How to Autograph Curveballs

Sometimes in life, you're just cruising along, taking it easy, getting from A to B and then something happens to jolt you back to reality - a curveball is thrown in your path from left or right field you can't really tell because it all happens so quickly. This is exactly what I was faced with a few weeks back.

There I was, driving back into town from a meeting to pick up my daughter and do a few jobs before returning home for lunch and heading out together for an appointment. My plan didn't quite pan out that way however. The universe had other plans. It unleashed a driver on the same road at the same time as me.

A driver who was so focused on the love of her life being on the other side of the road, she wasn't looking where she was going and wasn't aware I was in front of her and that she needed to stop at the roundabout. There was a car in front of me and thankfully I didn't hit them.

As I was shunted from behind by the loved-up driver, the words "WTF" flew out of my mouth automatically. Somehow I managed to pull over safely and get out of the car to investigate the damage. In the scheme of things, a new tailgate on the car was a small price to pay. It could have been worse, much worse. After all Miss 4 has been telling us it's time for a new car, even though this one is not yet 12 months old!

I took myself off to the hospital to be checked out, just as a precaution. I felt fine, but wanted to make sure Baby Phillips was okay too. In accident & emergency I was cleared to go home. However I was due for my ante-natal appointment that afternoon and the midwife said she wanted to see me before I left.

When the A & E Nurse told me I could go, luckily I insisted on seeing the midwife! I was sent over to ante-natal and put on the CTG machine to be monitored for an hour. The CTG was picking up mild contractions, so I needed to stay and be monitored for 4 hours. A note to all the mums-to-be out there - any kind of car accident requires that you be monitored by CTG for at least a 3 hour period.

The contractions weren't painful. But they were regular - coming every 10 - 15 mins with intensity. As I lay there in the stark white room my mind started to wander down the "what if" path. Then I realised that I was playing scenarios through my mind that I didn't need to. I started focussing on the outcome of delivering a happy, healthy baby at full-term, as opposed to there and then at 31 weeks.

I remembered I had downloaded some relaxation music on my phone, so I pulled this out and started to play it. As I listened, I breathed deeply and focused on my desired outcome. Surprisingly enough, the contractions slowed down and then stopped altogether. Finally I was able to go home to my own bed. I was exhausted, yet pleased that I didn't need to be sent to the larger hospital in the area. I would go back the next morning just to check things were okay and if the contractions came back that night, I was to take myself to hospital immediately.

There were a few lessons learned that I'd like to share with you in the hope that when you're faced with a curveball situation, may help you get through a little easier:

• Not everything is about you, sometimes things just happen
• No matter how carefully you plan, there will always be obstacles in your path
• Take responsibility for you and your actions (it can be so easy to  blame others and go into 'victim' mode)
• Manage your mental state - focus on the outcome you want from the situation , rather than getting caught up in the drama of the moment
• Wherever you go, make sure you take some relaxation/meditation music because you never know when you may need it!
• If in doubt remember to breathe - DEEPLY
• 

Is It Me Or Are We Stuck on Achievement Autopilot?

Standing at the sink doing the dishes this morning, I was having a fantastic reflective conversation with the voices in my head (yes, this is fairly "normal"for me :)) I was thinking about my achievement of having published my first e-book, as I wrote about last week, and I noticed a tug of disappointment or heaviness, almost dread around that. Have you ever felt that after accomplishing something really big?

As I explored this a little deeper, it got me thinking - our society is so driven on the number-based outcome of so many situations rather than placing any focus or importance on who we are or how we're feeling whilst we're in the process of doing. So much focus gets placed on the end result, not the journey or the learnings that occurred along the way. We become drones of doing, factory workers lined up in the production line rather than choosing the way we want to feel or who we want to be in the process of "doing".

For me, this realisation came the other day when I was chatting with a friend and she asked me how many books I'd sold. I hung my head as I said "3". There and then I felt disappointed. Ego stepped in and overpowered the feelings and the journey I'd been on. I allowed ego to undermine my achievement. I was focussing on the number-driven result, the end of the production line.

While there at the sink this morning with my hands immersed in the warm soapy water, listening to the rain as it pelted down gently on the tin roof, I had a lightbulb moment - I didn't write the book for the purpose of selling millions of copies. I didn't set myself a set of KPI's to achieve or to show that my book writing was a success. My book didn't come off some production line. It came purely from my heart, my passion and my personal experience.

I wrote the book because I felt that I had a story to share, a story that may help others, a message that will resonate with a select few and not huge throngs of people and I'm cool with that. My intention for writing  was to allow other mums who may be struggling to realise that they're not alone, that things do get better and to share this passion on paper.

Then I got to thinking about Danielle La Porte's "The Desire Map" (a book and program incredibly close to my heart and something that's flipped my achievement autopilot on its head). She talks about having goals with soul, about taking the time to actually think about how you want to feel. I reflected back to when I started writing, I wanted to feel connected, passionate and honest. They were my 3 things and I achieved those.

Am I where I want to be with the message I have to share? No, not yet. I've realised that Mojo for Mummas is a work in progress. There is so much more to this than me sharing my story. And as I mentioned last week, I have been out there running workshops, yes with intimate numbers. However I believe this is the best way to deliver my message for now. Mums are comfortable in small groups, heartfelt conversations are had, discussions are started and Mums get the opportunity to open up and share a piece of their story in a safe, judgement-free place. That's what makes my heart sing. That's what success and achievement are for me. There's an online program, there's a workbook on the way - there is so much more to come, the book has been the tip of the iceberg. The beginning.

Therefore the achievement of writing and publishing has been the starting point, without that I have no where to go. Who knows I may only ever sell 3 copies or there may be 3 million mums out there who resonate with my message, if I give into ego now, I will never know what I am capable of. I choose to continue the journey, coming from my heart, showing my vulnerability and most of all allowing the "real" me to show up.

 This week I want to leave you to ponder over a few simple questions:,
* where in your life have you been on achievement autopilot recently?
* How are you feeling about that?
* What could you choose to focus on rather than the number-based outcome?

I'd love to see your comments. Have a sensational week!