The Key to Love Lies Within You

I am sitting here on a rainy cold Sunday, knitting away (my current project is a mermaid tail blanket for my daughter) listening to Marianne Williamson's e-book "A Return to Love" while the rows are passing me by. Hearing her talk about love, reminded me that a few years ago, I wrote down some musings on my thoughts on love, which I will share with you in a moment.

The profound thing is, that the words I wrote those years ago are pretty much on par with what she is saying in her audio-book. Talk about a goosebump moment. We are wiser than we are lead to believe. We are wiser than we let ourselves believe. Trust that you know what is right for you.

Anyhow, here are the musings that I had:

"Love is what brings us here, what puts our feet on the earth.

Love is what connects us to our family, our friends, our lovers, our souls, our purpose, ourselves. Love unites us with ourselves and others.

Love nourishes and nurtures us, encourages us to grow, protects us as children.

Love breeds love.

Where is the lesson taught that love for who you are is the most important kind of love? Where are we shown to love ourselves, to give to ourselves, to cherish ourselves, to nourish, to nurture, to accept, to believe, to trust, to inspire within before we seek it from elsewhere?

Where are we shown that all that we have is a reflection of who we are?

Where is the school teaching us that emotions are fabulous and are capable of connecting us with ourselves and others? And that it’s okay to display these openly and honestly, no need for holding back or holding onto our truest feelings?

Where are we shown that love is beautiful, kind, passionate, forgiving, challenging, rewarding, tenacious, light, heavy, invigorating, mesmerising, defining, peaceful, easy, relaxed, exciting, vibrant, soulful, naked, imperfect, honest, raw, truth, desire?

How do we learn to love? How are we taught how to define love? We all have our own unique versions, definitions, rules, regulations and expectations when it comes to love. Why is it expected to come to us? Why do we seek it out, search for it, long for it, ache for it, compromise for it, lust after it? Why do we need love from outside to complete who we are? Why does it come easy for some and yet eludes others? Is it a matter of expectations and levels of satisfaction? Are they different in each of us? How do you know when you’ve arrived at love? What does it look like, feel like, sound like? Why are we taught love is difficult, challenging, worth fighting for?

Love is beautiful.
Love is raw.
Love is vulnerable.
Love is sweet.
Love is bitter.
Love is warm.
Love is connection.
Love is cuddly.
Love is intense.
 Love is tender.
Love is kind.
Love is mushy.
Love is luminescent.
Love is pure.
Love is simple.
Love is evolution.
Love is beautiful.
Love is inspirational.
 Love is projection.
Love is wondrous.
 Love is amazing.
Love is awesome.
 Love is plentiful.
 Love is limitless.
Love is flowing.
Love is vibrant.
Love is colourful.
 Love is within.

What if you are love? Who you are. What you do. What you bring into this world; the way you live your life, the way you embrace others, the way you face your fears, the way you conquer your own inner battles. What if love is you? What if you are love in the form of bliss, desire, passion, abundance, connection, vulnerability, rawness, devotion, wholeheartedness, acceptance, gratitude, peace, flow, vibrancy, tenderness, inspiration, enough, appreciation, wonder, fulfilment, expansion, evolution, imperfection, rawness, honesty, truth, beauty, emotions, free flowing, effervescence, flexibility?

 Life would be a series simpler, straightforward, uncomplicated, humming, peaceful, ebbing, flowing, rippling, streaming, gushing and rolling experiences, with one common denominator – love. If the world came from a place of love, rather than the lack mentality there is the moment, there would be enough for everyone, we would be happy with who we are and what we have, we would be peaceful, calm, relaxed, we would be grateful and appreciative, and we would be content. We would be enough."  

I am sure there are many more things to learn about love. My greatest learning so far is that first we must love ourselves in order to love others and to receive love. More to come on this topic!

The Story that Still Chokes Me Up Unexpectedly

This morning I had a phone interview with a journalist from a magazine that is doing a feature on PND.

It doesn't matter how many times I share my story, there are still days when it gets me. Some days I get taken right back to that place and those feelings and I get a bit choked up. While I realise just how far I have come since those dark days, at times there is still an element of guilt that comes into play.

I know cannot undo what has been done. I can simply use my experience to share with others to help them feel less alone and to realise that PND is more "normal" than what we're led to believe. If through the process of me sharing helps just one other person, then that is enough.

Having this reaction also makes me realise how passionate I am about supporting mums and dads on this rocky and unfamiliar road of parenthoodand how important it is that we learn to put our emotional health and wellbeing at the forefront.

It's time for it to be okay for us to share how we are really feeling on the inside. It's time to take away the mask we've been wearing for society's sake, because that's all just a facade any way.

Being a parent is a tough gig, it's unlike anything we've experienced before, but it shouldn't have to be a journey we walk alone.

I will continue to share my story, for it's bigger than me. It no longer defines who I am. It's a part of the tapestry of life I continue to weave.

Big love to you! heart emoticon

If you are not feeling great about things at the moment, then I encourage you to reach out and talk to someone. And if someone reaches out to share how they're feeling with you, please don't try to fix it, just listen with the intent to hear what they are saying. This is the best thing you can do 

Seven Year Switch

I have a confession to make ... I totally got sucked into watching "Seven Year Switch". Last night was the last episode of the experiment where the couples decided if they were going to stay together or to split.

I sat watching it like one would watch an impending train crash, unable to look away. I couldn't believe that at the end of it all, the amount of blame that was being placed on the other partner (in most of the relationship scenarios) nor the conditions that were surrounding them staying together.

When did love become a bargaining tool?
When did it become "If you do this, the way I like it, the way I think is right, then I will love you?"
When did love become so conditional?

No one was taking any responsibility for themselves and their behaviour. It was still such a blame game. I'm not quite sure what they learned during the course of the experiment or perhaps it's just what the producer chose to show us as a reflection of the experiment - who knows.

Some things I have learned about love and relationships (and am continuing to learn, as it's a process and a journey, not a start/finish point and am by no means an expert in this area)

* Love starts, happens and finishes with you
* The quality of the relationship you have with yourself will determine the quality of all other relationships in your life
* Real Love is limitless and unconditional
* You cannot rely on someone else to fulfill a need within you that you are not prepared to work on and mend for yourself first
* That which you see in your partner (positive and negative attributes) are a direct reflection of what you are able to see within yourself. So if you are constantly whinging and complaining about your partner, perhaps it's time to take a closer look in the mirror.
* Quality communication is fundamental in all relationships
* Nothing has meaning except for the meaning which we choose to give it

Big love to you all, wherever you are and whatever you are doing today heart emoticonheart emoticon

Take My Hand ...

A little poem popped into my head and wanted to be written and shared. xx

Take my hand awhile, place it in yours.

Let me know I am safe.

Allow me to feel your warmth.

Stay close by my side, even when I push you away.

Clear the path for me to walk.

Allow me to follow my heart and to explore.

May you give me comfort in my time of need.

While gently reminding me it's really all inside of me.

Show me glimpses of what I can be.

Spark my inspiration and light my creative fire.

Let me know that I am really enough.

And that I can make it through

All of life's "big" stuff.

Village Building for Mums

We've heard that it takes a village to raise a child. It's also important for a mother (especially a new mother) to have the nurturing and support of a village too.

When I had PND, no one in my village understood what it was like to have a mental illness associated with motherhood. I felt guilt and shame because I wasn't "normal". There was no one to open up to about what was really going on for me.

I can almost guarantee that if someone in my village had known about the signs to look for or how to support someone with PND, then my journey wouldn't have been so isolating.

If someone else in my village had a lived experience of living and coping with a mental illness as a new mum, someone - a go-to that I could have talked to about my real feelings and how I wasn't coping, then I wouldn't have tried to hide from it for as long as I did.

Peach Tree Perinatal Wellness is the bridge into a Mum's village. When's she not coping as a mother. When she's challenged by her mental health. When she's overwhelmed with the entire deal of motherhood. Our Peachy Parents Groups are building strong villages of support for mums. They provide a place to speak opening and honestly, without judgement. A place where friendships are formed and deep breaths are taken as mums realise they're not on their own and they are not alone in their experiences.

Peach Tree Perinatal Wellness is a not for profit organisation who rely on fundraising efforts and securing grants to support our Peachy Parents Groups and our Parent Education Programs. We may not have the big shiny name or reputation (yet) of other charities, however the work we carry out in our communities has a huge impact not only on the mums engaging in our services, but the children, partners and families too.

Having said that, I encourage you to take a moment to make a small contribution to a very worthwhile cause who doesn't have the ability to promote ourselves in flashing neon lights. Our annual Peach Tree Trek is on next Sunday 1st May in Brisbane, one of our biggest fundraising efforts for the year. Even $5 will make the biggest difference to the villages we are building and will help us to expand them to reach more families who can benefit from having Peach Tree in their lives.

4 Tips to deal with overwhelm at this time of the year!

As 2015 is rapidly drawing to a close, life is starting to get overwhelming for many of us as we navigate the end of year celebrations.

In today's video, I share with you 4 tips to help get through this challenging time of the year.

Welcome to Connection Coaching

This morning I took a gigantic leap outside of my comfort zone and made a short video about who I am and what I do.

Feel free to check it out!

My intention is to post a video a week. If there's a particular topic you would like to know more about or if you have a question, please feel free to comment or send me an email shanelle@connectioncoaching.com.au. For more regular updates, be sure to "like"  our Facebook page.

Have a great week and I'll be back soon!

Parental Flexibility

Being a parent means becoming flexible and learning to roll with the punches. Please allow me to indulge in a little story from this morning ....

8.39am - Me to Miss 6 - "Quick. Time to do your hair before we go to school". (We are normally in the car ready to leave as the bell rings at 8.45am.)

I start brushing her hair and notice something crawling in there. Upon closer inspection I discover that an infestation of nits has decided to interrupt our morning routine and has determined that we will not in fact be getting to school on time this morning and I will indeed be late for my 9.30am commitment.

In years past, this would have stressed me to no end and anxiety would have immediately kicked in. This morning, there were no signs of Mr Anxiety at all.

With a deep breath I said to her "Well I guess we'll have to get these cheeky buggers out before either of us is going anywhere today!". I contacted my co-facilitator to make sure she would be there for kick off time at 9.30am. And then we started the de-nitting process.

Any mother is familiar with this process and it is one of my most detested duties to carry out.

As we were carrying out said task, Miss 6 started to worry that she would be late for school. I assured her that we would get her there by the end of the day and that she wasn't missing out on too much.

I told her that the universe must have decided that we needed a little more time together this morning and had invited the nits to come to visit. She seemed pretty impressed with this and was also mightily impressed with the size of the livestock coming out of the coming process!

She pondered if nits did in fact have eyes. I confirmed that I wasn't sure, but we could ask Mr Google this afternoon when she got home from school.

Forty minutes later the de-nitting process was complete, hair was washed, uniform back on, hair was subsequently put up into a very tight bun and then enthusiastically sprayed with a tonne of hair spray to attempt to deter the cheeky buggers.

Moral of the story ...... things don't always go to plan. We always have a choice in how we react. We can choose to be drawn into drama and stress or we can choose to take the positive learnings that are available to us at every opportunity. We can draw upon the resources and reach out and ask for assistance when we know we need it.

What will you choose when things don't go the way you'd planned today?

Happy Friday and big love to you wherever you may be today xxxx <#

World Mental Health Day - 10th October

Today is World Mental Health Day.

I wanted to share this picture of my daughter and I from 6 years ago, when my post natal depression was at its peak.

You cannot tell someone's mental health state just by looking at them. You cannot know how someone is feeling by the way they present themselves to the world. You can never know the stories that someone is telling themselves over and over in their head.

I was great at wearing the mask of "perfect mother" when I was out in public. If you saw me out and about, you would probably think that I had adjusted to my new role of motherhood rather well. If there was video footage of what was happening in the 4 walls of my home, you would be shocked to know I was the same person.

There was constant anxiety over doing things the "right" way, if I was following the rules (of course my baby had a rulebook!). There was so much guilt associated with feeling totally out of my depth with the challenges of being a new mum. I constantly beat myself up over a traumatic birth experience and a daughter born with a dislocated hip.

I was so sad, so emotional, so teary. I was exhausted. I wasn't sleeping well in fear that something might happen. I felt so alone and isolated, like I was the only one going through this experience. I was ashamed that this wasn't a natural experience for me. Why hadn't I got the fairy-tale the media makes motherhood out to be?

I would put my daughter down for her nap and then lock myself in the walk-in robe to cry. Locked in the darkness the tears would stream endlessly.

I kept myself busy cooking, cleaning, washing and whatever else I could to keep my mind off how I was really feeling. It got to a point where I couldn't handle it anymore.

Finally I made the call to see my GP. A call that was probably one of the bravest and scariest things that I have ever done. A call that ultimately put me onto the path of receiving the help I so desperately needed and to getting my mental health under control.

6 years on, I now have 2 beautiful children. Most days are great, however there are times when depression starts to creep back in. Nowadays I am aware of the signs to look out for and can put the steps into place to get me back on track before I am

Statistics say that 1 in 2 of us will develop a mental illness during our lifetime. Mental Illness doesn't have to define you. It can be managed.

It's time the guilt and shame were removed from mental illness. People don't choose to get diabetes, nor do we choose to have a mental illness. We need to be able to have open and honest conversations about how we are genuinely feeling and know that these conversations will be taken seriously and are free from judgement.

Please, if you need to reach out - contact your GP, call Lifeline 13 1114 or PANDA 1300 726 306 or Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467

The Blurry Lines Between Who I am and What I Do

Somewhere, somehow the lines between who I am and what I do have become tightly entangled and are in need of some unravelling. I came to this conclusion last week when I found myself in a position that required some help, but because I had the thought of "I am a Life Coach" stuck in my head, meant that I was reluctant to reach out and ask.

Yet another limiting belief has raised its ugly head. I thought because I do Life Coaching that I must have all my shit together. Ha ha ha!

Crazy right? I know! Just because we choose to do a certain profession doesn't make us any less likely of needing help or assistance in difficult or trying times. Consciously I know that I cannot possibly know all of the answers and if someone else had said the same thing to me, I would have thought their thinking was way off kilter.

So why then was it okay for me to think that it wasn't okay to ask for help? And that if I did ask for help I would be seen as less qualified than what I am? And that by asking for help I was showing my weaknesses and even worse yet, I was showing how vulnerable I really was? Man our minds really do have a lot to answer for at times!

The lesson I gleaned from all of this after hearing from an honest source that I couldn't very well coach myself out of this situation (I will admit I have been trying to ha ha!), was that we all need a little help some times. I know I have said this before, but I will say it again because it's apparent I haven't really gotten the lesson all the other times I've said it and maybe you didn't either, that's why it's reappearing.  Asking for help is a sign of strength , not a sign of weakness.

Knowing where to go for help and making sure it's from a reliable source is probably the biggest challenge. Personally I am aware of how much better I feel after asking for help and being on the receiving end of help. So I guess it's fair to say that there are times when even the helpers need help!

As much and all as I am passionate about Life Coaching, it's something I do, but it doesn't prevent me from having problems, issues and challenges on a daily basis. There are times when my coach training and experience can't get me out of the pickle I am currently in and another opinion is required, no matter how hard I try.

So I will surrender peacefully and gracefully and admit that I do need someone else's help on this one. That it's completely okay to admit this and ask for the help to get me through.

My only wish, is that you can do the same for you. If you're feeling stuck right now, caught up in a problem with your face pressed against the glass seeing what you want on the other side but don't know how to get there, just reach out. Ask for help. Ask the question. Ask for guidance. Trust me, you'll be so glad you did.

Week One - Done and Dusted

"All About Me August" has passed it's first week. I'm pleased to say that I have been making much more of a conscious effort to take care of myself first. It's a challenge though and a habit that's going to take some time to form. I just keep reminding myself that it's important to look after me so that I can give back to those who need me most.

Some of the things I have noticed over the past week include:

* My mood has been a lot more stable

* Giving to me feels good

* I am having so much fun remember what I enjoy doing and making sure I do them

* I am learning to appreciate the little things (it's amazing what 5 minutes sitting on the grass in fresh air and sunshine can do for you)

* Things really can wait and the world won't end if I don't respond straight away (emails don't self destruct if you read them and then don't action them)

* My hiatus from Facebook was more of a challenge that I had anticipated (I think I lasted 2 days before I was back on there. I will post more about this in the coming days)

* Playing beautiful mantras is soothing for the soul

* I had forgotten how much I love reading and holding a physical book, not an electronic device

* I feel so much better when I feel my body nourishing foods, move it and talk to myself nicely

* I've been compelled to declutter, my bathroom has been cleaned (a post is in the pipeline on that, watch this space!)

What's not working so well?

* The tendency to strive is still quite strong. I am constantly reminding myself to be present in the moment, to be happy where I am at.

* Giving myself a break, knowing that this is a process and not a quick fix

* Being hard on myself when I can't fit everything into my days (I am learning to say no, so this is a work in progress)

How are you going? What have you noticed? What's working for you? What's not working so well that you are going to change up this week? I'd love to hear how you're finding the journey. Leave me a comment of feel free to shoot me an email shanelle@connectioncaoching.com.au

Day 3 - How Did I Even End Up Here?

It's no secret that I suffered PND with my first-born. I was feeling quite proud to have become a second-time mum and seemingly kept my mental health intact. Or did I?

Recently things have been creeping back into my life that started to trigger off some warning lights.
* Teary at the drop of a hat
* Going from calm to angry in 3.0 seconds flat
* Feeling blah a lot of the time
* Overly emotional
* Saying yes to everyone and everything else and leaving me til last
* Generally feeling completely out of whack

Knowing what I know and having travelled the road I've travelled, these are cues that things are not the way that they need to be for me to function properly in my day-to-day life. Now that's a scary thing to admit.

Truth be told, it doesn't matter who you are or what you do, taking care of one's mental health is one of the most imperative parts of looking after yourself. Knowing when things aren't right and knowing when to ask for help is daunting, yet important to put steps into place to get life back on track to being some form of  "normalacy" (whatever that may be for you).

These feelings have prompted me to start "All About Me August". During the month I am makingsure to take care of myself first so that I am more able to give to those who need me. Yes it's a challenge, but I am confident that by the end of the month a new habit of self-care will have been formed.

I would encourage you to take stock of where you're at at the moment. How is your mental health really? If you're feeling out of whack and things just aren't right, it doesn't hurt to have a chat with your GP. Beyond Blue have some great resources on their website. And remember, Lifeline is a phone call away if you need to chat with someone.

Day 1 of "All About Me August"

I feel compelled to share my progress of Day 1 of "All About Me August". I'm not sure if this will become a regular thing or not, let's just see where the wind takes us.

I'm pleased to report that Day 1 went pretty well and was actually a smoother transition than what I had an anticipated.

The exciting thing was that I managed to get a head start on Friday night. Once the kids were tucked into bed, I pulled out "Eat, Pray, Love" and started to read it again, with some jazz playing away in the background. Absolute bliss. So simple. So easy and yet something I NEVER do for myself. It was a beautiful way to end the day.

My wake up call came at the regular 6.30am with the sounds of Mr 1 babbling away in his cot. Instead of getting out of bed and going straight to him, I took my time,  had a shower and dressed for the day (something I NEVER usually do). It felt great to have already done something so simple for myself to start the day, that I wasn't bothered by the fact that it was Saturday and I was up already.

Progress on the disconnection from social media is going fairly well. While I will admit I wasn't able to stay off the whole day, I did check in a couple of times to see what was happening in the world. However, I didn't feel drawn in to be on there aimlessly or like a billion things other people had posted. Let's see what Day 2 brings on that front.

Now I'm not sure if this is pure coincidence or not, but I found I was able to do more during the day because I felt I had already done something for myself. We had a pretty busy day with a birthday party and a few other jobs to do. The kids and I spent time together washing the car, going for a walk and getting dinner ready. It was lovely to have that time and to enjoy doing something with them.

My other commitment to myself this month is to stop striving; to stop pushing myself to do things that aren't ready to take shape yet, to stop wanting more than what I have now, to stop coming up with ideas and to stop saying "yes" to everyone else before I've really checked in with me to see if it's something worth my while. This is what I am finding challenging. My brain is so used to constantly going, seeking, searching, looking for possibilities, it's a struggle to be in the moment. Perhaps tomorrow I can start some meditation, perhaps that will help me to learn to be in the moment.

I totally understand that this is the first day of a 31-day month and anything is likely to happen over the coming days. Starting is starting and progress is progress, no matter how small. As part of my preparation for the month,  I sat down and wrote a list of things I like to do that make me feel good. I will refer back to this during the times I need to be guided in the right direction.

Will you be joining me on this quest to make August "All About You?" What things make you feel good? What challenges have you come across?

Until next time I feel the need to share this journey with you.
Sending love xxxxx
S