You've got to love how life's lessons, teach you that what you think you need is not really what you need after all. And if you don't learn the lesson the first time it's presented, you can bet your bottom dollar that the lesson will keep reappearing until you've learnt it good and proper!!
Yes, I am on the cryptic bus again. But allow me to explain. At the start of last year my partner and I sat down and had a discussion around bringing another child into our family. Was it something we wanted? Could we handle it? Would it be the best thing for our daughter? After many lengthy conversations, we decided that we would in fact "try" for another child. We would give ourselves until the end of the year. If we were pregnant by then great, if not, it wasn't meant to be and our family of 3 would surge forward on many more adventures.
Now the controlling side of me, definitely wanted another child. I thought about it constantly. And yet I became disappointed when my period arrived each month and I hadn't received the outcome I was expecting. I started to feel down about myself. Like I was good enough. Like I wasn't doing things "right". It was there constantly. Day and night. Consumed my thoughts.
A few months before our self-imposed deadline we were deep in conversation again one night. I revealed that the lack of a pregnancy had me feeling like a failure. And it was then that I had one of those enormous flash-of-bright-light epiphanies, that there was more to this whole thing than me and what I wanted. Just because I wanted something didn't mean I was going to get it. Just because I had chosen the outcome I had wanted, didn't mean that it would arrive on a silver platter. I realised, it was so NOT about me. It was bigger than me. So after that, I turned my thinking to when and if this happens.
I sorted and packed the items of baby clothing, furniture and the multitude of items one collects when they have a baby and put them up for sale. We were moving house and I decided that I didn't want to move all that stuff! Funnily enough I only sold a couple of things
The universe works in mysterious ways. A couple of weeks after all of this, I found out I was in fact pregnant and we would welcome another member into our family. Maybe this was always going to be the way that things would happen. Maybe not. I've chosen to believe that me letting go of the need to have so much control somehow shifted whatever it was that had been blocking my path.
When we hold on too tightly is when things seems to fall from our grasp. What are you holding onto too tightly right now that you could loosen your grip a little and focus your attention elsewhere?
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