The Unwelcome Visitor - Diary of a Second Time Mum

Laying in bed last night after a hectic four or five days, I noticed a familiar tightness in my chest and then noticed my breathing was short, almost gasping. My body was tense and my muscles tight. It took me back to my "first time mother"days. As I lay there in this state, I realised that anxiety had begun to creep back into my life.

Over the past few days, I'd put a lot of pressure on myself to single-handedly  pull off a 5th Birthday Party for Little Miss Now 5 with all sorts of spanners thrown in my direction. Even though the party was a success, there were many obstacles that came up along the way. Starting with my partner having to work, my mum falling sick and not being able to make it on the day to help out, people turning up who hadn't rsvp'd (that really puts a well-planned pass the parcel into disarray!), siblings coming with their brothers/sisters that I hadn't been informed of (my inner control freak went into complete freak-out mode for a bit there!)

Reflecting now, I realise that I had set myself a huge task. I wanted this birthday to be a special one for Little Miss 5, except it nearly came at the cost of my sanity. With all the random acts of the universe being thrown into the mix, I felt challenged and yet took pride in overcoming these challenges as they arose. The whole experience though was tinged with a fear that had been quiet within for a long time. It's visit on Sunday was unexpected.

This re-birthed my fear of "not being good enough". I felt I was on show, that my mothering and organisational skills were being judged, that my cake decorating skills needed to reflect something out of a Dona Hay magazine. It was all about me. For awhile there I lost sight of why I was doing what I was doing...... it was all about my daughter, not all about me!

I learned a few valuable lessons going through this experience:

•  I am great at offering help to others. I am NOT great at asking for help or accepting offers of help. (Note to self - learn how to do more of this).
• I am prone to setting my expectations of myself too high 
• Practicing mindfulness and meditation is beneficial to my mental health and wellbeing (more on that in my next post!) 

The good news is that I survived. The great news is that I was able to recognise this pattern in my behaviour (allbeit after the event), I am now able to let go of that feeling of anxiousness and pull out the relaxation music and candles. The best news is that I will never again set myself an almost unachievable task without first seeking the help of others!!

Until next time,

Love

Shanelle