Being PND Aware

Dear Fellow Mums

You may or may not be aware that this week is Post Natal Depression Awareness Week. You may have just cringed as you read that, and that's ok. This post is not for everyone.

Right now you may feel like you're sitting on the bones of your backside in the deepest darkest blackest place you've ever known,  or you are reduced to tears for no good reason, you may feel or you are constantly feeling guilty, worthless and incapable of going on, you may feel at a loss of what to do, who to turn to. I know these feelings well, because I have been there - in the cupboard, shrouded in darkness, sad, lonely and lost. Feeling like I was the only one. But I wasn't.

As a Mum who has travelled the rocky and bumpy path of PND and come through the other side, I feel it's my duty of care to reach out and help those who may be struggling with being a new Mum or just being a Mum in general.

If you are feeling in any way depressed, overwhelmed or simply not coping with motherhood, please reach out for help. (At the end of the post I will share with you some fantastic organisations that exist that can help you).

Reaching out and asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Your family relies on you more than you will ever know. If you are not functioning well, neither does your family. Mothers are the glue that hold families together.

Talking about how you are feeling is so important. Getting out of your head and putting your feelings into words can help so much.

Please know that no matter how dark and heavy you may feel, it can get better and it will get better. You must be the person to make this decision. If you can't make the decision for you, make it for your family, for your children, for their future. As my GP told me "a happy, healthy Mum makes a happy, healthy family".

Your mental health and wellbeing is just as important as your physical health. If you are physically unwell, chances are you would do something about it. Why should your mental health be any different?

It's okay to feel afraid, scared and frightened of what may lay before you. Reach out. Talk to someone you trust (a friend, your GP, a counsellor, Life Coach).

What's not okay is to try to battle through alone, hoping these feelings will just go away, because they don't and they won't. So as I promised earlier, here are the names and links to some wonderful organisations doing fabulous work with PND & Perintal Mental Health ( Peach Tree Perinatal Wellness, PANDA, Smiling Mind, COPE, Beyond Blue, Lifeline) Connect with them, utilise their resources.

From one Mother to another, I send you love, strength and courage. I send you peace for your heart. I send you hope for a brighter tomorrow. I send you light for the long dark tunnel.

Love always

Shanelle

Feeling Like a Square Peg in a Round Hole

It's been funny week. Funny in the sense of strange not the ha ha type. Actually, if  I am honest, this feeling has been hanging around for a while. There's a part of my identity that is still adjusting to life as a mother of two. And it's more than that. Once again, I am struggling to find my place in the world and that's where the feeling of uneasiness stems from.

I've come to the conclusion that in life you never really have it altogether. There's always something out of whack or slightly amiss. For me at the  moment, it's my connection to the outside world. I'm well aware that my identity changed when I became a mum for the first time. What I wasn't expecting that it would happen again. Although as I am writing this, it's all beginning to make sense and things are becoming clearer (the power of writing your thoughts down!).

You see the dynamics have changed yet again. We've gone from a family of 3 to a family of 4. I now have 2 gorgeous children dependent on me to love, nurture, educate, co-ordinate schedules, feed, clothe and shelter. Little Miss 5 has gone from being an only child, having both parents all to herself to now having to share us and quite often having to wait when she's seeking our attention.

Perhaps you're reading this and thinking "well what did you think was going to happen when you added another child to the family?". To be perfectly honest, I didn't put too much thought into it. I just thought that Little Mister would fit in and go with the flow. And for the most part, he does such a beautiful job of that. Half the time you wouldn't even know he was here.

Where I could have invested some time and thought was into how I would feel and cope as a parent of two children after being a parent to one child for almost 5 years. How would I cope with the feelings of guilt when the older child needs me, yet the younger one is attached to me for what seems like the umpteenth time that day? How would I feel having even less time for myself than I did before, yet my mind is constantly ticking away with thoughts and random ideas of things to write about, things to share with the world and things I can create to help other parents? How would my relationship with my significant other be impacted by having an extra family member, hence extra responsibility resulting in even less quality time together? The questions could continue, but I shall stop with these few.

Even if my time had been invested in pondering the answers to the questions, I don't think it would have eased the situation any. What has helped me this far has been my mindset and approach to what's been going on. Learning to be in flow, taking life moment by moment, recognising that "this too shall pass", seeking out advice from other parents who have more than one child have all helped.

Where the isolation has set in recently, is when I am with a group of mums and the conversation seems to constantly revolves around the latest achievements of our gorgeous cherubs. While it's great to be able to compare notes and seek advice for the challenges that crop up along the way, I quite often walk away feeling flat and depleted. (Part of this is an added bonus of being an introvert where being in large groups drains me of my energy and I need alone time to regroup and recharge).

Perhaps it's selfish to want a little something for me - a stimulating conversation, a discussion, posing questions and sifting through the possible answers, to talk about something more meaningful, that lights me up and ignites a fire in my belly. After all, the majority of the rest of my time is taken up focused on the little people in my life. Is it wrong to want a little something for me? Perhaps I am the misfit - the square peg so desperately wanting to drive itself into a round hole, to fit in and be accepted (yet I know it's okay to not be a cookie cutter version of me). Surely I am not on my own here though am I?

The Gift of Surprise

If you're friends with me on Facebook, you may have seen my post the other day about Miss 5 and the library. If you're not, here's a quick rundown.

Last week Little Mister and I were headed to the library for Baby Time. Coincidentally Miss 5's library books were due back and I told her that we would drop them back for her. She was disappointed that she had to go to kindy and couldn't come and pick new books for herself.

I asked her if I could surprise her by picking some books out for her to have when she got come from kindy. After a little convincing, she finally agreed that this would be good.

When she got home, she took her library bag off the bench and peeked inside it. Suddenly there were
 gasps and ohh's and ahh's and squeals of excitement as she pulled out each item to see what we'd picked out for her. The look of delight on her face was priceless. Never have I seen a reaction like this from her.It was so much better than any birthday or Christmas gift she'd ever received.

She excitedly returned my "surprise" the following day when she surprised me with taking the rubbish out. Bless her! Some days it really is the small things.

It got me thinking about how we often go out and spend money and often agonise over selecting a gift for someone when the most meaningful gifts I've given have been ones that haven't cost me money, but a small portion of someone's time.

With Christmas just around the corner I've got my thinking cap on this year as to how I can do things differently and give gifts of time to my loved ones. Over the years I've grown to hate the consumerism fest Christmas has come to be - the obligatory gift buying, not knowing what to get certain people, the crowds you have to battle to pick out your gifts; there's so much stress and pressure. And while I love to receive gifts, there's nothing worse than receiving something that you won't use.

So stay tuned, once I have gotten my ideas together of what I will do, I will post them. Perhaps you may want to join the "Doing Christmas Differently Bandwagon" this year or maybe you already do and I am slow to catch on! If you have any ideas or suggestions for me; please post them in the comments, I would love to hear them!

A Promise to Myself

I'm well aware that it's been quite some time since I posted, considering I found a post I'd started to write talking about how Little Mister is now 3 months old. Well today Little Mister turns 4 months old. Boy has the time flown! I'm a little guilty of letting other priorities take over and have missed the moments spent tapping away at the computer allowing my musings to take form. Anyhow, that's not what I intended to write about today.


What I wanted to share with you was a promise that I made to myself yesterday. For much of my life I've been an incredibly emotional person. I feel things deeply. I cry easily (read very easily, at the drop of a hat kind of easy!) and it's not because I'm sad or mad or angry or frustrated. I cry because sometimes I am incredibly overwhelmed that I cannot find the words to express the intense emotion that I am feeling and it's then those tears escape the levy.

I used to think that crying was weak and because I was crying so often I must be sad. Yet, I've come to realise that a good cry is an incredible way to release and flush out pent up emotion. Life seems so much clearer after a good release! The discovery I made yesterday was that I also get teary when talking about my passions.

You see, I'd gone into our local community centre to enquire about hiring a venue for a new parenting group for parents dealing with post natal depression. While sharing a little of my story with the office lady, the tears started to roll and flow out of the corner of my eyes. I wasn't sad. I was overwhelmed that I had come full circle in my own personal journey that I am now in a position to support others who may be finding it difficult to adjust.

As the tears slid down my face I apologised to her  and said I was having an emotional day (she probably thought I was crazy and that's okay if she did, that's her beef, not mine!). We chatted for quite some time and she revealed to me that she'd suffered PND with each of her 3 children. Side note here for a second - I find it incredible how many people have actually suffered from this and how many have suffered in silence. All the more reason for me to do what I can to support others.

Replaying this scene as I drifted off for my afternoon nap, I had a powerful realisation. I am human. I am emotional. I am here to love. I am here to give. Feeling for me is a way of life. No longer will I apologise for my tears for they are a genuine part of who I am. They are part of my humanness, my softer side. My heart may be more exposed to the world than others, as it seems to be overflowing with love and passion for so many people and causes, yet I am okay with that. For now, I am doing what I can to make a difference to causes I am passionate about. And the promise I made to myself was to allow my emotions to be seen and to stop apologising for who I am and what I feel.

How about you? What gets you emotional? What are you passionate about? I'd love to hear!

Lets Start An Emotional Revolution!

Managing our mental state is something we do on a daily basis and usually more than once a day. I can't recall using Pythagoras theorem since I left the school yard.

Why then does our education system place so much importance on theories that we may never use and yet fail to teach one of the most important life skills required in all our daily interactions and relationships?

Is it any wonder there are generations out there who are unable to communicate their true and genuine feelings when they've never been equipped with the tools?

Feelings and emotions are very real, they are definitely not airy fairy. Embrace them for what they are, listen for the message they have for you and if you are not feeling the way you want to feel, seek out support. One conversation has the ability to completely shift your focus.

We can't rely on our education system to emotionally educate our children. We as parents must take responsibility for that. In order to do that, we must be aware of our own feelings and emotions. Bring awareness to your feelings, just take a moment right now to check in with how you're feeling. Learn to do this regularly. The emotional revolution starts here and now!

The Angry Mum

Since the arrival of Baby Number 2, the dynamics of my relationship with Little Miss 5 have changed dramatically. We are constantly at loggerheads with each other and most days it feels like she's the parent, not me. Often I find myself angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, frazzled and by the end of the day, my tank is completely depleted.

I'd say my style of parenting is fairly relaxed. I like to give her options to make her own choices and decisions. However, recently she has been quite defiant and doing her own thing, back chatting everything and not necessarily making good choices!

The other morning she chose her outfit, as she's done for a couple of years now. She came into my bathroom to see me in a denim jumpsuit that was obviously a couple of sizes too small. Just picture camel toe  and the world's worst-looking wedgy. I asked her to change into something else and said that that one belonged in the "too small pile". She said she wanted to wear it and that was that. So she did.

The next morning, she was up at the kitchen bench making her lunch for Kindy as she quite often does. She knocked her water bottle off the counter and it split when it hit the tiled. I floor. Well the waterworks well and truly flowed then. She sobbed uncontrollably about her most precious water bottle in the whole wide world and how she wanted to keep it just to look at it. Patience was not on my side as I told her it was an accident and promptly threw the broken bottle in the bin.

I was surprised later on in the day to receive an email from one of her teachers saying that Little Miss 5 had told them about the fight she'd had with Mum that morning. It was interesting to have the story relayed back to me. I realised then that to me it was just a water bottle, but to her it was one of her most worldly possessions.

Reading the email I also realised that anger had been building up inside of me. It wasn't about the water bottle. It was about the fact that I didn't feel in control as a parent. My little girl is growing up and wanting to do things to help Mum out and she's doing some pretty naughty things to get my attention as well. The tears started flowing. I felt helpless and didn't have the answers or the resources to solve this problem.

I've written before about the mayhem our evenings bring - the frustration, the tears and the tantrums, the-trying-to-get-her-into-bed-at-a-decent-time-and-failing-miserably. The water bottle incident was like the straw the broke the camel's back this week. There's nothing worse than conscious incompetence - where you know you suck at something!

As sad as I felt about my conscious incompetence, I knew I needed to seek help. A visit to the child health nurse to have Little Mister weighed and measured, eventuated into a meltdown over Little Miss 5. At the time I felt embarrassed, yet grateful there was someone in the community I could talk to. I needed some "how to's" to regain some control and direction for Little Miss 5.

And that's what I walked away with. A new strategy for getting through the nights when we're home alone. A strategy to give her some much-needed attention and Mum-time. A sense of peace knowing that this too will pass, that things will get better and easier and more cohesive, these things just take time and patience. A glimmer of hope that there's another way. That we're all out there doing the best we can with what we have. That asking for help is easier than I thought it was. That there is always someone out there who has trodden the path before who can offer tips, tricks, advice and strategies; for this I am grateful. xxx

If you find yourself feeling out of control, know who you can turn to and that there is a wealth of resources and help available. Parenting & motherhood is a learned thing. Your relationship with your child/children will benefit from you seeking out the answers :) 

Entering the World of Baby Wearing - Diary of a Second Time Mum

Until a few weeks ago, I had no idea what the term "baby wearing" meant. When a friend suggested I check it out after writing on here that Little Mister loved to be cuddled while he slept, the name conjured up all sorts of interesting images in my mind. Do you like go to the wardrobe in the morning and pick out which baby to put on for the day? Is it something conjured up by hippies? Sounds like it! (Note to self: research the origins when you have a spare moment or two!)

After discovering that baby wearing is the term given for carrying your baby/child in some form of carrier, be it structured or not, curiosity set in and I went in search online to find one. I had a carrier with Baby Number 1 and had used it a few times with Baby Number 2, but found it quite bulky and it just wasn't working for me. It was a structured one and quite a mean feat to get the baby in and out of. I absolutely couldn't get him out without waking him up!

I came across the Bubba Moe sling-type ones online and it caught my eye. I liked the look of it because it seemed to carry in the position that Little Mister loved to be held in. It was also a great price for my "babywearing" experiment. And after YouTubing the instructions, it looked pretty user friendly - something I could cope with when I am half asleep! After I won the bid, payment was made and I waited and waited and waited for it to be delivered. Three weeks later and it still hadn't arrived. So I got a refund and ordered another one.

Last week Bubba Moe sling number one finally turned up on my door step. Followed the next day by Bubba Moe sling number 2. The first couple of attempts to "wear" my baby were awkward to say the least. I am very grateful for online video tutorials on YouTube - talk about lifesaving! Anyhow, going with the theme of "if at first you don't succeed", I kept trying and found that Little Mister is now really loving it. He falls asleep in there within a few minutes of being held.

I am loving it because it frees my hands up to do other things while he's cat napping like a koala bear (is that even possible?). It's so easy to rock and jiggle him if he needs soothing or settling in this position. So I guess it's pretty safe to say that we've found ourselves a winner!

The Second Wife - Guest Post from Sonja Preston (The Parenting Cafe)

I want you to imagine for a moment… Your partner tells you that he is bringing home a new wife to live in the family home. He tells you how exciting it’s going to be, and how much he’s looking forward to her arrival. He says you’ll need to help this new wife, and to share your things – your clothes and your room with her, and that he wants you to love her too. He reminds you that you are still special, but that there will be another special one there too! How would you feel? Most of us would be in disbelief, enraged, and feeling like we weren’t loved enough, or that we weren’t special enough.
Yet, isn’t this what we often expect of child number one, when we announce that’s there’s a new baby joining the family? As adults we struggle with the whole concept of a 2^nd wife, yet we expect a 2/3/4 year old (with infinitely less mature social development) to understand, and ‘be nice’ to this new baby! It sounds unreasonable when expressed like that, doesn’t it? In some cases, the first few weeks may be a novelty for the first child, but then some reach a stage where they ask you to ‘send the baby back’!

So, what might a toddler or young child be feeling, when a new baby arrives:

• Lonely – you are busy with the baby, and the toddler is left ‘alone’ more frequently;
• Sad – that he doesn’t have your attention as much;
• Angry – that the baby takes so much of your time;
• Tired – if the baby cries a lot and disturbs his sleep;
• Unloved – he may interpret the time with baby as the baby is ‘better’ or more appealing than himself;
• Naughty – often parents expect a toddler to know that he has to be gentle with a baby, or to be quiet when baby is asleeep.

It’s quite normal for toddlers to find ways to get your attention away from the baby – they need to go to the potty when you are feeding the baby, or they play the noisy toys just as you are settling the baby down – the toddler is saying: ‘Notice me… I’m still here and I’m special too!’

So how can you help your toddler adjust?

• When the toddler comes to visit you (if you are in hospital), make the toddler the focus of attention – lots of kisses and cuddles, tell him how much you’ve missed him!
• Let the toddler ‘notice’ the new baby, rather than you make a fuss about the baby. The toddler may be more interested in you, than in the baby. Next to the baby, have a present from the baby, to the toddler – a book, a toy car, a puzzle.
• Ask relatives who visit you, to spend time with the toddler first, before focussing on the baby, and if appropriate, ask them to have a small gift for the toddler also – this reinforces that he is also special.
• Have both Mum and Dad spend time with the toddler each day, even a few minutes of playing time is beneficial. Apart from breastfeeding, Dad’s can do everything for the new baby, like Mums can – this then frees Mum up to spend some familiar play time with the toddler.
• While you are feeding the baby, read to your toddler, so he can snuggle in close too.

If he shows aggression towards the baby, use Emotion Coaching: ‘I know you are cranky because you want Mummy to play now, but that doesn’t mean you can push the baby.’ Stick to your boundaries, as that provide stability for them, even if they don’t like it at the time. The toddler may ‘regress’ a bit, in the belief that if he is babyish, that you will have more time for him too. They may want a bottle, or to talk ‘baby-talk’. Support them as they adjust to this big change in their life.

Children do eventually adjust – give them time, lots of cuddles, play-time with you, and lots of reminding of how much you love them, and how special they are.

– Image by Micah Sittig via Flickr

© Copyright 2014 - The Parenting Cafe

Sonja Preston has worked with over 500 families, assisting them with child development information, helping them manage the issues which can come up in parenting, strengthening their bonds with their children and all in a relaxed, fun environment. The information she shares is research based, so you know you are getting the best.

She has a strengths based approach, believing that parents are the best teachers for their children, and that her role is to support them with additional information, and lots of acknowledgement and praise for the great job which parents do. 

The Parenting Cafe offers free weekly articles, webinars and personal visits - focussed on child development information, tips for managing the issues which arise in parenting, and how to have fun and connection with your child. 

For more details see www.theparentingcafe.com.au

Sonja makes parenting easier and fun!

The Unwelcome Visitor - Diary of a Second Time Mum

Laying in bed last night after a hectic four or five days, I noticed a familiar tightness in my chest and then noticed my breathing was short, almost gasping. My body was tense and my muscles tight. It took me back to my "first time mother"days. As I lay there in this state, I realised that anxiety had begun to creep back into my life.

Over the past few days, I'd put a lot of pressure on myself to single-handedly  pull off a 5th Birthday Party for Little Miss Now 5 with all sorts of spanners thrown in my direction. Even though the party was a success, there were many obstacles that came up along the way. Starting with my partner having to work, my mum falling sick and not being able to make it on the day to help out, people turning up who hadn't rsvp'd (that really puts a well-planned pass the parcel into disarray!), siblings coming with their brothers/sisters that I hadn't been informed of (my inner control freak went into complete freak-out mode for a bit there!)

Reflecting now, I realise that I had set myself a huge task. I wanted this birthday to be a special one for Little Miss 5, except it nearly came at the cost of my sanity. With all the random acts of the universe being thrown into the mix, I felt challenged and yet took pride in overcoming these challenges as they arose. The whole experience though was tinged with a fear that had been quiet within for a long time. It's visit on Sunday was unexpected.

This re-birthed my fear of "not being good enough". I felt I was on show, that my mothering and organisational skills were being judged, that my cake decorating skills needed to reflect something out of a Dona Hay magazine. It was all about me. For awhile there I lost sight of why I was doing what I was doing...... it was all about my daughter, not all about me!

I learned a few valuable lessons going through this experience:

•  I am great at offering help to others. I am NOT great at asking for help or accepting offers of help. (Note to self - learn how to do more of this).
• I am prone to setting my expectations of myself too high 
• Practicing mindfulness and meditation is beneficial to my mental health and wellbeing (more on that in my next post!) 

The good news is that I survived. The great news is that I was able to recognise this pattern in my behaviour (allbeit after the event), I am now able to let go of that feeling of anxiousness and pull out the relaxation music and candles. The best news is that I will never again set myself an almost unachievable task without first seeking the help of others!!

Until next time,

Love

Shanelle

Picasso has Moved In - Diary of a Second Time Mum

Date: Sometime in the past few weeks (They're beginning to meld together now)

Dear Diary

It appears we have acquired ourselves a resident 4.9 year old Picasso. I thought we managed to skip this phase completely, but alas, Picasso made her move late into our house.

Recently we've found doodles and scribbles on her dolls, her table, the window sill (I may or may not have hit the roof about this being in our brand new house!) But the straw that broke the camels back and sent our household into disarray was the discovery of her drawing on the tv in the toyroom.

And probably what made all hell break loose was the fact that Dad discovered this latest piece of artwork. I came back into the house after hanging out some washing to find the tv unplugged on the dining room table and a sobbing child who wouldn't tell me what had happened.

After some careful coaxing, I managed to get out of her that she'd drawn on her tv and Dad had confiscated it. We then decided to put  a 2 week ban on tv watching of her shows on any of the household tv.

So far things are going well and she's hardly noticed the absence of Peppa Pig, Fairy Kingdom, Play School, or Sesame Street. And just quietly, my sanity is grateful for this break in ABC2. She's spending more time outside jumping on the trampoline, swinging on the swings and monkeying around on the monkey bars.

I am beginning to wonder if we could turn this into a permanent thing. I could really get used to it!

Until next we meet!

xxxx

My Letter to a New Mum - Guest Post by Michelle Lia from Mumma Bliss

You have just been on the biggest transformation of your life in your pregnancy, now you are a new mum – congratulations! It’s such an amazing journey. There will be times where you just want to cry, but the rewards outweigh the frustrations.  You will feel exhausted, emotional and you may even start to worry about returning to work. You may start feeling depressed or suffer from anxiety.  BUT there are so many rewards, the first smile, the first time they look at you. Ahhh I remember those first moments, like it was only yesterday, now my son is 6 years old.

The one thing I wish I did when I became a new mum was to enjoy every single moment. Being present in each and every moment is the biggest gift of all.  These moments, even though they sound frustrating and stressful, they are just moments in our life. Your baby will grow, and move onto the next stage and before you know it they are at big school and not wanting to cuddle their mummy in public.

Trust your intuition – don’t listen to friends or family who place judgements on the way you should be mothering. Listen to your heart and follow your intuition – it’s always right.

Don’t worry too much.  Remember everything will always work out.  You may start to worry that you are losing your identity of who you were before you became a mother. I know this all too well. I started lose myself as a new mum. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I knew I needed to do something to make a difference by helping mums and serving others – that’s why I created MummaBliss.

Take time out for yourself. Make sure you spend 10 minutes per day to yourself doing something that feels good for you. Self-care practices are important to make sure you nurture the nurturer. Check out Daily Self-care for all mums. By doing this, you will have more energy to be a loving mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend.  Don’t feel guilty for taking some time out to yourself – it’s important. Always put yourself first.  Be gentle on yourself. Practice a heart breathing and meditation on a daily basis:

Bring your awareness up to the centre of your chest – to your Heart – your chakra of self-development and unconditional love or also called Anahata. Gently breathe into your Heart, letting it soften and expand on your breath. Invite the colour green. Bathe your heart centre with nourishment, renewal, healing. Say the words “I am loved”. “I am love” “I allow myself to give and receive love freely”“I am nourished by the power of love”. Practice this everyday for 40 days and notice miracles flow into your life, especially more love and more love for yourself.

I recently created a Mummy Manifesto, which is everything I believe in to be a happy, present and mindful mum. Here’s some of the quotes from the Mummy Manifesto – pin it up on your fridge as a good reminder.  I would love to hear your thoughts on the Mummy Manifesto. I poured my heart and soul into this project. It is something that I am very passionate about and believe it is the secret to motherhood. 

Begin your day with gratitude and love

Set a daily intention

Trust your intuition

List 3 things to be grateful for before bed

Be patient

Connect with your body

Spend 10 mins per day on yourself

Michelle Lia is a maternity wellness coach, yoga teacher, motivational speaker and founder of MummaBliss. I help mums let go of fear, anxiety and stress by living in the moment, connected and radiantly happy with yoga, mediation and self-care practices.  Visit www.mummabliss.com. You can also follow MummaBliss on Facebook www.facebook.com/mummablissoz.

Diary of a Second Time Mum - I May Be Wearing Granny Undies, But There Are Times When A Girl Still Needs Her Mum

Day and time is a mystery at the moment! This occurred some time in the past couple of weeks .....

Dear Diary

Tonight is one night of the week I've come to dread and I know I shouldn't but it is what it is. It's one of the nights I'm flying solo as mother of 2. My back up plan is working the night shift, which means all responsibility lies with me!

The afternoon goes well but once 6pm rolls around it's a whole different kettle of rotting fish. The planets seem to collide, erupt and explode simultaneously without the fanfare one would expect from such a dramatic occurrence.

Tempers are short and frayed, tantrums are plentiful,  there's a screaming child involved (and it's not the baby!), instructions are given and ignored, things escalate and get out of hand faster than a dropped match in tinder dry grass. There's something about the witching hour where all reason goes out the window.

By this time of the day, I am tired from the almost constant feeding of Little Mister and I am looking forward to dinner, shower and bed. When I am on my own with the 2 cherubs, things don't go to this smooth plan!

Tonight I almost lost my shizz completely. It was dinner time and although I'd taken a quiche out earlier, it hadn't made it into the oven yet as we'd had visitors in the afternoon. So it's 6 o'clock, Little Mister has started his cluster feeding early tonight, Little Miss is hungry for her dinner and I tell her I will make it as soon as I can. I feed Little Mister one breast, put him down, quickly make a toasted chicken, cheese and BBQ sandwich for Little Miss to put some substance into her tummy and send her for a shower. I know the nutritionists would be tut-tutting at me, but hey, for tonight it gets the job done!

That's when the proverbial hit the fan. Several requests and attempts to get Little Miss into the shower whilst Little Mister is hanging off my other boob severely failed. My temper flared and soon my voice was raised. She's standing there with her hands on her hips telling me she could do what she wanted when she wanted.

This didn't fly with me at all. My inner Aries fired up more like a lion than a ram!

My ace card of calling Dad at work was thrown aside when she tried to snatch the phone out of my hand as I was dialling. This was the final straw! Shower and bed for you Little Miss!

Meanwhile on the inside I was having my own mini meltdown. The "bad mother" voice began to kick in, but I wasn't ready to give into it. I did what any girl in trouble does, I called my Mum.

Somehow having Mum on the other end of the phone while Little Miss stood in front of me and told me she wasn't going to bed yet allowed me some time to breathe. It got me out of the heat of the moment to realise that the war that was raging on in my house was not the be all and end all. There is life outside of this little pressurised bubble that had been growing by the minute ready to pop at any given second!

Eventually once she realised she no longer had my full attention, Little Miss conceded and went into her room to read.

And now, 2 hours later she's lying in bed singing "10 Green Bottles ever so sweetly while I'm here grateful that I didn't resort to swigging one of those green bottles.

Some days are diamonds and some days are stone.
Tomorrow is a new day and no matter how tough things get,
I'll never be on my own.

Let's hope our next meeting is under better pretenses!

Love to you

Shanelle

xxx

Diary of a Second Time Mum - "The Advantages of Having a Koala Bear Baby"

17th July - 23 days old

Dear Diary

So this is where I am hanging out today.... on my bed, with my little man snuggled in closely and laptop on hand to keep me entertained in between feeds and naps.

It seems Little Man loves being closely snuggled between the milk bar and doesn't like being too far away from them at all!!

This experience is a new one for me. You see, I didn't get the snuggly, cuddly moments with my daughter for several reasons:
a) she was in a brace to correct her hip, so she was more like cuddling a box than a baby
b) I suffered severely from "First Time Mum Syndrome" and was too scared to cuddle for too long in case I created a "clingy" baby or did something wrong (I'm so grateful I got the opportunity to be a mother again!)

I know now that cuddles do not create clingy babies and it's okay to make up the rules as you go along. It makes so much sense that my baby wants to be close to me, after all we went everywhere together for 9 months, just because we are now 2 separate entities, doesn't mean that that changes anything! My Koala Bear Baby has taught me the following in a short amount of time:

• There's nothing better in the world than snuggling with your precious new little person
• Appreciating the moment for what it is, knowing that this time will never come again
• This time is a wonderful opportunity for me to rest and catch up on sleep. Naps are a beautiful thing and the world looks so much better after a little snooze!
• Going with the flow and taking things as they come, rather than undertaking my day with control and military precision ticking off check boxes and to-do lists
• If things get done, great. If they don't - no big deal. Tomorrow is another day and another opportunity to have a crack then
• I'm not out to prove anything to anyone. There are no awards to be won. Perfect Mother does not exist and I have no desire whatsoever to chase that title in this lifetime ever again. I am perfect in all the right ways for the little people that need me and mean the world to me. No one else's opinion of that counts!

I will sign off for now as there are more precious cuddles waiting for me.

Until next we meet.

Love

Shanelle

Don't Forget Dad - Guest Post by Robyn De Beer (Mrs D Plus 3)

After my first child was born I was very unexpectedly struck down with Post Natal Depression.  I know ‘struck down’ sounds a bit dramatic, but that’s how I felt.  I went from a perfectly normal pregnancy where I was counting the minutes until I’d meet my little boy, to almost not being able to be in the same room as him when he cried.

I was so withdrawn and ashamed about how I was feeling that I did everything in my power to hide it.  I actually did a very good job of pretending to the outside world that I was ‘fine’ and life with a new baby was ‘fabulous’ even though it was anything but.

The problem was that I was unable to hide it from my husband.  Living in the same house together and sharing the same bed made it impossible.  He watched me slowly fall apart and listened to me sob myself to sleep night after night.  I was in such a massive state of denial, that in my mind I was hiding it all from him too.

I believed (at the time) that our baby didn’t love me he just loved his Dad.  Why was it that Dad could settle him and I couldn’t?  How come Dad went all doe eyed when he looked at him and I didn’t?  How did Dad get to bond with him so quickly and I couldn’t?  All these questions were running though my head every second of every day making me build up huge walls and barriers of resentment.  I was horrible to him and it wasn’t his fault at all.

Our relationship, which was once rock solid before this little human was born, was falling apart too and I couldn’t even see it.   The more he tried to help the further away I pushed him, until one day he decided to have a intervention and he called my mum.  I was so angry with him for doing it because I saw it as the ultimate betrayal of trust.  This was MY secret and not his to share.

Some time later and upon reflection I can now fully appreciate that by stepping in and doing something he not only saved me, but also saved us, and I will always be so grateful for that.

During the months I suffered from Post Natal Depression the focus was so much on me, the new mum, that very few people actually asked how my husband was doing.  Although he was over the moon by with the arrival of our precious boy, he also had to silently watch me suffer from the sidelines and that could not have been easy for him.

Having a new baby affects everyone differently.  Some people cope perfectly well and others struggle.  It is not always just the mums that struggle; it can also be the Dads and relationships too.

If you are reading this and think that you or your partner may be suffering from Post Natal Depression than please visit or call PANDA (http://www.panda.org.au/) on 1300 726306

Written by Robyn de Beer at www.mrsdplus3.com

"Real life tales of a stay at home mum with three kids. Honest and often humorous, I cover all the ordinary moments that can often be extraordinary if you look closely enough. My blog appeals to anyone who loves cooking with a thermomix, appreciates the odd 'hair-pulling' moments the school run or kids dinner time can bring, loves photography (especially the amateur kind), and sees the bright side of parenting. Life is different every day."

Diary of a Second Time Mum - And the Shenanigans Begin .....

10th July - 16 days old

Dear Diary

What can I say? Our day started out well with this .....

 Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth! She loves her baby brother so much she wants to constantly smother him in kisses and cuddles. This was our compromise ........

Things went a little south later on in the afternoon however. They were having cuddles in bed and I left them alone for literally 4 minutes while I went to make a cup of tea, talking to them both while I was in the kitchen. Big Sister did tell me that Little Brother had red paint on his forehead. (Red paint is blood in our house). I didn't think too much of it, thinking he'd scratched himself with a hooky fingernail..... I later discovered it was in fact RED PEN and Santa did it!

Naughty Santa!!

Red pen has now been confiscated and we've had a long chat about drawing on paper, not Little Brothers!

And so the shenanigans begin!

Until next we meet!!

Love

Shanelle

Diary of a Second Time Mum - Breaking All of My "First Time Mum" Rules

8th July - 2 weeks old

Dear Diary

Sitting here feeding (yet again!) contemplating the past two weeks with the new man in our lives, I realised how calm, relaxed and laidback I've been this time round. This reflection also got me thinking about the strict and stringent rules that I had set for myself as a first time mother and how completely ridiculous they were. Also how those rules had no bearing over how my daughter is today.

I can proudly say that 2 weeks in, I have already rebelled and broken the following rules:

• My child will not have a dummy (I requested one be brought to the hospital on the second day after the first night was spent sleepless with an unsettled baby. And wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't take it. But having it there as back up was reassuring in a way)
• My child will be breastfed, not formula fed (This one went out the window on our first night at home. He wouldn't settle and seemed to be hungry no matter how much I fed. So I cracked open the tin of formula I'd bought before he was born, mixed up a bottle, and wouldn't you know it ...... he wouldn't take it! Again it was reassuring to know that I had another option)
• My child will sleep in its own cot/bassinette (This rule was broken I think on the 3rd or 4th night home. Little Mister loves to be held and it's been awfully cold. There's something wonderful and cosy about snuggling close with your baby that I missed out on with my daughter, seeing as though she spent her first few months in the brace correcting her hips. I have been sleeping half sitting up to make sure he's safe. His favourite place in the world is snuggled into  my chest between my boobs like a little koala bear :)
• My child will wear cloth nappies (This time around I knew disposables are the way to go. During the newborn phase who really has time to wash pooey nappies! I do have a confession to make though ... during the crazy "get everything ready because baby is coming soon" stage, I did diligently wash all the cloth nappies and stack them neatly in the cupboard. A couple of days later I came to my senses and realised I was off in some fantasy world and immediately packed them all back into the garage. Maybe some day .....) 

It feels good to know that I can be flexible and adaptable adjusting to the circumstances as they arise, rather than being imprisoned by the notion of right and wrong. If I've learned anything, it's that there is  no right or wrong, there just is.

Some days you just need to do whatever you can to get through the day and if that means spending the day in your pj's on the couch giving your little one snuggles because that's what they need in that moment, well that's what's happening that day. The housework can wait. The dishes can wait. The outside world can wait. Because right now I am really enjoying getting to know this new little man we've been blessed with and I'm sure soon enough there'll be time to tend to life's other menial tasks!

Until next we meet.

Sending love

Shanelle

xxx

Diary of a Second Time Mum - 9 Things I've Been Reminded of About Having a Newborn

3rd July - 9 days old

Dear Diary

9 days into this gig and here is a list of things I'd forgotten about newborns but have been well and truly reminded of:

1. Feeling like a ninja preparing for an exclusive mission each time I get dressed with pads everywhere (breasts, knickers and in the top of my knickers to protect my wound). The guy in the Libra ad does have a point .....

2. How long a feed takes & how frequently a new one needs to eat and that their feeds are timed from when they began their feed not when it was finished, so your sleeping time is dramatically reduced!

3. Forgetting to go to the bathroom before settling in for a marathon feeding session and then having to cross your legs and think about something else for the duration of the feed!

4. The innate ability to do everything one-handed while feeding, nursing, settling, typing, making a cuppa, undoing and doing up of maternity bras ......

5. How quickly time seems to evaporate while you stare at them endlessly when you should be sleeping because your baby is.

6.  Breasts that produce milk at the most random of moments, most of all when you get out of a hot shower or hear your baby cry.

7. When getting 3 hours of continuous sleep feels like an entire night of slumber.

8. Having supersonic hearing and sixth sense that makes you jump up and check your baby whenever you hear an odd noise or checking anyway because you haven't heard any noises for a while. Our boy seems to be a grunter!

9. How much love you can have instantaneously for the new little human who has arrived and taken over your world by storm.

I'm sure I could add many more to this list. These are the ones that have stood out  for me so far and right now I am eating into precious sleeping and resting time. So if there are any important ones I've missed or overlooked, feel free to comment below.

Until next we meet!

Love

Shanelle

The Greatest Gift You Can Give Your Children - Guest Post by Alison Bengough (The Mindset Effect)

If your children are young you’ve probably got routines for everything. Sleeping, eating, pooping, cleaning, dressing, toilet training, bathing, comforting, soothing. As they get older add in soothing boo boos, being a taxi service, school volunteering, reasoning, disciplining, medical & dental care, socialisation, birthday parties, family time, formal education, sporting commitments … the list is endless.

The commitment you take on financially, socially, emotionally, physically and psychologically is positively astronomical! Day after day, week after week, year after year. And when you have multiple children you can multiply the load you carry. Add in children with special needs and the feelings of overwhelm can skyrocket!

If that’s not enough, you get bombarded multiple times a day by unsolicited opinions about how you “should” be doing things. From family, friends, acquaintances, school parents, sporting parents, teachers, doctors, other professionals … even the media.

Is it any wonder most parents feel like they’re heads will explode any minute!

But you keep going, putting one foot in front of the other, because you made a very strong commitment to those little people you gave birth to. You love them, no matter what, and you would go to the ends of the earth for them, even if it meant to go without ourself. Right? (I can hear the chorus of “yeses” from here!)

Most parents know that all learning experiences begin with babies exploring the world around them. They respond to energy; angry vibes, sad vibes, happy vibes. They learn by watching. As they grow, if we get angry, so do they. If we allow others to treat us disrespectfully, so do they. If we fail to care for ourselves, so do they.

For this reason, literally and figuratively, the greatest gift you can give your children, is a parent who takes care of him or herself.

When you prioritise your own self-care they learn,

·         That you are worth being taken care of,

·         That they are worth being taken care of. Simply from watching your example, they know that allowing others to treat them disrespectfully is hurtful, and they are much less likely to allow themselves to be taken advantage of,

·         The value of boundaries,

·         The value of waiting,

·         To stand up for themselves,

·         To listen to their heartsong.

They also receive a much more peaceful, loving and happy environment to live in. Simply because you will be much more peaceful, loving and happy to be around. And since they pick up and reflect your vibes, they in turn will be much more peaceful, loving and happy. It really is a win-win for everyone.

The core message here is this: Self-care is not selfish. It is essential!

Now that you have the message, you may be wondering how you start the process of taking care of you, especially if you haven’t done it in years. The greatest tip I can give you is to start small, take it slow and build it up gradually. If you haven’t done it in so long that you forgot how, it will likely feel foreign to you for a while. And if your kids aren’t used to seeing you do it, you might get some objections to it (especially if it takes attention away from them). You need to be able to prepare yourself for those objections and plan how you can deal with some of the emotions that come up as a result (guilt being a big one). If you feel bad about taking time out for you, consider talking with a trusted friend or counsellor/psychologist to help you process some of those emotions.

To begin with, you might try some of these strategies:

1.       Schedule some time for yourself on a daily basis. If you’re not used to taking it, start with just 5 minutes of uninterrupted time and build up from there. If you start small it will be easier to fit into your schedule and it won’t feel so alien.

2.       As you build up the time, try exploring new things. Places, activities. Experiment with what you do and don’t like (only one way to find out!)

3.       Remind yourself regularly why you are doing this. By taking time out for you, you’re not depriving them of your attention. You are ultimately providing your kids with a better parent.

4.       Get in touch with your values. Values underpin everything we do, so getting clear on them will help support your position.

5.       Self-care doesn’t need to be expensive. It can be as simple as sitting in the park communing with nature or going for a 10 minute walk to clear your head.

6.       Schedule play dates with other mum’s in your area. By setting up a “club”, the kids get to work on their social skills and you get some time out. Rotate this routine so you each get a break. And remember, sometimes the self-care comes down to adult conversation. The kids can play while the adults work on their social skills!

7.       Remind yourself that you don’t have to do it all. The old adage, “it takes a village to raise a child” is true. Call on the support of the people around you. And if you feel isolated, try reaching out to local services. Some will have play groups or support groups where you can meet other parents and create friendships. This is especially important if you have kids with special needs. Carers organisations can be particularly helpful in this case. There is one in every state of Australia.

Ali Bengough is currently studying her Masters degree in Applied Psychology at the University of Queensland. She has been working as a counsellor for ten years and loves what she does. She is passionate about helping people find their purpose and overcome the barriers that hold them back from living their dreams. She blogs over at The Mindset Effect, where she writes about anything related to the way we think and feel. This is complimented by a Facebook page and Twitter account. She loves to hear from her readers and welcomes feedback on what they would value reading about. When she graduates, Ali plans to use her blog to launch her business, creating a comprehensive site offering a variety of individual sessions, group workshops, online programs and other resources. She is currently in the process of writing her first book; a small, easy to understand guide on how to stop taking on issues that belong to other people.

Diary of a Second Time Mum - Despite What the Scientists Say, Lightning Can Strike the Same Place Twice!!

Diary of a Second Time Mum is my way of staying connected with the outside world as I experience the motherhood journey for a second time in 5 years. I hope to share with you the highs, lows, fun and learnings along the way in a weekly post!

Dear Diary

We welcomed our gorgeous son into the world on Tuesday 24th June at 3.59am. Here's how it unfolded ....

Monday was spent taking it easy as I felt off-colour with an upset tummy. Early night in our house however sleep was evasive.

After experiencing some tightenings and a show just after midnight I called the hospital to see what I should do. They said to come up and get checked out. I called Mum at 1am in the morning to come and watch Miss Almost 5. Once she arrived we drove off slowly into the thick, heavy fog for what appeared to be the slowest trip to Rocky on record.

Arriving at the hospital just after 2am,  I was checked out and the Doctor said I was fully dilated  and the calmest fully dilated woman he'd seen in quite awhile. Being the middle of the night and no surgical team available he advised that I should try for a natural delivery. I freaked out a bit and he proceeded to do a scan to confirm the position of our baby.

He almost fell off his chair when he found our boy to be in the breech position. My partner and I looked at each other with relief, at least we'd found out now. Then I started asking questions..... what are the chances of having 2 undiagnosed breech births? According to some fancy numbers I've read online since there's a 1% chance for a first born being breech (higher chance for girls) and about a 7% chance of subsequent pregnancies also being breech.

Phone calls were quickly made and a surgical team called in. By 3am, we were in theatre. I managed to remain calm and relaxed, which had been the mantra of my hypnobirthing for c section audio that I had been dutifully listening to a couple of times a day.

Even though I was booked in for a c-section on Wednesday and this was unfolding before me in an unexpected way, I felt a sense of calm and being in control. Like this time around I knew what to expect and was glad that we would get to meet our guy a  little sooner; that this was the safest choice for us.

At 3.59am our little man appeared above the screen. There's nothing quite like that moment when they hold your baby up for your first look. He was taken away to be checked out and was soon laid on my chest for our first snuggles.

Back on the ward after being stitched up and spending some time in recovery, it was time to snuggle and cuddle more with the new man in my life. I fell in love instantaneously. I just can't put into words the feelings of love that came when I looked at his cute-as-a-button face.

Miss Almost 5 came for a visit with Granny & Poppy - keen to meet her new brother. After a few cuddles and kisses, she was eager to head back to kindy to tell the other kids all about him. She's been waiting so long for him to arrive.

After our visitors left for the day, the nurse came and got me out of bed for a shower. At first I was a little surprised to be up and about so soon, now I am very grateful.  I feel fantastic and my recovery this time round has been smooth sailing. Now I can advocate how important your mindset and beliefs are and how much they impact on our experiences in life.

I will sign off for now. It's my intention to post once a week in some form or another using this platform.

Until next week,

Take care, keep smiling and be grateful for all the blessings in your life right now.

Love

Shanelle

Am I Being Precious or Are Professionals Lacking Compassion These Days?

Working as a travel consultant in various capacities over the past six years has kind of worn down my passion for travel to places like New Zealand, Fiji and Bali. It's like walking into McDonalds and ordering a plain cheeseburger. Not very exciting and quite run of the mill when it's your 10th request for the day.



It took me awhile to realise that it wasn't about me when  a client came in to enquire about these kinds of destinations. I had no idea how long they'd been saving for their holiday, that this was their first family holiday and they thought they could take their family of 5 for 7 days for under $3000.

That was before I learned to ask them their story. To take the time to find out why they were going and what their expectations where, to connect with them as humans and to build a relationship with them so that booking their holiday became part of their whole experience.

Once I had gleaned this information from them and established a working relationship, I was able to get excited for them and the plans they had to help breathe life into them. If their expectations were unrealistic, it gave me a pivotal point to return to and be able to remind them why they were wanting what they were wanting. The connection we built showed them that I cared and they were not just another number to be recorded in my KPI's at the end of the day.

Recently, I've had an experience of the shoe being on the other foot. It's been with my obstetrician (the joys of going via the public health system). No matter how I look at it, I am really struggling with the lack of relationship, rapport and compassion that emanates from this man who appears to be in his 70's and the fact that I am purely another number to him (completely my own interpretation of events).

I get the fact that seeing pregnant women day in and day out is the norm for him. However, this is my second viable pregnancy, with a significant amount of years between the two; I want to feel special and cared for when I see a health care professional. My experience has not been a one-off either. For each of the 3 appointments I've had, it's been the same.

On the first visit, I was with him all of 5 minutes. He asked whether I was wanting a natural birth or c-section. I said I was leaning towards a schedule c-section based on past experience. He told me I would heal much quicker if I had a natural birth and that a decision would be made at 36 weeks. End of conversation. No room for discussion.

On the second visit, he asked the question again; to which I gave the same response. This time he asked what had happened and I told him a few of the details. I didn't feel at all comfortable and in some way was feeling guilty for the experience I'd had with Number 1. He repeated that I would heal much faster if I had a natural birth. End of conversation again.

On the 3rd visit, he asked if I was still wanting a c-section (after checking baby's heart and telling me I had a big baby - what the?) to which I replied yes, based on what's happened before I would prefer this option. His response was that he would go and book me a date. End of conversation. Discussion = nil. Rapport built = nil. Comfort with interaction = nil.

I've looked at this from every angle I can think of and yet there's something  that really pisses me off. I know that I have no control over how he has chosen to act in this situation. I am only able to control my response and the meaning I choose to give to this strange encounter. It's given me an opportunity to conduct my own research, speak to other mums and health professionals to seek their opinions and thoughts. So in a sense, it's allowed me to educate myself on a much greater level, rather than relying on the opinion of one so-called medical professional.

As I sign off for now, I'd like to leave you to ponder and mull over the following, leave a comment and let's start a conversation around this:

* Where in your life are you treating things as 'run of the mill' rather than unique experiences and opportunities?
* If you are stuck in a rut and running on autopilot, what could you do to add some excitement and fun back into your life?
* If you've been on the receiving end of someone else's lack of compassion, what did you do to turn the situation around?

Until next we meet - take care and continue to be your amazing & awesome self xxx

The Simple Process of Start, Maintain & Finish

Over the past few days, I've realised how cyclic life really is and that everything we do follows the same process of - start, maintain and finish. Everything we touch follows this - our relationships, our daily tasks, the housework, getting from A to B, the crops our farmers grow - everything.

After realising that I am a great advocate for starting, but not necessarily that great on maintaining or finishing, I've been on a mission to finish some of the projects I had started some time ago in preparation for the new start that my family and I are about to embark on. 

Being a great starter means that over time I've acquired a collection of projects that I was so excited to begin and so I did with feverish excitement and that wonderful feeling of adrenalin shooting through my veins. However something happened after starting them - either I ran out of steam, my vision wasn't big enough or I wasn't clear on the outcome I actually wanted. Therefore because I didn't have a plan of attack to maintain the project, many of them never actually got finished.

And it's not just one area of my life that this has affected, it's influenced many. I was in the shower the other day and saw that between my partner and I, we have 4 half-used bottles of shower gel, 3 different kinds of shampoo & conditioner and 4 various body scrubbers. Then I went and checked out the pantry - I won't even go into details of what's happening in there! Seeing this got me thinking.....

There's a reason why so many people start diets and never finish them. There's a reason that many buildings begin the construction phase, yet never reach completion (and it's not just money!). As a society, we are great at starting things. New things are constantly thrown in our faces by advertisers and marketers and we're often trying out the next best thing before we have completed yesterday's "next best thing". 

What is lacking the most is vision; having the ability to see the end result before you begin. When  you know the end result you are aiming for, it makes it easier to work backwards and take manageable steps towards achieving your vision.  Starting is great, I'm all for it. I love the new. However having a solid plan of attack for how you will maintain and eventually finish is probably even more important.When a farmer plants his crop, he knows that the seed he is planting will bring him produce to harvest and sell to produce an income for himself and his family. He knows the process down pat. 

Let's go back to the diet concept for a minute. Most people do not succeed at these because they don't know how to maintain them. Many diets promise fast results and when these are not achieved, hope can be lost and many give up. But what if you had a plan of how you would maintain a healthy eating and fitness regime? What if you scheduled in time every day to take care of your body by exercising? What if you sat down and worked out your meal plans for the week so you had a clear picture of what the week would be like instead of getting to a meal and then grabbing the most convenient form of food available? What if you thought about how you want to feel when you've followed this plan for a month, two months, six months and can feel the benefits of maintaining your regime?

As I am  finishing and completing tasks, I feel I am clearing the way to bring the new into our lives. As I am finishing I also get a real sense of completion and accomplishment and that things won't be hanging over my head. 

My challenge to you is to take a helicopter ride over your life and see what you're great at and where you can improve. 

* What do you need to start in order to move forward?
* What areas do you need to get good at maintaining?
* What can you finish today to give you a sense of satisfaction for completion?

I'd love to hear what it is for you!