Entering the World of Baby Wearing - Diary of a Second Time Mum

Until a few weeks ago, I had no idea what the term "baby wearing" meant. When a friend suggested I check it out after writing on here that Little Mister loved to be cuddled while he slept, the name conjured up all sorts of interesting images in my mind. Do you like go to the wardrobe in the morning and pick out which baby to put on for the day? Is it something conjured up by hippies? Sounds like it! (Note to self: research the origins when you have a spare moment or two!)

After discovering that baby wearing is the term given for carrying your baby/child in some form of carrier, be it structured or not, curiosity set in and I went in search online to find one. I had a carrier with Baby Number 1 and had used it a few times with Baby Number 2, but found it quite bulky and it just wasn't working for me. It was a structured one and quite a mean feat to get the baby in and out of. I absolutely couldn't get him out without waking him up!

I came across the Bubba Moe sling-type ones online and it caught my eye. I liked the look of it because it seemed to carry in the position that Little Mister loved to be held in. It was also a great price for my "babywearing" experiment. And after YouTubing the instructions, it looked pretty user friendly - something I could cope with when I am half asleep! After I won the bid, payment was made and I waited and waited and waited for it to be delivered. Three weeks later and it still hadn't arrived. So I got a refund and ordered another one.

Last week Bubba Moe sling number one finally turned up on my door step. Followed the next day by Bubba Moe sling number 2. The first couple of attempts to "wear" my baby were awkward to say the least. I am very grateful for online video tutorials on YouTube - talk about lifesaving! Anyhow, going with the theme of "if at first you don't succeed", I kept trying and found that Little Mister is now really loving it. He falls asleep in there within a few minutes of being held.

I am loving it because it frees my hands up to do other things while he's cat napping like a koala bear (is that even possible?). It's so easy to rock and jiggle him if he needs soothing or settling in this position. So I guess it's pretty safe to say that we've found ourselves a winner!

The Second Wife - Guest Post from Sonja Preston (The Parenting Cafe)

I want you to imagine for a moment… Your partner tells you that he is bringing home a new wife to live in the family home. He tells you how exciting it’s going to be, and how much he’s looking forward to her arrival. He says you’ll need to help this new wife, and to share your things – your clothes and your room with her, and that he wants you to love her too. He reminds you that you are still special, but that there will be another special one there too! How would you feel? Most of us would be in disbelief, enraged, and feeling like we weren’t loved enough, or that we weren’t special enough.
Yet, isn’t this what we often expect of child number one, when we announce that’s there’s a new baby joining the family? As adults we struggle with the whole concept of a 2^nd wife, yet we expect a 2/3/4 year old (with infinitely less mature social development) to understand, and ‘be nice’ to this new baby! It sounds unreasonable when expressed like that, doesn’t it? In some cases, the first few weeks may be a novelty for the first child, but then some reach a stage where they ask you to ‘send the baby back’!

So, what might a toddler or young child be feeling, when a new baby arrives:

• Lonely – you are busy with the baby, and the toddler is left ‘alone’ more frequently;
• Sad – that he doesn’t have your attention as much;
• Angry – that the baby takes so much of your time;
• Tired – if the baby cries a lot and disturbs his sleep;
• Unloved – he may interpret the time with baby as the baby is ‘better’ or more appealing than himself;
• Naughty – often parents expect a toddler to know that he has to be gentle with a baby, or to be quiet when baby is asleeep.

It’s quite normal for toddlers to find ways to get your attention away from the baby – they need to go to the potty when you are feeding the baby, or they play the noisy toys just as you are settling the baby down – the toddler is saying: ‘Notice me… I’m still here and I’m special too!’

So how can you help your toddler adjust?

• When the toddler comes to visit you (if you are in hospital), make the toddler the focus of attention – lots of kisses and cuddles, tell him how much you’ve missed him!
• Let the toddler ‘notice’ the new baby, rather than you make a fuss about the baby. The toddler may be more interested in you, than in the baby. Next to the baby, have a present from the baby, to the toddler – a book, a toy car, a puzzle.
• Ask relatives who visit you, to spend time with the toddler first, before focussing on the baby, and if appropriate, ask them to have a small gift for the toddler also – this reinforces that he is also special.
• Have both Mum and Dad spend time with the toddler each day, even a few minutes of playing time is beneficial. Apart from breastfeeding, Dad’s can do everything for the new baby, like Mums can – this then frees Mum up to spend some familiar play time with the toddler.
• While you are feeding the baby, read to your toddler, so he can snuggle in close too.

If he shows aggression towards the baby, use Emotion Coaching: ‘I know you are cranky because you want Mummy to play now, but that doesn’t mean you can push the baby.’ Stick to your boundaries, as that provide stability for them, even if they don’t like it at the time. The toddler may ‘regress’ a bit, in the belief that if he is babyish, that you will have more time for him too. They may want a bottle, or to talk ‘baby-talk’. Support them as they adjust to this big change in their life.

Children do eventually adjust – give them time, lots of cuddles, play-time with you, and lots of reminding of how much you love them, and how special they are.

– Image by Micah Sittig via Flickr

© Copyright 2014 - The Parenting Cafe

Sonja Preston has worked with over 500 families, assisting them with child development information, helping them manage the issues which can come up in parenting, strengthening their bonds with their children and all in a relaxed, fun environment. The information she shares is research based, so you know you are getting the best.

She has a strengths based approach, believing that parents are the best teachers for their children, and that her role is to support them with additional information, and lots of acknowledgement and praise for the great job which parents do. 

The Parenting Cafe offers free weekly articles, webinars and personal visits - focussed on child development information, tips for managing the issues which arise in parenting, and how to have fun and connection with your child. 

For more details see www.theparentingcafe.com.au

Sonja makes parenting easier and fun!

The Unwelcome Visitor - Diary of a Second Time Mum

Laying in bed last night after a hectic four or five days, I noticed a familiar tightness in my chest and then noticed my breathing was short, almost gasping. My body was tense and my muscles tight. It took me back to my "first time mother"days. As I lay there in this state, I realised that anxiety had begun to creep back into my life.

Over the past few days, I'd put a lot of pressure on myself to single-handedly  pull off a 5th Birthday Party for Little Miss Now 5 with all sorts of spanners thrown in my direction. Even though the party was a success, there were many obstacles that came up along the way. Starting with my partner having to work, my mum falling sick and not being able to make it on the day to help out, people turning up who hadn't rsvp'd (that really puts a well-planned pass the parcel into disarray!), siblings coming with their brothers/sisters that I hadn't been informed of (my inner control freak went into complete freak-out mode for a bit there!)

Reflecting now, I realise that I had set myself a huge task. I wanted this birthday to be a special one for Little Miss 5, except it nearly came at the cost of my sanity. With all the random acts of the universe being thrown into the mix, I felt challenged and yet took pride in overcoming these challenges as they arose. The whole experience though was tinged with a fear that had been quiet within for a long time. It's visit on Sunday was unexpected.

This re-birthed my fear of "not being good enough". I felt I was on show, that my mothering and organisational skills were being judged, that my cake decorating skills needed to reflect something out of a Dona Hay magazine. It was all about me. For awhile there I lost sight of why I was doing what I was doing...... it was all about my daughter, not all about me!

I learned a few valuable lessons going through this experience:

•  I am great at offering help to others. I am NOT great at asking for help or accepting offers of help. (Note to self - learn how to do more of this).
• I am prone to setting my expectations of myself too high 
• Practicing mindfulness and meditation is beneficial to my mental health and wellbeing (more on that in my next post!) 

The good news is that I survived. The great news is that I was able to recognise this pattern in my behaviour (allbeit after the event), I am now able to let go of that feeling of anxiousness and pull out the relaxation music and candles. The best news is that I will never again set myself an almost unachievable task without first seeking the help of others!!

Until next time,

Love

Shanelle

Picasso has Moved In - Diary of a Second Time Mum

Date: Sometime in the past few weeks (They're beginning to meld together now)

Dear Diary

It appears we have acquired ourselves a resident 4.9 year old Picasso. I thought we managed to skip this phase completely, but alas, Picasso made her move late into our house.

Recently we've found doodles and scribbles on her dolls, her table, the window sill (I may or may not have hit the roof about this being in our brand new house!) But the straw that broke the camels back and sent our household into disarray was the discovery of her drawing on the tv in the toyroom.

And probably what made all hell break loose was the fact that Dad discovered this latest piece of artwork. I came back into the house after hanging out some washing to find the tv unplugged on the dining room table and a sobbing child who wouldn't tell me what had happened.

After some careful coaxing, I managed to get out of her that she'd drawn on her tv and Dad had confiscated it. We then decided to put  a 2 week ban on tv watching of her shows on any of the household tv.

So far things are going well and she's hardly noticed the absence of Peppa Pig, Fairy Kingdom, Play School, or Sesame Street. And just quietly, my sanity is grateful for this break in ABC2. She's spending more time outside jumping on the trampoline, swinging on the swings and monkeying around on the monkey bars.

I am beginning to wonder if we could turn this into a permanent thing. I could really get used to it!

Until next we meet!

xxxx

My Letter to a New Mum - Guest Post by Michelle Lia from Mumma Bliss

You have just been on the biggest transformation of your life in your pregnancy, now you are a new mum – congratulations! It’s such an amazing journey. There will be times where you just want to cry, but the rewards outweigh the frustrations.  You will feel exhausted, emotional and you may even start to worry about returning to work. You may start feeling depressed or suffer from anxiety.  BUT there are so many rewards, the first smile, the first time they look at you. Ahhh I remember those first moments, like it was only yesterday, now my son is 6 years old.

The one thing I wish I did when I became a new mum was to enjoy every single moment. Being present in each and every moment is the biggest gift of all.  These moments, even though they sound frustrating and stressful, they are just moments in our life. Your baby will grow, and move onto the next stage and before you know it they are at big school and not wanting to cuddle their mummy in public.

Trust your intuition – don’t listen to friends or family who place judgements on the way you should be mothering. Listen to your heart and follow your intuition – it’s always right.

Don’t worry too much.  Remember everything will always work out.  You may start to worry that you are losing your identity of who you were before you became a mother. I know this all too well. I started lose myself as a new mum. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I knew I needed to do something to make a difference by helping mums and serving others – that’s why I created MummaBliss.

Take time out for yourself. Make sure you spend 10 minutes per day to yourself doing something that feels good for you. Self-care practices are important to make sure you nurture the nurturer. Check out Daily Self-care for all mums. By doing this, you will have more energy to be a loving mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend.  Don’t feel guilty for taking some time out to yourself – it’s important. Always put yourself first.  Be gentle on yourself. Practice a heart breathing and meditation on a daily basis:

Bring your awareness up to the centre of your chest – to your Heart – your chakra of self-development and unconditional love or also called Anahata. Gently breathe into your Heart, letting it soften and expand on your breath. Invite the colour green. Bathe your heart centre with nourishment, renewal, healing. Say the words “I am loved”. “I am love” “I allow myself to give and receive love freely”“I am nourished by the power of love”. Practice this everyday for 40 days and notice miracles flow into your life, especially more love and more love for yourself.

I recently created a Mummy Manifesto, which is everything I believe in to be a happy, present and mindful mum. Here’s some of the quotes from the Mummy Manifesto – pin it up on your fridge as a good reminder.  I would love to hear your thoughts on the Mummy Manifesto. I poured my heart and soul into this project. It is something that I am very passionate about and believe it is the secret to motherhood. 

Begin your day with gratitude and love

Set a daily intention

Trust your intuition

List 3 things to be grateful for before bed

Be patient

Connect with your body

Spend 10 mins per day on yourself

Michelle Lia is a maternity wellness coach, yoga teacher, motivational speaker and founder of MummaBliss. I help mums let go of fear, anxiety and stress by living in the moment, connected and radiantly happy with yoga, mediation and self-care practices.  Visit www.mummabliss.com. You can also follow MummaBliss on Facebook www.facebook.com/mummablissoz.

Diary of a Second Time Mum - I May Be Wearing Granny Undies, But There Are Times When A Girl Still Needs Her Mum

Day and time is a mystery at the moment! This occurred some time in the past couple of weeks .....

Dear Diary

Tonight is one night of the week I've come to dread and I know I shouldn't but it is what it is. It's one of the nights I'm flying solo as mother of 2. My back up plan is working the night shift, which means all responsibility lies with me!

The afternoon goes well but once 6pm rolls around it's a whole different kettle of rotting fish. The planets seem to collide, erupt and explode simultaneously without the fanfare one would expect from such a dramatic occurrence.

Tempers are short and frayed, tantrums are plentiful,  there's a screaming child involved (and it's not the baby!), instructions are given and ignored, things escalate and get out of hand faster than a dropped match in tinder dry grass. There's something about the witching hour where all reason goes out the window.

By this time of the day, I am tired from the almost constant feeding of Little Mister and I am looking forward to dinner, shower and bed. When I am on my own with the 2 cherubs, things don't go to this smooth plan!

Tonight I almost lost my shizz completely. It was dinner time and although I'd taken a quiche out earlier, it hadn't made it into the oven yet as we'd had visitors in the afternoon. So it's 6 o'clock, Little Mister has started his cluster feeding early tonight, Little Miss is hungry for her dinner and I tell her I will make it as soon as I can. I feed Little Mister one breast, put him down, quickly make a toasted chicken, cheese and BBQ sandwich for Little Miss to put some substance into her tummy and send her for a shower. I know the nutritionists would be tut-tutting at me, but hey, for tonight it gets the job done!

That's when the proverbial hit the fan. Several requests and attempts to get Little Miss into the shower whilst Little Mister is hanging off my other boob severely failed. My temper flared and soon my voice was raised. She's standing there with her hands on her hips telling me she could do what she wanted when she wanted.

This didn't fly with me at all. My inner Aries fired up more like a lion than a ram!

My ace card of calling Dad at work was thrown aside when she tried to snatch the phone out of my hand as I was dialling. This was the final straw! Shower and bed for you Little Miss!

Meanwhile on the inside I was having my own mini meltdown. The "bad mother" voice began to kick in, but I wasn't ready to give into it. I did what any girl in trouble does, I called my Mum.

Somehow having Mum on the other end of the phone while Little Miss stood in front of me and told me she wasn't going to bed yet allowed me some time to breathe. It got me out of the heat of the moment to realise that the war that was raging on in my house was not the be all and end all. There is life outside of this little pressurised bubble that had been growing by the minute ready to pop at any given second!

Eventually once she realised she no longer had my full attention, Little Miss conceded and went into her room to read.

And now, 2 hours later she's lying in bed singing "10 Green Bottles ever so sweetly while I'm here grateful that I didn't resort to swigging one of those green bottles.

Some days are diamonds and some days are stone.
Tomorrow is a new day and no matter how tough things get,
I'll never be on my own.

Let's hope our next meeting is under better pretenses!

Love to you

Shanelle

xxx