The Unravelling

Sometimes she blows in softly, with subtle changes in the air. Other times like a giant hurricane, turning your inner world upside down. 

In this life we spend much time unravelling the ravellings we have ourselves twisted in. Breaking generational patterns, behaviours and beliefs. Trying to make sense of who we truly are and who we are truly meant to be. After all, what is our purpose here on this Mother Earth?

Emotions override everything. They underpin our thoughts, behaviours and reactions. What are these emotions and where did they come from? Are they even mine or are they ones I’ve been taught to feel? So many questions and often times without obvious answers. The real answers require the peeling back of many layers, a commitment to go deeper than deep, to where the pain point really lies. A true commitment to honour thy self and thy soul. To do the soul work and face the dark night of the soul. To delve where it is dark and coax out the pain. What is it really trying to teach us when we release all of the blame?

Of course the unravelling is a much more pleasant experience when we feel supported and guided, rather than attempting to go all lone-ranger. And the beauty is that you don’t need to unravel alone. Seek out a professional who is qualified in supporting someone to unravel their ravellings, who can truly hold the space. For it’s in this unravelling that we need a sacred space to observe, to ponder, to dissect and unfold. There is no place for judgement or blame in an unravelling. The support of a sacred space holder is quintessential to the unravelling and its effectiveness. One must feel completely safe and completely and wholly trust their support person.

You can’t do a half-assed job of unravelling. For if you do, you’re sure to find yourself back in the unravelling space time and time again. So if you’re ready to unravel your ravellings, be courageous and brave even though you may feel the fear. There is no better time than now to work your way through that which is holding you back from living your most fulfilled and passionate life. When you unravel your ravellings, the light can truly shine from the cracks within.

In love, light and gratitude

Shanelle

Searching for Answers & Seeking Clarity

Riddle me this and riddle me that (sorry there are no black cats about today!) ..... why is it frowned upon to talk about how we are really feeling? Why is mental health a touchy and almost taboo subject? Why do we feel the need to push our feelings down, like they don't matter?

I'm really curious to know the answers or to at least open up a discussion around these questions. Let's take this question by question, throw in some dialogue, perhaps provoke some deeper level thinking and discussion.

Why is it frowned upon to talk about how we are really feeling?
We learn from a young age to answer the question of "How are you?" with the obligatory "Ok". Even when we don't feel that way (how does ok feel anyhow?).

It's like we don't allow ourselves to really express our true feelings. And so begins the societal habit of masking. The thinking that we don't matter and our feelings aren't important. I'm aware that there are people who do offer up how they're feeling and are often seen to be complaining. That's a whole other kettle of fish.

What if we could live in a world where we're able to communicate openly how we feel, knowing that our feelings are our own, and we're totally responsible for them? That if someone offers to tell us how they're feeling, we don't need to fix them. They are whole and complete, doing the best they can. And to thank them for sharing their genuine feelings with us. For this to be the norm.

I don't know, it's just a thought. Perhaps it would reduce the amount of stress and anxiety experienced in our worlds. Or not.


Why is mental health a touchy and almost taboo subject?
So this one is a big 'un for me. I didn't even realise until my mid to late 20's that I had control over what went on in my mind let alone really understand the term of mental health.

My question is this, why is taking care of our mental health not something that is taught freely in our education systems or even in our homes? Looking after ourselves mentally is just as important as our physical and emotional well-being. Mental health doesn't get enough air time. Or if it does, it's the extremities.

My school of thought is if we're able to talk openly about how we feel (refer to the first question) that this would reduce stress and anxiety levels, that on the whole we'd feel more accepted and part of the tribe and many people would be a lot happier.

There's so much more to mental health than meets the eye.


Why do we feel the need to push our feelings down, like they don't matter?
We have feelings for a reason. We're human. We see, we touch, we listen, we speak and we feel. Our feelings are our feelings. They are real and genuine and they are ours. There's no right nor wrong way to feel something.

Feelings are our body's way of communicating with us. I'm someone who feels a LOT. That's why I fell in love with Danielle La Porte when I discovered her a few years ago. She asks the question "how do you want to feel?". Realising I had a choice in how I wanted to feel, was like opening a whole new world.

Feelings matter. A lot. They are the guiding light in our lives.  We as humans matter.

Maybe one day we'll be better equipped to have deeper, more meaningful conversations with each other. To be able to speak our truth in a way that is seen as normal. To open the doors of open communication. To remove judgement, fear and doubt.

Until then, we're all a work in progress. Perhaps we can start to generate a movement whereby when someone says "I'm okay", we don't just brush the comment and move onto the next topic of conversation. Maybe we look them in the eye and ask "How are you really?" Who knows what may come from that?

A Promise to Myself

I'm well aware that it's been quite some time since I posted, considering I found a post I'd started to write talking about how Little Mister is now 3 months old. Well today Little Mister turns 4 months old. Boy has the time flown! I'm a little guilty of letting other priorities take over and have missed the moments spent tapping away at the computer allowing my musings to take form. Anyhow, that's not what I intended to write about today.


What I wanted to share with you was a promise that I made to myself yesterday. For much of my life I've been an incredibly emotional person. I feel things deeply. I cry easily (read very easily, at the drop of a hat kind of easy!) and it's not because I'm sad or mad or angry or frustrated. I cry because sometimes I am incredibly overwhelmed that I cannot find the words to express the intense emotion that I am feeling and it's then those tears escape the levy.

I used to think that crying was weak and because I was crying so often I must be sad. Yet, I've come to realise that a good cry is an incredible way to release and flush out pent up emotion. Life seems so much clearer after a good release! The discovery I made yesterday was that I also get teary when talking about my passions.

You see, I'd gone into our local community centre to enquire about hiring a venue for a new parenting group for parents dealing with post natal depression. While sharing a little of my story with the office lady, the tears started to roll and flow out of the corner of my eyes. I wasn't sad. I was overwhelmed that I had come full circle in my own personal journey that I am now in a position to support others who may be finding it difficult to adjust.

As the tears slid down my face I apologised to her  and said I was having an emotional day (she probably thought I was crazy and that's okay if she did, that's her beef, not mine!). We chatted for quite some time and she revealed to me that she'd suffered PND with each of her 3 children. Side note here for a second - I find it incredible how many people have actually suffered from this and how many have suffered in silence. All the more reason for me to do what I can to support others.

Replaying this scene as I drifted off for my afternoon nap, I had a powerful realisation. I am human. I am emotional. I am here to love. I am here to give. Feeling for me is a way of life. No longer will I apologise for my tears for they are a genuine part of who I am. They are part of my humanness, my softer side. My heart may be more exposed to the world than others, as it seems to be overflowing with love and passion for so many people and causes, yet I am okay with that. For now, I am doing what I can to make a difference to causes I am passionate about. And the promise I made to myself was to allow my emotions to be seen and to stop apologising for who I am and what I feel.

How about you? What gets you emotional? What are you passionate about? I'd love to hear!

Lets Start An Emotional Revolution!

Managing our mental state is something we do on a daily basis and usually more than once a day. I can't recall using Pythagoras theorem since I left the school yard.

Why then does our education system place so much importance on theories that we may never use and yet fail to teach one of the most important life skills required in all our daily interactions and relationships?

Is it any wonder there are generations out there who are unable to communicate their true and genuine feelings when they've never been equipped with the tools?

Feelings and emotions are very real, they are definitely not airy fairy. Embrace them for what they are, listen for the message they have for you and if you are not feeling the way you want to feel, seek out support. One conversation has the ability to completely shift your focus.

We can't rely on our education system to emotionally educate our children. We as parents must take responsibility for that. In order to do that, we must be aware of our own feelings and emotions. Bring awareness to your feelings, just take a moment right now to check in with how you're feeling. Learn to do this regularly. The emotional revolution starts here and now!

Creating the future with our children

There have been a lot of changes in our household the past few months. Not only has the physical location of our home changed, but the make up and the running of it have also. My partner has a new job where he's working mainly nights, meaning that Miss 4 and I are home together during the evenings.

Ladies - if you're partner works away and you have to go days on end without contact and/or conversation with your partner, my hat well and truly goes off to you.

Those few hours at the end of a long day, seem to be the toughest in our household. (It could have something to do with the way I've been choosing to look at it!) However, it's here that the arguments start for us.

I ask Miss 4 to do something, she refuses. I ask again. She refuses again. I raise my voice a little and ask again. She still refuses. I raise my voice even more and she still refuses.... you get the picture right. This has been going back and forth to the point of escalation resulting in yelling from both of us.

This seems to happen on those nights when my day has been so long and I've had clients with me all day. Where my head is aching and my back is killing. The nights where I just want to zone out and do my own thing. Then I remember, I am a mum, with a child who needs to be bathed, fed and put to bed and so we continue in the rut we've created for ourselves.

The same thing happened this morning. So I sent us both for time out. Her in her room. Me in my office. After 5 minutes we came together, and I asked her if she wanted to talk about what had happened. She said no. I asked her if she'd like to draw a picture of how she was feeling when we were arguing. She was happy to do this.

Off she went and drew her picture and came back to me. I started asking her some questions like "how was she feeling?",  "how did she know it was time to get cranky?", "what did I say/do that she knew to be cranky". She was able to give me short answers.

I then drew how I was feeling when we were arguing. I drew frustrated. I then got her to ask me some questions like I'd asked her. We were able to understand how the other got to the point of yelling because for me it was having to ask over and over again and for her it was the rising tone of my voice.

Then we both drew and talked about how we wanted to feel instead. This was an incredibly powerful interaction. Those of you who know me, know that I am  passionate about Danielle La Porte's "The Desire Map". In her book Danielle talks about deciding how you want to feel rather than setting goals for the sake of ticking a box and getting more stuff.

The cherry on the cake came a little while ago when she walked into my office with our pictures from this morning asking if we could talk more about what we had drawn. I asked if she wanted to talk about the same things, she said "No, I want to talk about other feelings like excited and surprised".  There were tears of pride in my eyes as she said this.

Our children are the future. One day they will be leading our country and making the decisions that will affect us in our old age. Teaching them how to communicate and more importantly how to express themselves, identify feelings and be empathetic towards others are key in their development into healthy adults. As a parent, we are our children's biggest role models and most powerful influencers. I encourage you to realise what a precious honour this is and urge you to nurture this with your children at every opportunity.

The World Revolves Around ME!

I've been reflecting and thinking a lot lately about how internally focussed we are as human beings. Some crazy thoughts I've had in my life include - everyone is out to get me, I am not good enough to be close friends with xyz, I don't know enough, why do people always do this to me.....

This morning I'd dropped my daughter out to my mum's for the day so I can concentrate on finishing my assessments for my upcoming course deadline (yes, I am doing a great job and procrastination has crept in today :) Anyhow, I was driving back into town and was on a stretch of road that was double lanes with a few bends. Out of the blue, a car pulled out from behind me and overtook me. My instant reaction was "What an idiot! Who overtakes on double lines on a bend?"

That was old unresourceful me making it all about me!  I then chose to look at it from a different perspective... what if the person driving the car was late for work or was on their way to see someone who'd just been taken to hospital. My reaction immediately changed, the tension I'd been feeling softened and I started to feel compassion and love. A very conscious choice.

A couple of points I would like to make here... 99.9% of the time, other people are NOT  out "to get" us. They are more wrapped up in the vestibule of their own little world and don't often give you a second thought. So get over it and yourself.  And secondly, we can choose how to react/respond to any situation at any given time. We choose our emotions and our responses, they don't choose us. Just saying ......