Since the arrival of Baby Number 2, the dynamics of my relationship with Little Miss 5 have changed dramatically. We are constantly at loggerheads with each other and most days it feels like she's the parent, not me. Often I find myself angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, frazzled and by the end of the day, my tank is completely depleted.
I'd say my style of parenting is fairly relaxed. I like to give her options to make her own choices and decisions. However, recently she has been quite defiant and doing her own thing, back chatting
everything and not necessarily making good choices!
The other morning she chose her outfit, as she's done for a couple of years now. She came into my bathroom to see me in a denim jumpsuit that was obviously a couple of sizes too small. Just picture camel toe and the world's worst-looking wedgy. I asked her to change into something else and said that that one belonged in the "too small pile". She said she wanted to wear it and that was that. So she did.
The next morning, she was up at the kitchen bench making her lunch for Kindy as she quite often does. She knocked her water bottle off the counter and it split when it hit the tiled. I floor. Well the waterworks well and truly flowed then. She sobbed uncontrollably about her most precious water bottle in the whole wide world and how she wanted to keep it just to look at it. Patience was not on my side as I told her it was an accident and promptly threw the broken bottle in the bin.
I was surprised later on in the day to receive an email from one of her teachers saying that Little Miss 5 had told them about the fight she'd had with Mum that morning. It was interesting to have the story relayed back to me. I realised then that to me it was just a water bottle, but to her it was one of her most worldly possessions.
Reading the email I also realised that anger had been building up inside of me. It wasn't about the water bottle. It was about the fact that I didn't feel in control as a parent. My little girl is growing up and wanting to do things to help Mum out and she's doing some pretty naughty things to get my attention as well. The tears started flowing. I felt helpless and didn't have the answers or the resources to solve this problem.
I've written before about the mayhem our evenings bring - the frustration, the tears and the tantrums, the-trying-to-get-her-into-bed-at-a-decent-time-and-failing-miserably. The water bottle incident was like the straw the broke the camel's back this week. There's nothing worse than conscious incompetence - where you know you suck at something!
As sad as I felt about my conscious incompetence, I knew I needed to seek help. A visit to the child health nurse to have Little Mister weighed and measured, eventuated into a meltdown over Little Miss 5. At the time I felt embarrassed, yet grateful there was someone in the community I could talk to. I needed some "how to's" to regain some control and direction for Little Miss 5.
And that's what I walked away with. A new strategy for getting through the nights when we're home alone. A strategy to give her some much-needed attention and Mum-time. A sense of peace knowing that this too will pass, that things will get better and easier and more cohesive, these things just take time and patience. A glimmer of hope that there's another way. That we're all out there doing the best we can with what we have. That asking for help is easier than I thought it was. That there is always someone out there who has trodden the path before who can offer tips, tricks, advice and strategies; for this I am grateful. xxx
If you find yourself feeling out of control, know who you can turn to and that there is a wealth of resources and help available. Parenting & motherhood is a learned thing. Your relationship with your child/children will benefit from you seeking out the answers :)
* Giving to me feels good
