The Work From Home Juggle

The end of May marked the end of 12 months maternity leave. It also marked me committing to working from home permanently. I left the tenures of my "permanent" employment status and my payroll details now have casual lodged beside them.

In some ways this was very freeing and in others very freaking scary. For the first time in a very long time, I have backed myself knowing that I am good enough at what I do to be able to support working solely from home ..... on one of my passions.

For those of you who have been following and reading my story for a while now, you'll be aware that I have a few things I am passionate about in this life. Committing to casual home user in my travel agent role has allowed for a lot more freedom and flexibility in other areas, allowing space and time to pursue those passions.

It also means that I am well aware of the struggle of the juggle that happens each day. Being at home in my environment is warm, cosy and comfortable, not to mention full of distractions. I can go to the fridge whenever I choose, make a coffee, switch on trashy tv or put on an audio book at my leisure. The world is totally my oyster!

It also means that I am well aware of when the house is dirty, the washing is piling up and dinner needs to be prepared. I have an almost-walking just shy of one-year old heartbreaker who is still very much dependent on me for all his needs and a Little Miss Prep who needs to be ferried here and ferried there. Plus I have my other desires pulling at my heart strings for me to pay more attention to them. My hands are always full, quite often overflowing!

So how do I do it I hear you ask? Most of the time.... not so well. Some days it works and some days it doesn't. Some days I can plough through my to do list and have my tasks completed by lunch time. Other days I barely get to touch the list. And I'm getting cool with accepting that.

What have I learned?
Flexibility is the key - nothing ever goes to plan. One email can change my whole day. I do what I can when I can.

Doing what I can when I can - I make the most of moments as they appear. If bub is sleeping, I am in work mode. If bub is awake, I am in Mum-mode including him in what I am doing.

Being kind to myself - the thing with working at home on your own is that there's a lack of cheer squad there to give you a pat on the back or a pick me up on the days you need it. If you can get it done that day, great. If not, it can wait, The world isn't going to end if it's not completed today.

Being in the moment - wherever I am in my day and whatever I am doing, I am wholeheartedly making an effort to be "ALL" there. My attention totally focussed on that task at that moment. Yesterday has been and tomorrow will come. Here and now is what matters most!

Each day is an opportunity to begin again - just because I tried something yesterday and it didn't work doesn't mean I can't try again today or attempt to adapt my strategy. It's important to change things up to avoid falling in a rut, Fresh air and sunshine cure EVERYTHING!

If one way doesn't work, try another -  a favourite quote of mine is "5 +4 =9. So does 6 +3." Different methods, same results.  There's always another option, an alternative, a different choice. Embrace flexibility!

So there you have it, from one mother to another. Do you work from home? How do you manage the struggle with the juggle?

Because Parenting Isn't Always Peachy

If you've been following my blog for awhile, it's no secret that I suffered Post Natal Depression after the birth of my first born. I suffered in silence and guilt for a long time, not wanting to confide in anyone and feeling ashamed for the feelings I was having towards motherhood.

If you want to read about the ins and outs of my motherhood journey, head over here for a squiz.

About 18 months ago I was lucky enough to find a wonderful organisation called Peach Tree Perinatal Wellness who are dedicated to helping parents who have or at risk of developing a mental illness during the perinatal period. As soon as I read their website, I fell in love with what they do and how they are doing it. Mainly because it's so aligned with my own personal values and big, hairy, scary vision of developing a Parenting and Perinatal Wellness Centre for the Capricorn Coast.

But that's not what I am writing about today!

This weekend I am heading to the magnificent Sunshine Coast to take part in the Peach Tree Coastal Trek - a 22km trek to help raise awareness of perinatal wellness and the work that Peach Tree is doing. If you would like to support me, please head to my supporter page to donate.

This is the major fundraising event for the year. Being a not-for-profit organisation they don't receive any funding from the government, so rely solely on fundraising and winning grants for projects. It helps to keep Peachy Parents Groups running each week. We are seeing success with the group I was involved in starting in Yeppoon earlier in the year and it would be wonderful to be able to spread this even further.

Little Mr and I have clocked up many km's over the past few months getting ready for Saturday. Any support you can give will go to a great cause. Parenting isn't always peachy and it's a relief to know that there's support out there if and when you need it.

Head on over to https://peachtreetrek2015.everydayhero.com/au/shanelle to make a donation.

Searching for Answers & Seeking Clarity

Riddle me this and riddle me that (sorry there are no black cats about today!) ..... why is it frowned upon to talk about how we are really feeling? Why is mental health a touchy and almost taboo subject? Why do we feel the need to push our feelings down, like they don't matter?

I'm really curious to know the answers or to at least open up a discussion around these questions. Let's take this question by question, throw in some dialogue, perhaps provoke some deeper level thinking and discussion.

Why is it frowned upon to talk about how we are really feeling?
We learn from a young age to answer the question of "How are you?" with the obligatory "Ok". Even when we don't feel that way (how does ok feel anyhow?).

It's like we don't allow ourselves to really express our true feelings. And so begins the societal habit of masking. The thinking that we don't matter and our feelings aren't important. I'm aware that there are people who do offer up how they're feeling and are often seen to be complaining. That's a whole other kettle of fish.

What if we could live in a world where we're able to communicate openly how we feel, knowing that our feelings are our own, and we're totally responsible for them? That if someone offers to tell us how they're feeling, we don't need to fix them. They are whole and complete, doing the best they can. And to thank them for sharing their genuine feelings with us. For this to be the norm.

I don't know, it's just a thought. Perhaps it would reduce the amount of stress and anxiety experienced in our worlds. Or not.


Why is mental health a touchy and almost taboo subject?
So this one is a big 'un for me. I didn't even realise until my mid to late 20's that I had control over what went on in my mind let alone really understand the term of mental health.

My question is this, why is taking care of our mental health not something that is taught freely in our education systems or even in our homes? Looking after ourselves mentally is just as important as our physical and emotional well-being. Mental health doesn't get enough air time. Or if it does, it's the extremities.

My school of thought is if we're able to talk openly about how we feel (refer to the first question) that this would reduce stress and anxiety levels, that on the whole we'd feel more accepted and part of the tribe and many people would be a lot happier.

There's so much more to mental health than meets the eye.


Why do we feel the need to push our feelings down, like they don't matter?
We have feelings for a reason. We're human. We see, we touch, we listen, we speak and we feel. Our feelings are our feelings. They are real and genuine and they are ours. There's no right nor wrong way to feel something.

Feelings are our body's way of communicating with us. I'm someone who feels a LOT. That's why I fell in love with Danielle La Porte when I discovered her a few years ago. She asks the question "how do you want to feel?". Realising I had a choice in how I wanted to feel, was like opening a whole new world.

Feelings matter. A lot. They are the guiding light in our lives.  We as humans matter.

Maybe one day we'll be better equipped to have deeper, more meaningful conversations with each other. To be able to speak our truth in a way that is seen as normal. To open the doors of open communication. To remove judgement, fear and doubt.

Until then, we're all a work in progress. Perhaps we can start to generate a movement whereby when someone says "I'm okay", we don't just brush the comment and move onto the next topic of conversation. Maybe we look them in the eye and ask "How are you really?" Who knows what may come from that?

Having Cake & Being Able to Eat It Too!

For a long time I've felt pulled in two different directions, a constant internal tug-o-war. One direction is a love of helping people organise their holidays to create beautiful memories for themselves and their families. The other, a love and passion for helping people understand life and the meaning they've chosen to give it, being able to overcome fears and limiting beliefs to create a way forward.

Both directions are full of passion. Both directions light me up. I thought I had to choose one or the other. I beat myself up about this for the longest time.

So I told everyone that I didn't like my job (Reality is that I love my job, didn't necessarily love the environment I was working in). Over time I've tweaked my life to be working in my job less and more in my coaching environment. Except when in my coaching environment, I have been very afraid of many things. So much time wasted getting caught up in small, insignificant details that don't even matter right now.

For quite awhile I thought I had to choose one over the other. You see, the end of my maternity leave was edging closer and I knew a decision needed to be made - return to work or go full throttle into coaching. Having to choose one option threw me into complete chaos. The very thought of returning to work full time, 5 days a week in a busy office environment made my heart die a little bit (okay maybe a lot).

The thought of working from home, creating a business and working in that business for me made my heart sing, yet fear was hanging out there too. Was I good enough? Could I do this? Would people want to come and see me as a coach? Do I have a message that other people want to hear? How would I cope working from home and having a baby here too? Blah blah blah blah blah.

Then I had a thought - what if I could do both and on my terms? After a conversation with my manager of my "job", I discovered that I could work solely from home. I could still book holidays for my very loyal repeat clients, earn an income and the best news was that I could do it in my own time. I didn't have to clock on or off each day. Hell, I could sit in my pj's with bed hair working if I wanted to.

Suddenly my heart was singing, my soul felt at ease and I realised I could have my cake and eat it too!

The doors I once thought would close if I chose one over the other have been flung widely open simultaneously. I am loving the new-found variety and flexibility of having choices in my days. I love the fact that if someone calls and asks me out for coffee, chances are I can say "yes".

I am feeling wonderful. I feel alive. Switched on. Plugged in. Vibrant. Ready. It's like someone has flicked a switch and everywhere I look I now see possibility. My creative juices are flowing again (and yes I can even fit in some blogging time too!).

Lessons learned:

• Fully check out your options
• Be open to possibility
• Tune into how you really feel about your situation
• Find something that lights you ups
• Variety really is the spice of life!

To celebrate my newfound awareness, I am offering "pay what you can" coaching sessions for the rest of the month. If you are ready to move forward or are just looking for some direction, send me an email with your availability . It's time for you to have your cake and eat it too!

Dear Yeppoon

Friday 27th February

Dear Yeppoon

When we drove out in the early hours of the morning of the 15th  of February in a guise of darkness, we had no idea how different you would be and how much devastation would be reaped upon you during our absence. We were off on a long-awaited for family holiday.

Hearing the news of a cyclone forming off the coast while we were away, we thought it would go around you. They always do. They peter out into nothing. Lots of hype and usually a no-show. Maybe some soggy feet with the rains that normally come when cyclone season is at its peak. We thought you would be safe. You always have been before.

Yet this time was different. Marcia you were a bitch. You came and you wreaked havoc on our beautiful, coastal town. The very town I grew up in and the town where I now raise my own family. The town which is home to many friends and family and a wonderful community. Our piece of paradise.

You destroyed family homes, tore down trees, flung branches and debris far and wide. The wrath of your destruction had to be seen to be believed.

Watching this drama unfold on national tv, waking to see a countdown until the bitch hit was all so surreal. Seeing reporters standing in our familiar streets while the weather ravaged on in the background, was like watching a scene from a movie. 

Seeing the updates on social media, seeing the pictures of people's experiences, hearing the reports, it all felt like an experience in the twilight zone. Hearing stories of survival and homes without power for days on end, it seemed like the end of the world.

We received word that our house was safe. Thankfully we live in a beautiful neighbourhood where our neighbours banded together to batten down our loose items for us or I may have a different story to tell. We were one of the lucky ones.

Families have lost their homes, their possessions, their cars, their incomes. Watching from afar as the community banded together to help each other out in this time of need made me proud to call this place home. The sense of community experienced as residents banded together offering their homes and electricity to those in need was truly heartwarming. The plot in the movie was getting better.

As we returned home yesterday afternoon, not really knowing what to expect when we got here, except that we were still powerless, brought anxiety to my trip. Not knowing what I would see or how far the devastation would spread, had me on edge.

Driving back on the highway from Rockhampton, the devastation was immediately evident. Vegetation and trees torn away, pushed over like skittles. Branches broken like small twigs being snapped in the hands of a young child.

The closer we got to the beach, the more we saw. Tears started to well in my eyes. Hopelessness swept across me. Gratitude quickly replaced these. Gratitude that the impact is superficial. Homes can be replaced. Possessions can be regained. Lives cannot be returned. Gratitude that so many who had come so close to losing it all came through with minor cosmetic damages.

While the images of Marcia and her devastation will disappear from the tv screens, it's a memory that will be etched in the minds of many families throughout the Capricorn Coast. Recovery from this disaster will take many months. But you Yeppoon, you are strong. You will rebuild. You will recover, You will recuperate. You will be restored.  You will be stronger and more beautiful than ever. And in the meantime, it's business as usual.

If you want to help out our community or you're looking for a great place to have a break #visitcapricorn or http://www.capricornenterprise.com.au/2015/03/call-for-hashtag-help-from-locals/

A New Year's Revelation

Unless you've been hiding under a rock in the middle of nowhere with no access to the outside world, you would have realised that we've opened the front cover of another brand new year. For some reason this sends so many people into a tail spin of short-lived resolutions , a mindset that they need to change who they are and that the year that has just passed us was "bad" for so many reasons.

A lesson I've learned along my way is that 365 days is a long time to wait before you change anything. Change is possible at any given moment; at any time you choose. You do not have to make radical changes to get maximum benefit in your life. Small ones accompanied by daily deliberate action are enough to get you to where you want to be. Of course if you want to get there quickly, then more daily deliberate action is required.

With all the hype that comes along with the festive season and the impending New Year that follows, it often leaves me drained. I feel a societal push that I must set resolutions to be a better person. Really? Can't I just make a conscious choice throughout the year to make the changes and adjustments to my life as I see fit and where they're required? Well yes I can and I have and I do. But this is not the norm.

Goals are often set then we wait, wish and hope for them to magically appear before our very eyes. Just because you've set a goal doesn't give you any right to have it. You see, the thing with goals is that they are to be earned, achieved, strived for. They're not wishes to be granted.

Even more people set resolutions and then fail to put any action into place that will see them achieving what they desire. Is it any wonder that resolutions and goals don't work?

The other thing that irks me at this time of year is the underlying message that we're not quite enough. That the person we are right now is somehow inadequate.. That the achievements of the past 365 days didn't fill the quota of expectation.  That because we didn't tick off every single goal we set for ourselves, we are a failure.Just because your dream car isn't parked in your garage yet doesn't mean you weren't successful.

We focus so much on what didn't happen rather than what did. Most people don't know how to look at who they are at the end of the year compared with who they were when they started the year and to notice the growth, the challenges that presented some really great lessons and quite often unexpected gifts. Celebrate the small stuff.  Celebrate often. Look for the good - you'll find it.

My message for you is this:

 "You are enough. You have enough.

 You can change at any moment you choose, don't be guided by the calendar on this. 

Last year has been and gone - celebrate the good times, the lessons, the gifts, the laughs. 

Acknowledge the times you would rather forget.

Notice the lessons that were hidden in these experiences. 

Look up and ahead to the path that now lays before you. 

Each morning you open your eyes is a gift. Appreciate this.

 Do what you can in that day to squeeze the most out of it. 

Go to bed at night knowing that you have fully lived your life that day. 

Wake up tomorrow and repeat". 

Being PND Aware

Dear Fellow Mums

You may or may not be aware that this week is Post Natal Depression Awareness Week. You may have just cringed as you read that, and that's ok. This post is not for everyone.

Right now you may feel like you're sitting on the bones of your backside in the deepest darkest blackest place you've ever known,  or you are reduced to tears for no good reason, you may feel or you are constantly feeling guilty, worthless and incapable of going on, you may feel at a loss of what to do, who to turn to. I know these feelings well, because I have been there - in the cupboard, shrouded in darkness, sad, lonely and lost. Feeling like I was the only one. But I wasn't.

As a Mum who has travelled the rocky and bumpy path of PND and come through the other side, I feel it's my duty of care to reach out and help those who may be struggling with being a new Mum or just being a Mum in general.

If you are feeling in any way depressed, overwhelmed or simply not coping with motherhood, please reach out for help. (At the end of the post I will share with you some fantastic organisations that exist that can help you).

Reaching out and asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Your family relies on you more than you will ever know. If you are not functioning well, neither does your family. Mothers are the glue that hold families together.

Talking about how you are feeling is so important. Getting out of your head and putting your feelings into words can help so much.

Please know that no matter how dark and heavy you may feel, it can get better and it will get better. You must be the person to make this decision. If you can't make the decision for you, make it for your family, for your children, for their future. As my GP told me "a happy, healthy Mum makes a happy, healthy family".

Your mental health and wellbeing is just as important as your physical health. If you are physically unwell, chances are you would do something about it. Why should your mental health be any different?

It's okay to feel afraid, scared and frightened of what may lay before you. Reach out. Talk to someone you trust (a friend, your GP, a counsellor, Life Coach).

What's not okay is to try to battle through alone, hoping these feelings will just go away, because they don't and they won't. So as I promised earlier, here are the names and links to some wonderful organisations doing fabulous work with PND & Perintal Mental Health ( Peach Tree Perinatal Wellness, PANDA, Smiling Mind, COPE, Beyond Blue, Lifeline) Connect with them, utilise their resources.

From one Mother to another, I send you love, strength and courage. I send you peace for your heart. I send you hope for a brighter tomorrow. I send you light for the long dark tunnel.

Love always

Shanelle

Feeling Like a Square Peg in a Round Hole

It's been funny week. Funny in the sense of strange not the ha ha type. Actually, if  I am honest, this feeling has been hanging around for a while. There's a part of my identity that is still adjusting to life as a mother of two. And it's more than that. Once again, I am struggling to find my place in the world and that's where the feeling of uneasiness stems from.

I've come to the conclusion that in life you never really have it altogether. There's always something out of whack or slightly amiss. For me at the  moment, it's my connection to the outside world. I'm well aware that my identity changed when I became a mum for the first time. What I wasn't expecting that it would happen again. Although as I am writing this, it's all beginning to make sense and things are becoming clearer (the power of writing your thoughts down!).

You see the dynamics have changed yet again. We've gone from a family of 3 to a family of 4. I now have 2 gorgeous children dependent on me to love, nurture, educate, co-ordinate schedules, feed, clothe and shelter. Little Miss 5 has gone from being an only child, having both parents all to herself to now having to share us and quite often having to wait when she's seeking our attention.

Perhaps you're reading this and thinking "well what did you think was going to happen when you added another child to the family?". To be perfectly honest, I didn't put too much thought into it. I just thought that Little Mister would fit in and go with the flow. And for the most part, he does such a beautiful job of that. Half the time you wouldn't even know he was here.

Where I could have invested some time and thought was into how I would feel and cope as a parent of two children after being a parent to one child for almost 5 years. How would I cope with the feelings of guilt when the older child needs me, yet the younger one is attached to me for what seems like the umpteenth time that day? How would I feel having even less time for myself than I did before, yet my mind is constantly ticking away with thoughts and random ideas of things to write about, things to share with the world and things I can create to help other parents? How would my relationship with my significant other be impacted by having an extra family member, hence extra responsibility resulting in even less quality time together? The questions could continue, but I shall stop with these few.

Even if my time had been invested in pondering the answers to the questions, I don't think it would have eased the situation any. What has helped me this far has been my mindset and approach to what's been going on. Learning to be in flow, taking life moment by moment, recognising that "this too shall pass", seeking out advice from other parents who have more than one child have all helped.

Where the isolation has set in recently, is when I am with a group of mums and the conversation seems to constantly revolves around the latest achievements of our gorgeous cherubs. While it's great to be able to compare notes and seek advice for the challenges that crop up along the way, I quite often walk away feeling flat and depleted. (Part of this is an added bonus of being an introvert where being in large groups drains me of my energy and I need alone time to regroup and recharge).

Perhaps it's selfish to want a little something for me - a stimulating conversation, a discussion, posing questions and sifting through the possible answers, to talk about something more meaningful, that lights me up and ignites a fire in my belly. After all, the majority of the rest of my time is taken up focused on the little people in my life. Is it wrong to want a little something for me? Perhaps I am the misfit - the square peg so desperately wanting to drive itself into a round hole, to fit in and be accepted (yet I know it's okay to not be a cookie cutter version of me). Surely I am not on my own here though am I?

The Gift of Surprise

If you're friends with me on Facebook, you may have seen my post the other day about Miss 5 and the library. If you're not, here's a quick rundown.

Last week Little Mister and I were headed to the library for Baby Time. Coincidentally Miss 5's library books were due back and I told her that we would drop them back for her. She was disappointed that she had to go to kindy and couldn't come and pick new books for herself.

I asked her if I could surprise her by picking some books out for her to have when she got come from kindy. After a little convincing, she finally agreed that this would be good.

When she got home, she took her library bag off the bench and peeked inside it. Suddenly there were
 gasps and ohh's and ahh's and squeals of excitement as she pulled out each item to see what we'd picked out for her. The look of delight on her face was priceless. Never have I seen a reaction like this from her.It was so much better than any birthday or Christmas gift she'd ever received.

She excitedly returned my "surprise" the following day when she surprised me with taking the rubbish out. Bless her! Some days it really is the small things.

It got me thinking about how we often go out and spend money and often agonise over selecting a gift for someone when the most meaningful gifts I've given have been ones that haven't cost me money, but a small portion of someone's time.

With Christmas just around the corner I've got my thinking cap on this year as to how I can do things differently and give gifts of time to my loved ones. Over the years I've grown to hate the consumerism fest Christmas has come to be - the obligatory gift buying, not knowing what to get certain people, the crowds you have to battle to pick out your gifts; there's so much stress and pressure. And while I love to receive gifts, there's nothing worse than receiving something that you won't use.

So stay tuned, once I have gotten my ideas together of what I will do, I will post them. Perhaps you may want to join the "Doing Christmas Differently Bandwagon" this year or maybe you already do and I am slow to catch on! If you have any ideas or suggestions for me; please post them in the comments, I would love to hear them!

A Promise to Myself

I'm well aware that it's been quite some time since I posted, considering I found a post I'd started to write talking about how Little Mister is now 3 months old. Well today Little Mister turns 4 months old. Boy has the time flown! I'm a little guilty of letting other priorities take over and have missed the moments spent tapping away at the computer allowing my musings to take form. Anyhow, that's not what I intended to write about today.


What I wanted to share with you was a promise that I made to myself yesterday. For much of my life I've been an incredibly emotional person. I feel things deeply. I cry easily (read very easily, at the drop of a hat kind of easy!) and it's not because I'm sad or mad or angry or frustrated. I cry because sometimes I am incredibly overwhelmed that I cannot find the words to express the intense emotion that I am feeling and it's then those tears escape the levy.

I used to think that crying was weak and because I was crying so often I must be sad. Yet, I've come to realise that a good cry is an incredible way to release and flush out pent up emotion. Life seems so much clearer after a good release! The discovery I made yesterday was that I also get teary when talking about my passions.

You see, I'd gone into our local community centre to enquire about hiring a venue for a new parenting group for parents dealing with post natal depression. While sharing a little of my story with the office lady, the tears started to roll and flow out of the corner of my eyes. I wasn't sad. I was overwhelmed that I had come full circle in my own personal journey that I am now in a position to support others who may be finding it difficult to adjust.

As the tears slid down my face I apologised to her  and said I was having an emotional day (she probably thought I was crazy and that's okay if she did, that's her beef, not mine!). We chatted for quite some time and she revealed to me that she'd suffered PND with each of her 3 children. Side note here for a second - I find it incredible how many people have actually suffered from this and how many have suffered in silence. All the more reason for me to do what I can to support others.

Replaying this scene as I drifted off for my afternoon nap, I had a powerful realisation. I am human. I am emotional. I am here to love. I am here to give. Feeling for me is a way of life. No longer will I apologise for my tears for they are a genuine part of who I am. They are part of my humanness, my softer side. My heart may be more exposed to the world than others, as it seems to be overflowing with love and passion for so many people and causes, yet I am okay with that. For now, I am doing what I can to make a difference to causes I am passionate about. And the promise I made to myself was to allow my emotions to be seen and to stop apologising for who I am and what I feel.

How about you? What gets you emotional? What are you passionate about? I'd love to hear!

Lets Start An Emotional Revolution!

Managing our mental state is something we do on a daily basis and usually more than once a day. I can't recall using Pythagoras theorem since I left the school yard.

Why then does our education system place so much importance on theories that we may never use and yet fail to teach one of the most important life skills required in all our daily interactions and relationships?

Is it any wonder there are generations out there who are unable to communicate their true and genuine feelings when they've never been equipped with the tools?

Feelings and emotions are very real, they are definitely not airy fairy. Embrace them for what they are, listen for the message they have for you and if you are not feeling the way you want to feel, seek out support. One conversation has the ability to completely shift your focus.

We can't rely on our education system to emotionally educate our children. We as parents must take responsibility for that. In order to do that, we must be aware of our own feelings and emotions. Bring awareness to your feelings, just take a moment right now to check in with how you're feeling. Learn to do this regularly. The emotional revolution starts here and now!