got me to do was take myself out to 5 years from now and take a look at what was happening for me in my business and my family. How did I want things to be? Who was I helping in my business? What was I doing during a normal day? Once I could see that, we stepped to 2 years from now and did the same thing and then lastly 6 months from now.

As we worked through, it became clear I could progress steadily towards my ultimate dream of establishing a perinatal wellness centre on the Capricorn Coast. A sancutary where mums can come to connect with other mums, a place where there is a midwife on hand to talk through any issues, a place that is serene and calming, a place that has yoga and meditation classes for mums, mothers groups and workshops and the possibilities continue to flow.

What hit me as well is that I don't need to wait a year or two years to bring this dream to fruition. I can start now. I can keep writing and sharing my message. I can record videos and write books and articles. I can enlist the help of other bloggers to guest post to give my readers something to read each week without there being pressure on me to have to write. I can embrace technology and begin to automate some aspects of my business. I can continue to grow and flourish by reading and educating myself. I can continue to coach and run workshops here and there. I can let the flame of my dream continue to burn. I can make a difference.

My Vulnerability Hangover

As you are no doubt aware, last year I wrote several posts about my motherhood journey, sharing the highs the lows, the dramas the delights. It was an incredibly releasing experience for me. It allowed me to let go of so much of the emotional baggage I’d been carrying around for the past 4 years.

Telling my story allowed me to let go. It created space for me to move forward. But it’s also left me feeling like I’d opened myself wide up to the world and now I am bearing the brunt of a vulnerability hangover.

For those of you familiar with Brene Brown’s work, you will know exactly what I am referring to. For those who haven’t had the privilege of hearing this incredible woman speak, take a few minutes to check her out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o

You see, I felt like I shared too much. And in a way there’s a sense of shame associated with my story. Because it didn’t pan out the way I wanted it to. I felt like I had bared my soul to the cyber world and have no idea who has read my story or who knows the details of what I had shared. I don’t even really know if anyone else related to it or if it struck nerves or chords with those who read the posts.

I’ve been in a bit of a daze the past couple of months, mainly because so much has been happening in my personal life (and yes I will no doubt share the details with you in my coming posts) but also because I am not sure if my message was received and how it was received. Or if you the one reading this thinks I am a complete nutter?

We never really know what others think of us and we don’t need to. The reason I shared my story in the first place was to not only let go of the emotional baggage I’d been trudging around with, but to let others know that it’s okay to have a ‘less-than-perfect” approach to life  and that it happens with its twists and turns. It’s how you handle yourself in the fallout. It’s how you pick yourself up again and rebuild the pieces, even stronger than before. It’s the lessons we learn that form the beautiful patchwork quilt we make ourselves during our lifetime. I wanted others to know that it’s okay to reach out and share experiences.

And the more I’ve thought about this over the past few days, my reaction has been typical of what society has moulded us to be. Don’t share too much. Don’t be too honest. Don’t open up too much. I realise also that I had once again fallen in the trap of feeling as though there was some sort of standard I should be complying to, rather than just being me.

Stepping back, I gently reminded myself that there’s only one of me. I am unique and individual, as are you. We each have our own stories, tales that have melded, moulded and shaped us into who we are today. And for that, we should be proud. I have declared that it’s okay for me to be me and for me to share my story. It will resonate with some and others will think I’m a dick, and that’s totally cool.

But you know what, if what I share just helps one other person and begins a ripple effect in their life and helps them turn themselves around, rediscover who they really are before the world told them who they were meant to be, then I have made a contribution towards making the world a better place. I urge you to be the real, authentic you – that’s exactly who the world needs right now!