High Flyer

Boarding a flight with a week-old baby was not something I had ever thought I would be doing. I also had never imagined that I would be travelling to the Royal Children’s Hospital to seek out treatment. But I was and we did. And we survived.

Getting on that plane, suitcases being loaded underneath, having no idea of how long we’d be away for, what would happen or what we were in for, was one of the scariest things I’ve done. My need for certainty was incredibly high and my anxiety levels were off the radar. It took a lot of deep breathing to remember that everything was going to be okay, that we would get through whatever was about to come our way.

The flight to Brisbane went by without a hitch. I was able to feed our girl during take-off and landing. No crying baby here. Only a mum who suddenly realised that everything she did was now on show, judged and that her most private anatomy was no longer her own. Breasts that had a mind of their own and were producing milk like there was no tomorrow to keep up with the demand of a newborn. The human body really is amazing. It always knows what to do and when to do it. We get into trouble when we overthink and overanalyse things. Sometimes you just need to let things be.

We checked in at the hospital for our appointment and were sent upstairs for an ultrasound of our girl’s hip. As we navigated our way through the corridors, I soon realised how lucky we were. It was heartbreaking to see other children who were much worse off than our little girl. We started to think that things were going to be okay. We were going to make it.

In the ultrasound room, we got chatting with the sonographer and told them about the experience we’d had in the other hospital. They kindly advised us that the bones of babies can’t be seen by xray until they are about 6 months old. WTF! I started to wonder why we had gone through what we had back there and was incredibly relieved to know that we were somewhere that knew what they were doing.

After meeting the orthopaedic doctor, he checked her out and consulted the ultrasound images. He confirmed that her right hip was dislocated. He told us that it is quite common in breech babies, female babies and first-borns. Yep, we had the hatrick! Treatment is usually a brace fitted on the body to hold the baby’s legs abducted while the ball joint grows into the hip socket for a period of 3 – 6 months. My partner and I looked at each other, bewildered at the simplicity of the treatment, yet overwhelmed with the brace the doctor had just produced from nowhere.

The brace was fitted there and then and suddenly our baby was a boxed package. Picking her up for the first time it was like picking up a robot and trying to cuddle it. It was awkward. Where was our baby! Newborn nappies no longer fit. We had to be careful about the outfits we chose for her to wear. She couldn’t wear skirts or pants or dresses. Thank goodness for wondersuits! That was it, we could go home. “Come back in a month” the doctor told us, “we’ll change the brace because she will grow”. 

Off we went back to the airport. I was exhausted, mentally, physically and emotionally. I was going through the security scanner carrying our girl and we kept setting the alarm off. Finally it dawned on me that her brace had metal in it and that’s what was setting the alarms off.

Back home that night, the wheels started to fall off. My breasts were so sore and tender from the constant feeding, my nipples had started to bleed and the ends of them were hanging on for dear life. I hadn’t heard about nipple cream and definitely hadn’t read about any of this in the pregnancy books! I sat on the edge of our bed tears streaming down my face, in so much pain, feeling helpless, that I had a crying baby depending on me for food and the one way I had of getting that to her was failing. I hadn’t brought formula, because my rules said that I was going to breast feed. I hadn’t brought a breast pump, because honestly I had no idea about them. Somehow I managed to get through the night.

The next morning, my partner had me on the doorstep of the shops as soon as they opened. We left laden with formula, nipple cream, baby bottles and a breast pump. Looking back now, I wonder why I wasn’t more prepared. Obviously I had no idea of what I could have been in for and no one ever mentioned to have these things on hand ….. just in case.

I’ve come to realise that in life it’s healthy to have more than one way to reach an outcome, more than one way to fulfil a need.  Someone wise once said to me “If you only have one way to reach an outcome, you’re screwed”. You’ve got to have options, more than one way to get to where you are going. Because sometimes you don’t know what you need until you need it.

When Instinct Kicks In

Standing, looking through the glass window watching my day-old baby being placed on the xray table, the assistant pulling her legs down to straighten them, her screaming and my partner being tasked with holding them straight was the moment I knew I was really a mother. All I wanted to do was run in there and push them out of the way, scoop up my baby and hold her in my arms. Soothe her. Protect her. Stop her cries.

Never had I felt so helpless and out of control. I wasn't allowed in the xray room, because I’d just had an emergency c-section. It was one of the most horrific experiences of my life. It was like living through a bad dream that I couldn't stop.

Soon enough the experience was over and I got my precious little bundle back. I could hold her tight and comfort her. We were sent back to the maternity ward to await the results of the xrays. And wait we did. At 9.30pm that night, I had just drifted off to sleep and a young doctor came in to tell me that the xray showed nothing about her left knee. He then proceeded to wake her up and check her out. He mumbled something about her hip not being right and left the room swiftly, with nothing else to offer.

Two days later a burly midwife came in and abruptly told me that I was to be down in xray in 10 minutes for baby to have her hip xrayed, otherwise I was spending the weekend in hospital. I was already climbing the walls and wanted out. However we couldn’t leave because the doctors couldn’t figure out what the issue was with baby’s leg.

Somehow I managed to get up and out of bed and shuffle myself along, ignoring the pain to push the crib to the lift, tears streaming down my face. I was on my own as my partner had left to get something to eat. On our way down we ran into my partner and he came with us to repeat experience at all over again. Talk about repetitive nightmares!!!

We were then sent for an ultrasound of her hip which revealed it was dislocated. At last we knew what was going on. What a relief! But it was temporary. The hospital we were in didn’t treat children this small. We were sent back up to the ward and told to put double nappies on her and wait for our next move.

Even though we had an answer, my partner and I were distraught. Would our child ever walk? Would she ever run? How did this happen? Whose fault is it? Why didn’t the young doctor send us for an ultrasound? And so began a vicious cycle of doubt and blame. It didn’t do us an ounce of good. We had to trust that the doctors knew what they were doing and would do their best to remedy the situation.

But the waiting game is the hardest of all games to play. You don’t know what comes next.  You don’t know how long you will be waiting for the answers to appear or if they even will. At some point, there’s a choice to be made about trust. Trust that everything will be okay and things will work out in the end, the way they are meant to.

Quite often when you’re in the heat of the moment, under stress with your adrenal glands in full flight, it can be difficult to focus on anything other than that moment. You get so caught up in all the emotion, you lose sight of the bigger picture. Our baby was healthy. We are not the first parents that this had happened to.

While we were waiting for our answers, we were blessed with the arrival of our midwife from antenatal classes. An angel sent from heaven. She talked to us. She listened to us. She cried with us. She got frustrated with us and went searching for answers. Finally, we had someone on our side, willing to bat for us.

And answers she got. After making several calls we were put on standby for an Angel Care flight to the Royal Children’s Hospital in Brisbane. Somehow we managed to get suitcases packed for us and brought to the hospital ready to go. We waited and waited and waited. It was getting later and later and didn’t look like we were going anywhere that day. Our beautiful midwife came in and told me she was going to discharge me, as nothing would happen over the weekend. We were to come back Monday and she would sort everything out for us.

Leaving the hospital with our bundle of joy was such an elating moment. What an ordeal it had been. Life had been turned upside down over the past few days. We were blessed with our beautiful girl, we just needed to get some answers and they would come in time. At least we could go home to our own home and get settled in, get used to being a family of 3.It was time to take some deep breaths, relax and savour those first precious moments together. We had an obstacle in our way, but it wasn’t stopping us from having our precious girl with us. We learned to be grateful for what we had.

Thinking about this experience now, reminds me of the saying …. “It’s not the hand you are dealt, it’s how you play the cards”. Little did I realise how big an impact this would have over the next few months. 

Journey of a Lifetime

Have you ever planned a holiday to some exotic location? Your tickets are booked. You’re busily reading everything you can get your hands on about your dream destination. You daydream. You fantasize. You imagine what it will be like to be somewhere you’ve never been before – to hear a different language, make an attempt to speak the language, to try different food and to experience a different culture. You’ve talked to your friends who been there before you and gotten their advice about the hot spots, the do’s, the dont’s. You’re pumped. Suitcase is packed. You’ve got your passport, your ticket and your hopes and dreams are pinned on this adventure of a lifetime. You are filled with anticipation, hope, excitement and curiosity.

There are some things in life you just can’t prepare for. It doesn't matter how much you research or how many books you read or how many other people you talk to who have been through the same experience, you just can’t prepare for becoming a mother. You also can’t walk down the street pregnant without a stranger offering some random advice and throwing in their two cents about what’s right and what’s wrong when it comes to motherhood and childbirth.

No two birthing experiences are ever the same. We are all unique as individuals, our bodies built perfectly for us. The birthing manuals can’t possibly cover it all. Well if they did, it would probably be a 24-volume encyclopedia version, and what mum-to-be has time to read that while she’s busy preparing for the arrival of her precious bundle. That same precious bundle that’s destined to turn her life and her world upside down and inside out, and not just during the birthing process, but potentially for the next 18 years or so as the bundle goes through the various stages of development and growth.

No book or conversation I had with anyone around pregnancy, motherhood or giving birth could have possibly prepared me for the experience I encountered when my beautiful girl came into this world 4 years ago. I was ready for her. I had wanted children for a very long time. I had natural maternal instincts. I believed that motherhood was my destiny and my future would see me as a stay-at-home mum raising a brood. My pregnancy was like a dream. No morning sickness for me. Everything was like clockwork, all according to the books and magazines ( the couple that I read) !

I remember at my 37-week check up with my GP, she told me that baby’s head was engaged and we were ready to go. I also remember at my 38-week check up with the new, young obstetrician at the hospital that he had some doubt as to whether or not the head was in fact engaged. At the time I laughed at him, mainly because :

a)      He was young and male

b)      I trusted my female GP implicitly

For whatever reason, he eventually concluded that things were as they should be and sent me home to wait out our impending, and much-anticipated arrival.

So I did. Everything was washed. Everything was set up. Everything was ready to go. All we needed was our baby. At ten past midnight on my due date, my waters broke. Off to the hospital we went. I had no labour pains at this stage and when the nurse checked me out at hospital she was going to send me down to the ward to see if anything was going to happen, except there weren’t any spare beds.  There was however a vacant birthing suite, so off we went to “see what happened”.

At 5.30am, I turned to my partner and told him I was ready to push and to find a midwife, they’d been few and far between. He looked at me like I was some crazy woman, but off he went nonetheless. When he returned with the midwife, she gave me the same crazy look, said she’d check things out to see what was going on.  She confirmed that I was indeed ready to push.

Nothing I had read, heard or talked about prepared me for what was to come. After some pushing it was confirmed that my baby was in the breech position. I was offered a c-section or to keep pushing to have a natural birth. My partner chose the second option, as I’d expressed my beliefs around c-sections. It was only to happen if it became a life or death situation.  
Pushing again and passing the time limit, without a baby, I was told that I hadn’t gotten very far, despite the midwives having convinced me I was about to give birth any minute.

I was whisked down to theatre for an emergency c-section, one leg hanging in the air as I was wheeled through the corridors and into the lift. In theatre, I was awake and conscious of what was going on. I don’t remember much of the actual process. I recall some tugging at my stomach and the doctor pulling our baby out and taking her to the observation table.  A reassuring cry came from our baby. The doctor came over, without telling us if we’d had a boy or girl (we were leaving it as a surprise), to inform us that there was something wrong with the baby’s leg and they’d need to investigate.

In that moment, I told myself that I was a failure. I wasn’t even good enough to get making a child right. I carried that with me for a very long time! It was all my fault. I was a failure. I wasn’t good enough. I was so disappointed in myself and felt like I’d let my partner down. I took that one moment and made it mean the end of the world in my mind. I could have chosen to be grateful for the fact that my child was otherwise healthy and well. After all, all of her limbs were intact and she was perfect in every way.

As humans, we tend to focus on the tiny negative aspect, rather than the more abundant positives that surround us. Focussing on the negative is to our detriment. I didn’t know any better at the time! I do now and so make conscious choices on a daily basis to be grateful, to focus on the positives, to live in the moment and to appreciate the little things. There is no guidebook for life. There is no rule book set in stone. Life is for living. Life is for making mistakes. Life is for breaking and bending the rules. Life is for figuring it out. Life is for making it happen. Lighten up. Live in the moment. Love your life for who you are and the experiences that have shaped the wonderful person you are today.

Reminiscing, Not Returning

I'm sure you've seen or heard this somewhere in the past,  You can't drive to the future using rear view mirror". I agree with it to some degree. From where I stand, it's okay to look back at the past and what happened, it's okay to reflect upon the lessons you learned then, it's okay to pat yourself on the back and say "Hey, look how far I've come. Man I've kicked some great goals and I am glad that I went through XYZ to get to where I am today". That kind of revisiting of the past is healthy, helpful and reassuring.

What's not healthy is when we revisit the past and hang out there. When we take on the emotions, the character we were and the beliefs we had at that time. To give you an insight of what I am talking about, I was recently set a challenge by a mentor to revisit a time in the past that was very defining for me, to write about my experiences and learnings that have helped me to get to the place I am in today. At the time of the experience, I felt helpless, hopeless, lost, dark, heavy, fearful, afraid, like I couldn't do the right thing and had no clue what I was doing. My self esteem was sub zero to say the least.

I will admit, I've been procrastinating ... a LOT. Consciously I know that the past is the past and its over and done. I've had endless flashbacks and memories of what happened during that time. The defining moments have been popping into my head daily and yet I've been struggling to get the thoughts out of my head and down onto paper. I have also been waging a full-scale internal military battle about the fact that I've been set this challenge, have been procrastinating and now two weeks since our meeting, I've not yet gotten anything concrete done. Fear has arrived and unpacked its suitcase, yet again. This time it's different though. This is more a fear around rejection, however that's a story for another time.

On the weekend I had decided that I was going to sit down and make a start on my challenge. I knew what I wanted to write and thought I knew how the words would pan out on the page. I sat in front of my computer and began to call upon the memories and pictures that had formed that particular experience. But then something else happened, I also took on the emotion of the feelings of the time just like putting on an old comfortable jacket. It probably would have been okay if I'd used these emotions to actually write with, but I chose the more commonly-trodden path of throwing myself a pity party!! 

Suddenly, I was right back there and I was that character. My partner called me to ask me to do something for him and he got the girl that was haunted our lives 4 years ago, not the woman I've become today. Then that caused a whole lot of tension between us. It was as if someone had hit the rewind button on our lives. It was scary. I had succumbed to the powerlessness I used to experience.

To be honest it lasted longer than it should have. However, I did pour a glass of ice water on my face to wake up to reality. To reflect that I am no longer that person. I am growing. I am changing. I am evolving. I am learning from the past and the lessons it presented. I am now even more passionate about my challenge, so much so that I am taking the time today to sit and write about my experiences.  

Today, I will choose to take the observation deck to the past. The emotion is still there, the memories will always be there, but I know now that I am merely an observer. The past has no power over me. And if I can help just one other person by sharing my story and my experiences, then I will be a happy woman. If I can help someone else to feel empowered, to see the light when all they can see is dark and to hear that life has a beautiful melody that you control the volume, the tempo and the bass of, I can go to bed at night knowing that I have fulfilled my passion for life. I believe that inside all of us is a story filled with lessons, waiting to be told.

Is Your Language Lighting Up Your World?

We've all got a list of things a mile long of all the shoulds, musts, have-to's, got to's in life. How do you feel when you tell yourself you should exercise, you have to take better care of yourself, you've got to clean the house today? These words lack in energy, passion, enthusiasm. You say them and it creates a resistance to the task at hand. They are otherwise known as  "Modal Operators of Necessity". As a result, you then tend to shy away from the things you know that will benefit you if you did in fact do them.

These words are heavy.Filled with rules. Full of implications and necessity. There are consequences ..... big ones, if you don't do what it is you say you are going to do do! These words are draining. You dread the action that needs to be taken, mainly because of the word/s that have preceded the doing word! The words we choose have more power than we realise!

The words we use are what helps us to create our reality, how we express our selves, how we communicate with ourselves and the outer world. What would happen if you were to get rid of the "shoulds",  "musts",  "have to's"in your life? What are some new words you could begin using instead? As speakers of the English language, there are thousands upon thousands of words at our fingertips, and yet we only use a small percentage. Tony Robbins talks about this his book "Awaken the Giant Within".

There are words we tend to favour and others we don't use at all. We get comfortable with our words. And after awhile, comfortable can get boring! I will always remember my grade 3 teacher telling me the only time he wanted to see the word "nice" was on a biscuit. I still cringe when I hear the word. After all, what is "nice"any way? It lacks depth, description and power. There are plenty of wonderful, descriptive and powerful adjectives out there, look them up in the thesaurus! Challenge yourself to bring a new descriptive word a day into your language. Expansion is growth! Let it be fun.

To bring this together for you, here is a list of words you can replace your "shoulds", "have to's",  "musts", "need to's" and  "got to's":

• I choose to ........
• I want to ......
• I'd like to ......
• I desire .......
• I might ......
• I may ......
• If I wanted to I could ........

Take the earlier phrase of "I have to take better care of myself"and insert one of the suggested replacements, "I'd like to take better care of myself". Doesn't that feel a whole lot better and sound a lot less harsher? You now have options. Maybe you will do it and maybe you won't. Either way, the world will keep turning and life will go on. Tomorrow morning you will wake up again and you get another chance. Take the pressure off yourself, there's so much on you already! Give yourself a break! Be kind to you. The relationship you have with yourself is the benchmark the rest of the world has to know how to treat you. And we all want to be treated with love and respect right?

Building Your Future is like Building a Brand New House

I came to this realisation the other day when thinking about what it is that I want for my future. What I want my future to look like. I can see the end result, all the bells and whistles and trimmings of the tangible, materialistic things I want to evolve, the feelings the experiences, the emotions, the friendships, relationships, connections, all the pretty things. And I kind of got to thinking that designing your future is pretty similar to building your house. It's a process. It takes time, patience, thought, persistence and effort.

It kind of helps that my partner and I are in the process of building our new house and perhaps that's where the correlation between the two took seed. There is so much that goes into planning a new house, it can be overwhelming. Just like planning your future. You start to think about what you want, what you want to do, who you want to be and all the beautiful things you want to have and then the overwhelm sets in. Well, where do I start and will I be good enough and do I deserve this and insert self-sabotaging story here.

The key to building and any future we are creating is to have a solid foundation. The aesthetics come along later.  If we don't have a solid foundation, a base, a platform to stabilise the building, then sooner or later our building will fall over.  It's only a question of when. When I think of how this relates to building your future, it means that you have a good grasp on who you are, what you stand for, what you won't stand for, what your core values are, what your beliefs about the world are,  what your core needs are, what your non-negotiables are. All the things that relate to the core of YOU!

Once you have a good grasp on who you are, then you can start to focus on the construction of your future. Take yourself out to completion, what does your end "building" look, feel and sound like? What gets you excited, motivated, fired up? What do you stand for? What will you no longer tolerate? What's your ideal average day like? Who are you spending your time with? How have you grown and stretched? What are you learning and how are you fuelling your brain? What have you done to have constant and never ending improvement in your life? What do you do for creativity? How do you express yourself? What is important in your world?

Begin with the end in mind. From there you can come back to your foundation and start to put in the framework. What goals are you reaching for in the next 90, 180 days, 1 year, 2 years and 5 years? Follow the process of beginning with the end in mind. See it, feel it, hear it. Notice what's going on around you when you have these things in your life. Write them down or draw them or speak into your iphone and record it. Whatever it takes. Capture it. Capture the emotion, the visuals, the sounds. Hold that tight. Make it come alive. Let it be bold and vivid. Wild. This is what will form the framework of your house of life!


Once you have your framework ie goals sorted, then it's time to think about your medium. What are the bricks you need to lay? What structure do you need to put into place to help you achieve your desired goals? What do you need to do every day? How does your ideal average day of the future relate to your ideal day now?  What do you need to start doing? What do you need to keep doing? What do you need to finish doing as it's no longer serving you and your purpose?

The windows of your house are your dreams and your vision. You can look out and see what's ahead of you. Keep dreaming. Always. Each and every day. Even on the days you feel like there's no hope and you can't see the forest for the trees. Keep your dream alive. Look at it. Listen to it. Feel it. Constantly remind yourself why it is you are doing what you are doing. Create beautiful vision boards to remind yourself of your future. Look at them often and dream!

The door is your way in and your way out. In relation to your house, it's the exit and entry strategy. How long are you going to continue with your plan? What time frame have you set? What's your strategy? How will you know when you've arrived?

The roof is what holds it all together. It encases the building. It protects the inside. It keeps the rain out. Nothing beats the sound of rain on a tin roof! A tiled roof just doesn't cut it! Your roof is your affirmations, the things you tell yourself. Your own words of encouragement and empowerment to you. The words with impact. Guts. Strength. The ones that bring out your inner courage. The ones that help you get out of bed on the days you just want to stay in there and hide from reality. The ones that give yourself that kick up the backside on the days you need it. The ones that say "hey you did a great job today". The ones that say "you are whole and complete". The ones that say "I love you for who you are and who you are becoming".

Your house has reached the lock-up stage. It's secure. It's tight. It's sturdy.Foundation, frames, bricks, roof, windows and doors. You may even have a key to the front door now so you can pop in to see what's happening on the inside..... Except when you go inside, it's an empty shell. It's time then to put in the walls, some paint, some tiles, some carpet, some colour.  What effort do you need to put in? What's your action plan?  What's your plan for constant and never-ending improvement? What are your daily, weekly, monthly action steps? What positive and empowering emotions are you choosing for yourself every day? How are you educating yourself? How are you going to colour your future? What colour scheme are you going to use? Is it time for the beige to go and to let a more vibrant side shine through? Is it a focus on self or business or relationships or health or family or education or fun? Or an emulsion of all, each with their own special part to play. Interweaving and intertwining.

Then comes the best part! The decorating. Choosing the furniture, the art, the colour scheme to bring your building alive. The perfect opportunity to let your personal touches shine through. In building your future, this relates to who you spend your time with, who you model, how are you growing and contributing, what kinds of conversations are you having? How are you educating yourself? What's the next step? How are you bringing fun into your days? What new things are you trying? What boundaries are you pushing with yourself? What limits are you breaking?

As you step back now and admire the beautiful home you've constructed, you feel proud of what you've accomplished.  A dream that's become reality. All because you got very clear and very specific about what you want, who you are, who you stand for and what you believe in.You love your new home and can't wait to move in and enjoy your creation.

Diffusing the Drama Cycle

At some point in our lives we've all been in a drama cycle. You may even have friends who come with their own "drama queen" tags. You know the ones that every time you see them, something huge has happened and this person did such and such to so and so and now his wife found out about it and they can't believe that this happened. You know the ones right? And the more often they share the story the more outrageous it becomes? We all know of someone who thrives on drama.

I will let you in on a secret though, once you know the 3 key elements required for drama to happen and you understand that you can diffuse it by not playing your usual role, life will take on a much more even keel. I remember at my coaching training Joe Pane was telling us his wife fulfills her need for drama at 4.30pm on a weekday afternoon on Channel 10. I had a little giggle to myself, because I knew the show he was talking about. However at the time, drama was playing a big role in my life and I had been completely unaware of the impact it was having. Now my need is filled at 7pm on channel 7 on a weeknight - I can't help myself, it's something I've watched since I was a kid.

The thing was, I never realised I was addicted to drama until I heard Joe talking about it. Suddenly everything made sense. He talked about the 3 roles being the victim, the agressor and the rescuer. I will now add a 4th role, which is that of the observer - the one who watches from a distance but doesn't get involved.

The realisation that I was continually playing the role of the rescuer in my family's drama was like being hit in the face with one big, cold, wet, smelly fish. During my lifetime I thought drama was normal and natural. That I was put on this earth to be the saviour. I could fix things and make things right again. I could get everyone to make peace. Or not!

Yes there is healthy drama, like watching a movie, because you're in the passive role of the observer. Unhealthy drama is when you're drawn into the web of someone else's warped reality. You may have heard Tony Robbins talking about the 6 core needs. People who have a high need for significance and/or uncertainty quite often create drama. However drama is meeting this need in an unresourceful way. It definitely isn't sustainable and takes a lot of hard work!

Once you become aware of a pattern, you have the opportunity to change what's been happening. A chance to break the cycle. To move forward. To stretch. To continue forward on your journey of becoming all you were created to be. Knowing the pattern and doing nothing about it, doesn't give you any reason to whinge and complain. Yet so many people do! Change is simple, easy and can happen in an instant. For some reason though we've been conditioned to believe that change is painful, difficult and should be avoided at all costs.

So, I've now come up with 3 simple steps to diffuse drama in your life for once and for all, if you choose :)


1. Recognise when you're being drawn into drama
- learn to recognise the warning signs (the stories, the he said/she said)
- learn to listen but not necessarily give your opinion (most of the time the other person just wants to be heard)

2. Find something else to fulfill your need for significance/uncertainty in a resourceful way
- Do things that take you out of your comfort zone regularly (take up a new hobby, try a new sport etc)
- Validate others and their importance to you and your life
- Volunteer your time to an organisation that could use an extra hand

3. Hang out with like-minded people
- Find people who are on your wavelength, who are centred, grounded and are able to have meaningful conversations
- Learn to spend time on your own and to enjoy your own company

And I will leave you with this quote below:

When did you last check in with your auto-pilot?

Take a moment to think about what happens when you see someone you haven't met before. What runs through your head? What thoughts do you have? Are they positive? Are they negative? What do labels do you use? I know it may be challenging because it all happens so quickly and quite often unconsciously.

What tends to happen when we see someone we don't know is that we start a process unconsciously to work out if they're like us or not. This usually starts by labelling. You know the ones "she's hot, she looks nice, she seems happy,"etc etc and the opposite ones "I would never wear that",  "I can't believe her skirt is that short", "Did she even look in the mirror before she left the house",  "She's stuck up". The list goes on. How do we make these decisions, judgements or labels I hear you ask?

This process literally happens in a nano-second. Our unconscious mind operates on auto pilot. It goes about making choices and decisions without us even being consciously aware. Ever been driving somewhere, arrived at your destination and then wondered how you even got there? You were more than likely operating on auto pilot.

So what happens when we see someone we don't know? Our brain goes into autopilot again. The unconscious mind is constantly searching for evidence of what we already know. So it's constantly filtering in the things that are "like"what we have experienced before. I'm not sure if you're aware or not, but every minute we have millions of bits of information coming at us from thoughts running through our minds, feeling a breeze, noticing a sound, listening to a conversation, hearing the rumble of our stomach, the list goes on. It is physically impossible for us to notice every single piece of information coming our way, so we use filters to filter in around 135 bits of information that our unconscious deems to be "relevant"in accordance to past experiences. These 135 bits are then filtered down into 5 - 7 chunks or pieces of information that we actually recall and are subsequently categorised in our brains. So there's a lot that's not taken in once you do the math. The rest of the information gets deleted, distorted or generalised based on what our brains are focussing on.

If you've ever hard the saying "what you focus on is what you get, to the exclusion of everything else", then you'll realise what's been going on upstairs for you. Change your focus, you change your results.

The point I wanted to make in writing this post was more about the unconscious process that is humming away before we've even met someone.  The fact that this whole process happens in a heartbeat and with our unconscious mind always deleting, distorting, generalising and then categorising, what hope do we have when meeting someone to meet them with a completely open mind? You can't really pause your brain and tell it to hold tight while you make your own decision! Well, you probably can if you make the choice to be open. To teach your brain to focus on appreciation, love, likeness, acceptance, gratitude, abundance rather than what's it's been used to for however many years.

We are creatures of habit and quite often the habits we've adopted we have no idea of how they came to be. Just envisage your life if you could steer your own ship and have even greater control over your thoughts. What world of endless possibilities would open up for you right now?

Still Waters Run Deep ........ and Stagnate

Have you ever seen a still body of water? What colour was it? Was it clear or murky? What did it smell like? Was there any movement? I'd put money on the water being brown or some other dark colour, where you couldn't see the bottom and the smell was putrid, almost to the point of churning your stomach and having you heave a little.

Take a moment to relate this back to a time where you've been lacking in energy, motivation, direction. Perhaps you were feeling down in the dumps, blue, depressed, overwhelmed, playing the victim, life is too hard, insert hard luck story here. You were being the still body of water - dark, murky and stinky. There probably wasn't a lot of movement or action happening for you. You probably weren't eating healthy and nourishing food. You were probably reaching for the block of chocolate or the packet of chips or the Tim Tams - whatever it is for you. That comfort food that you think helps you feel better but really all it does is contribute to that lacklustre feeling and you are no better off than when ate that first piece of the now half-eaten block of chocolate.

Quantum physics states that we are all energy. Reduced to our purest level - we are energy. Our body is the vehicle we use in this lifetime to get ourselves from a to b or x to z. Ultimately it's our energy that propels us through life, that drives us to achieve, that tells us when we are hungry and need to refuel, that tells us when we are tired and need to rest. And action creates energy.

So if you are currently not being active, don't have an exercise plan, your energy levels are pretty low. And when I say exercise plan, I don't mean the full on gym work out lifting weights and benchpressing until your puffer valve bursts! Unless that's what gets you fired up about exercise. What I mean is, if you're not currently exercising, just start. Move your body. Walk around the block. Get your body parts moving. That will get the blood flowing to all of your extremities. It will move the stagnation and you will start to feel better.  You will start to create ripples in your body of water and allow it to start to flow.

Once you have created a habit for yourself, then you can start to push yourself a little further and a little further, if that's what works for you or not. The key is to move. Just get off the couch, get those walking shoes on and move. Breathe the fresh air into your lungs, expel the "badness" as you exhale. Listen to the sounds around you. Hear the waves, as you walk along the beach. Allow your mind to wander, to think, to dream, to imagine, to ponder, to create, to desire, to inspire, to conspire. Allow your energy to increase itself naturally. You don't need those energy drinks or the coca cola or the coffee to do that for you. Simply by moving your body you can create a flow in your body of life. A flow that may one day soon become a raging torrent or a tidal wave or whirl pool or a river or an ocean - whatever you choose.

Have fun upping your energy and getting your natural high!

How Flexible is Your Behaviour?

One of the principles of success is to have behavioural flexibility. It's been said that the person with the most behavioural flexibility will control the situation.

What on earth is behavioural flexibility I hear you ask? The meaning I give it  is the ability to adapt behaviourally  to any given situation, to choose one's response and to manage one's state in a way that we remain at cause. Wowsers, that's a big one!

The simplified definition is being the best you can be in any given situation, realising that we all create our own reality and adapting accordingly to each situation to get the best outcome for all involved.

Take for example the fact that in my current job we lost our computers Friday lunchtime. They're still not back. The ETA for having them fixed is a week away. Pretty tough gig for a travel agent. How do you book holidays when everything these days is done on the computer? Well, you can't really. But you can find someone else who can help you do it!

We live in an age where we have more resources at our fingertips than we care to use. It's about  those resources, calling in favours, thinking outside of the box and even getting rid of the box. It's about working out which doors will open when it seems that no others will. It's about managing your emotions and your state and remembering there is a solution and just because it's not jumping out immediately, that there is a way. There is always a way.

It's about remembering that it's not just about you. It's about taking into consideration the other person and how they can be affected.  It's about considering the options from all different angles. Realising that there is more than one way of reaching your outcome. That the one way you always rely on may not always be there. Having alternatives is a good thing. It gives you choice. It gives your flexibility. It gives you nimbleness.

At the end of the day, it's not about you. It's not about your ego or how you feel. It's about being flexible enough to get a great outcome for all involved.

Fit Your Own Oxygen Mask First

This post is a bit of a follow on from my previous one. It's in relation to taking care of oneself before jumping in to save the rest of the world.....

That being said, I am not sure where the notion has come from that we need saving. What if we're all on our own paths meandering along on our own journeys? No one else knows what's right for us except for us. No one really knows how we are feeling except for us. No one can really appreciate the full extent of what we experience except for us. The only way we have of communicating how we really feel is through the words we choose to language our world.  withAnd the words we choose to use to language our world depend on the filters that we've used to form our piece of reality.

Confusing right? Yep. It most definitely is. We are all walking around in our own little made-up worlds, telling ourselves the stories we choose to tell ourselves and interpreting our experiences based on what we've experienced before. Each of us has our own version of reality. What freaks me out may completely excite you and vice versa.

With this knowledge then, we must use it to our advantage to realise that no one needs to be rescued. No one needs to be saved. We need to take care of ourselves first and foremost. This may be a difficult pill for some to swallow. However how good are you going to be when you are tired, run-down, emotionally exhausted? Yes it sounds selfish to take care of ourselves because it's the complete opposite of what society tells us. When I say take care of ourselves I don't mean that you completely forget that there are other humans in existence and this does not replace common courtesy. Simply it means fit your own oxygen mask first before helping others.

Ensure that you are taking care of self first and foremost. Only when we take care of ourselves properly are we of any use to anyone else. Only when we take care of ourselves are we able to help others. Only then are we completely ready and able to achieve our victories in this lifetime.

Coming full circle

In this post I wanted to share with you a personal journey I have been on over the past almost 4 years. It involves me becoming a mother. You see, growing up I always wanted children and wanted nothing more than to be a mother with my own family to love, nurture and cherish.

Imagine my shock horror when my daughter arrived into the world in a way that I had not planned for at all! I'd had the perfect pregnancy, my waters even broke at 10 past midnight on her due date. All perfectly going to plan! Up until I got to the stage of actual delivery. Modern medicine somehow missed the fact that our girl was upside down and in fact in breech until I was in 2nd stage of labour!

What came next was something I had not planned nor prepared for .... an emergency c-section. Immediately I told myself I had failed as a mother because having a c-section was not on my list of perfect mother qualities. Uh oh. Yep you can see it coming a mile away! I took one little event that I had no control over and turned it into a hundred thousand times worse than it was.

That moment where I chose to take on that meaning of that situation was my downfall. I can say that now because looking back everything is so much clearer than it was in the haze of emotions and hormones. There began my downward spiral. I loved my daughter from the get go. But I didn't love being a mother. I didn't enjoy being at home with her on my own, not knowing how to soothe her cries, existing on a lack of sleep, not knowing if I was doing the right thing. Heaven help me, life was so much easier when I was working. I knew when I was and wasn't doing a good job, I had instant feedback from all angles to let me know that.

I decided to head back to work... part time... then full time ... then took on the role of the Manager .... then nearly had a break down because I could no longer be everything to everybody... then I went part time again .... 4 days a week.... because I had discovered that looking after myself I could see things more clearly, keep my feelings and emotions on a more even keel, be happy with myself, my relationship, enjoy time with my daughter, spend time with friends, study again. I had options and choice again. The fog was lifting......... and lifting ... and lifting .... and it still is.

This month I cut my workload down even further to spend more time with my gorgeous girl who never ceases to amaze me with her intelligence, her beauty, her passion and enthusiasm for life. To have her in my days and us sharing and creating memories together, having fun, laughing, being silly and giggling over nothing. I have also done this so that I can put more energy into building my business helping others to rediscover and reignite their passion and find their purpose in life. Because that's where my passion now lies.

Once upon a time, my identity was tied up in my job and what I did. Now my identity is tied up in who I am and who I am becoming and who else I can help shine. The message I wanted to send with this post is, if something isn't working for you, don't be afraid to change it and to keep changing it until you get it right. Until you know in your heart that it's right for you and those closest to you. Sometimes life keeps presenting us with the same lessons and it can take a few attempts to get the message that is being sent to us.

At the end of the day, we only get one shot at this thing called life and we may as well enjoy it and make the most of it while we're here!