The Blurry Lines Between Who I am and What I Do

Somewhere, somehow the lines between who I am and what I do have become tightly entangled and are in need of some unravelling. I came to this conclusion last week when I found myself in a position that required some help, but because I had the thought of "I am a Life Coach" stuck in my head, meant that I was reluctant to reach out and ask.

Yet another limiting belief has raised its ugly head. I thought because I do Life Coaching that I must have all my shit together. Ha ha ha!

Crazy right? I know! Just because we choose to do a certain profession doesn't make us any less likely of needing help or assistance in difficult or trying times. Consciously I know that I cannot possibly know all of the answers and if someone else had said the same thing to me, I would have thought their thinking was way off kilter.

So why then was it okay for me to think that it wasn't okay to ask for help? And that if I did ask for help I would be seen as less qualified than what I am? And that by asking for help I was showing my weaknesses and even worse yet, I was showing how vulnerable I really was? Man our minds really do have a lot to answer for at times!

The lesson I gleaned from all of this after hearing from an honest source that I couldn't very well coach myself out of this situation (I will admit I have been trying to ha ha!), was that we all need a little help some times. I know I have said this before, but I will say it again because it's apparent I haven't really gotten the lesson all the other times I've said it and maybe you didn't either, that's why it's reappearing.  Asking for help is a sign of strength , not a sign of weakness.

Knowing where to go for help and making sure it's from a reliable source is probably the biggest challenge. Personally I am aware of how much better I feel after asking for help and being on the receiving end of help. So I guess it's fair to say that there are times when even the helpers need help!

As much and all as I am passionate about Life Coaching, it's something I do, but it doesn't prevent me from having problems, issues and challenges on a daily basis. There are times when my coach training and experience can't get me out of the pickle I am currently in and another opinion is required, no matter how hard I try.

So I will surrender peacefully and gracefully and admit that I do need someone else's help on this one. That it's completely okay to admit this and ask for the help to get me through.

My only wish, is that you can do the same for you. If you're feeling stuck right now, caught up in a problem with your face pressed against the glass seeing what you want on the other side but don't know how to get there, just reach out. Ask for help. Ask the question. Ask for guidance. Trust me, you'll be so glad you did.

Week One - Done and Dusted

"All About Me August" has passed it's first week. I'm pleased to say that I have been making much more of a conscious effort to take care of myself first. It's a challenge though and a habit that's going to take some time to form. I just keep reminding myself that it's important to look after me so that I can give back to those who need me most.

Some of the things I have noticed over the past week include:

* My mood has been a lot more stable

* Giving to me feels good

* I am having so much fun remember what I enjoy doing and making sure I do them

* I am learning to appreciate the little things (it's amazing what 5 minutes sitting on the grass in fresh air and sunshine can do for you)

* Things really can wait and the world won't end if I don't respond straight away (emails don't self destruct if you read them and then don't action them)

* My hiatus from Facebook was more of a challenge that I had anticipated (I think I lasted 2 days before I was back on there. I will post more about this in the coming days)

* Playing beautiful mantras is soothing for the soul

* I had forgotten how much I love reading and holding a physical book, not an electronic device

* I feel so much better when I feel my body nourishing foods, move it and talk to myself nicely

* I've been compelled to declutter, my bathroom has been cleaned (a post is in the pipeline on that, watch this space!)

What's not working so well?

* The tendency to strive is still quite strong. I am constantly reminding myself to be present in the moment, to be happy where I am at.

* Giving myself a break, knowing that this is a process and not a quick fix

* Being hard on myself when I can't fit everything into my days (I am learning to say no, so this is a work in progress)

How are you going? What have you noticed? What's working for you? What's not working so well that you are going to change up this week? I'd love to hear how you're finding the journey. Leave me a comment of feel free to shoot me an email shanelle@connectioncaoching.com.au

Day 3 - How Did I Even End Up Here?

It's no secret that I suffered PND with my first-born. I was feeling quite proud to have become a second-time mum and seemingly kept my mental health intact. Or did I?

Recently things have been creeping back into my life that started to trigger off some warning lights.
* Teary at the drop of a hat
* Going from calm to angry in 3.0 seconds flat
* Feeling blah a lot of the time
* Overly emotional
* Saying yes to everyone and everything else and leaving me til last
* Generally feeling completely out of whack

Knowing what I know and having travelled the road I've travelled, these are cues that things are not the way that they need to be for me to function properly in my day-to-day life. Now that's a scary thing to admit.

Truth be told, it doesn't matter who you are or what you do, taking care of one's mental health is one of the most imperative parts of looking after yourself. Knowing when things aren't right and knowing when to ask for help is daunting, yet important to put steps into place to get life back on track to being some form of  "normalacy" (whatever that may be for you).

These feelings have prompted me to start "All About Me August". During the month I am makingsure to take care of myself first so that I am more able to give to those who need me. Yes it's a challenge, but I am confident that by the end of the month a new habit of self-care will have been formed.

I would encourage you to take stock of where you're at at the moment. How is your mental health really? If you're feeling out of whack and things just aren't right, it doesn't hurt to have a chat with your GP. Beyond Blue have some great resources on their website. And remember, Lifeline is a phone call away if you need to chat with someone.

Day 1 of "All About Me August"

I feel compelled to share my progress of Day 1 of "All About Me August". I'm not sure if this will become a regular thing or not, let's just see where the wind takes us.

I'm pleased to report that Day 1 went pretty well and was actually a smoother transition than what I had an anticipated.

The exciting thing was that I managed to get a head start on Friday night. Once the kids were tucked into bed, I pulled out "Eat, Pray, Love" and started to read it again, with some jazz playing away in the background. Absolute bliss. So simple. So easy and yet something I NEVER do for myself. It was a beautiful way to end the day.

My wake up call came at the regular 6.30am with the sounds of Mr 1 babbling away in his cot. Instead of getting out of bed and going straight to him, I took my time,  had a shower and dressed for the day (something I NEVER usually do). It felt great to have already done something so simple for myself to start the day, that I wasn't bothered by the fact that it was Saturday and I was up already.

Progress on the disconnection from social media is going fairly well. While I will admit I wasn't able to stay off the whole day, I did check in a couple of times to see what was happening in the world. However, I didn't feel drawn in to be on there aimlessly or like a billion things other people had posted. Let's see what Day 2 brings on that front.

Now I'm not sure if this is pure coincidence or not, but I found I was able to do more during the day because I felt I had already done something for myself. We had a pretty busy day with a birthday party and a few other jobs to do. The kids and I spent time together washing the car, going for a walk and getting dinner ready. It was lovely to have that time and to enjoy doing something with them.

My other commitment to myself this month is to stop striving; to stop pushing myself to do things that aren't ready to take shape yet, to stop wanting more than what I have now, to stop coming up with ideas and to stop saying "yes" to everyone else before I've really checked in with me to see if it's something worth my while. This is what I am finding challenging. My brain is so used to constantly going, seeking, searching, looking for possibilities, it's a struggle to be in the moment. Perhaps tomorrow I can start some meditation, perhaps that will help me to learn to be in the moment.

I totally understand that this is the first day of a 31-day month and anything is likely to happen over the coming days. Starting is starting and progress is progress, no matter how small. As part of my preparation for the month,  I sat down and wrote a list of things I like to do that make me feel good. I will refer back to this during the times I need to be guided in the right direction.

Will you be joining me on this quest to make August "All About You?" What things make you feel good? What challenges have you come across?

Until next time I feel the need to share this journey with you.
Sending love xxxxx
S

Making August All About Me

It's recently come to my attention that I've fallen back into the habit of putting everyone else's needs ahead of mine and have begun to pay a price for that oversight. Sometimes patterns keep occurring in our lives until we finally get the lesson from them.

As someone who preaches to my clients constantly about the importance of self care and looking after
oneself, recent events have come to light that I have not in fact been practicing that which I preach. So instead of beating myself up about it, I've decided that for the month of August, I am going to commit to getting myself back on track.

Back on track with exercise, eating better, taking time to meditate, taking time to write, taking time to really connect with my kids,  laughing, having fun, being spontaneous, taking a bath, walking on the beach, cooking and trying new recipes - all of the little things that cost next to nothing yet are so vital to my existence and quality of life.

In order to make sure I have time for these things, I am going to be taking a break from social media. I will pop in every now and then, but it won't sit open all day on my computer. I am going to invest this previously unproductive time into writing blog posts, as that's something I really love to do, yet always run out of time.

I am also going to wake up 20 - 30 minutes earlier in the morning to take some time to meditate and be grateful for all that I have and all I have been blessed with in this life.

Each day I will aim to do at least 1 thing just for me. It may only be for a few minutes, but at least I will have invested in my own wellbeing, fuelled up the tank and have the ability to get through the day.

There are also some things that I am going to let go of and stop doing.
* Stop striving and just be in the moment
* Stop worrying (it probably will never happen anyway)
* Stop trying to make everyone else happy at the expense of my own wellbeing

So here it is, my declaration of "doing". You can hold me to account and I will check in throughout the month to let you know how I'm going.

I'd love it if you'd like to join me  on this little venture. Comment below if you're in on this with me or feel free to email me at shanelle@connectioncoaching.com.au if you'd like to chat more about this.

Why You Need to Keep Going When You Feel Like Throwing in the Towel

How many times do you get back up after you've been pummeled and fallen to the ground yet again? How many times do you come back swinging after you've had your back to the wall?

How many times do you whisper to yourself "Just one more time. What if it works this time?

As many as it takes for you to get where you are going!

When your dream and your vision are strong enough, they are worth fighting for. They are worth getting back up and getting back in the ring. Although success is plastered in our faces everywhere as being so simple and easy to obtain, I'll give you the mail that it's not.

Good old fashioned success comes from a hell of a lot of blood sweat and tears, setbacks, challenges and more failed attempts than one can imagine.

When times are tough and you're feeling down on your luck, remember why you started, remember the fire in your belly, the passion that burns for your dreams and your desires. Remember what it is you're working towards and what it will mean for you to finally arrive at your destination.

Success doesn't always show up on your doorstep in the form of a singing telegram, quite often it's quiet, simple victories - an email, a comment, helping someone else achieve their dreams. It arrives unexpectedly and often not from the source you'd expected it to be from. Success whispers in the small tasks you achieve each day with daily, deliberate action.

So if you're feeling down on your luck today and ready to throw the towel in, I encourage  you to take a deep breath, remember why you started. Remember that tomorrow is a brand new day and a wonderful opportunity to begin again. Rest now if you need to. Wake up tomorrow with fresh eyes for a fresh start.

Getting Rid of the Box!

Those who know me well would know that for sometime I've had a real issue with how we are constantly being marketed to, pressured into buying things that we don't really need, and how ridiculously some programs and packages are priced. I also have an issue with the way these so-called professionals portray themselves on social media only to find out they're not like that at all in real life.

I am someone who loves what I do. I get a real kick out of helping people learn more about themselves and find that there is another way for them. To see them growing and achieving what they want in life - what kind of price do you put on that? I've come to the conclusion that I can't.

Yes I am going against everything any marketing guru has ever told me, yes this may be about my own deep-seated issues with money. I know my worth, I know how valuable my skills are and I know what I should be charging. Yet I can't sit back any longer and watch the very people who need help be denied it because there's not enough money left at the end of the week to afford such luxuries.

There are so many Mums out there who constantly put the needs of their children and family first, who have very little disposable income leftover to participate in the much-needed self care we are meant to be doing for ourselves.

A couple of months back I was sitting at my desk attempting to get some work done while my little boy pulled at my legs from underneath the desk to get my attention. I had a fleeting thought of "wouldn't it be nice to have someone take care of him for a couple of hours here and there".

As the universe would have it, a few days later there was a message in my inbox asking me if I would consider service swapping some coaching in exchange for some childcare. Of course my response was "hell yes!"

It's been a wonderful agreement. We each get something out of this partnership - and it has absolutely nothing to do with money. I believe that my friend is onto a wonderful idea and this is a concept that has the potential to change the way we do things. So I am doing things a little differently from here on in.

If you want to engage me as a coach and can afford to pay cash - cool. There's no need for you to read any further.

If you are someone who has thought of engaging me as a coach but thought that you can't afford to, then I encourage you to think about what you can bring to the table in exchange. What skills/services/qualities/attributes do you have that are "swappable"?

Personally, I'd love to engage the services of a cleaner, hairdresser, massage therapist, beautician, gardener, pool maintenance person, web designer, VA .... the list goes on and I am open to suggestions.

It's time to rid ourselves of the shackles created by our financial situations. Time to do things a little differently. As Mums, we have the power to make these changes. How good does it feel when you do something for someone else?

I'd love to hear from you if you would like to work together. Email me at shanelle@connectioncoaching.com.au or check out my Facebook page

NB. Since I wrote this article, my good friend has created a Facebook Group for those in our local area. Head on over to check it out and join us!

Inspiration Waits for No Woman

That moment when your creative muse comes to visit, is the moment you must embrace its presence. You will never have this moment of opportunity again and you may not recall your creative idea unless you let it flow when it's there to flow.

When your muse visits, it's time to stop what you're doing and let it unleash. Let it flow. Let it pulsate and make it's way from your brain to paper.

Engage it. Embrace it. Let the words spew and unfold as only they know how. This time may not come again.

It beckons for you to stop what you are doing at that precise moment and to focus on it. To welcome it with open arms. To allow the circle of creativity to spin as an idea germinates, sprouts and blossoms from within. There are no boundaries here. Let it out and watch as it unfolds.

Allow yourself to be lost in the moment as your muse visits. For the visit may be brief and momentary. Uncertainty surrounds when it will visit again. It doesn't make appointments, rather it shows up unannounced. Let it come in and show you its wares. Let it show you things and ideas you hadn't even thought of before. Let it open new pathways, doorways and highways you've not dared to explore. Allow the flow to flow.

A Moment of Creative Inspiration Captured

The Journey

This journey is mine
And it's mine alone
Your journey is yours
And it's yours alone.

There are times where
Our paths will intertwine 
While there are others
We'll leave each other behind.


Ebbing and flowing
On our quests through this life
Doing what's right for us
Perfect in that time.

Know in your heart
The connection we share
No matter what happens
I'll always be there.

Sometimes I hold my hand out
To see if you still care
Then I gently remind myself
This is not a time we'll share.

This journey is mine
And it's mine alone
This is a journey
I must travel on my own.

The Juggle Continued .....

After hitting publish on my last post, I realised there some other things I want to shed some light on, yet failed to. I think they warrant an additional post to explore a little further, after all this juggling thing is multi-faceted.

No amount of scheduling, planning or discipline seems to abate the "Mum guilt". It's always there hanging out in the background. I have learned that just because it's there, doesn't mean it needs to be paid any attention. Quite often a simple acknowledgement of its presence is enough to keep it at bay.

I have come to love the variety each day brings. This is a pretty big thing for someone who has always needed certainty and comfort to feel safe in this world. Perhaps it's because I am experiencing variety in the comforts of my own environment, otherwise I may be penning a different story.

I love the freedom of making my own rules and deciding how I will spend my time, rather than being dictated to by a clock. Something I was reading the other day, indicated that there's a massive shift away from the traditional format of office work and a rising trend of flexible, own businesses, working from home. It's about time the rest of the world caught onto reality.

Spending time with my kids is one of the greatest gifts I've experienced. Simply just being available to listen, to talk, to play, to cuddle, to laugh, to comfort is a whole new concept and a wonderful gift to be cherished each day. I see just how far I've come this time around, how different things are. I've realised that a mother grows into her role just as her children grow into each size of clothing.

Please do not look at me and think that I am a Super Mum. I am not. I am simply someone who has a passion for more than one thing and have been fortunate enough to work out a way to do it all. And most importantly in my own space and time. While may bank balance may not indicate the wealth I have around me, my life is full of abundance and richness across the board. I do not want for anything. All my needs are met. And for me, that is happiness, bliss and achievement all rolled into one.

If you are looking for a way out, a way to escape, a way to create your own reality then start day dreaming. Start writing down your deepest desires and wishes (I'm well aware this may seem awfully airy fairy, but if you don't know what you want in life, how will you know when it shows up on your doorstep?) Dream and dream big. Dream vividly and in full colour. Start thinking "what if?"

When you know what you want in life, the universe has a funny way of conspiring to make it happen. How would you love to spend your days?

The Work From Home Juggle

The end of May marked the end of 12 months maternity leave. It also marked me committing to working from home permanently. I left the tenures of my "permanent" employment status and my payroll details now have casual lodged beside them.

In some ways this was very freeing and in others very freaking scary. For the first time in a very long time, I have backed myself knowing that I am good enough at what I do to be able to support working solely from home ..... on one of my passions.

For those of you who have been following and reading my story for a while now, you'll be aware that I have a few things I am passionate about in this life. Committing to casual home user in my travel agent role has allowed for a lot more freedom and flexibility in other areas, allowing space and time to pursue those passions.

It also means that I am well aware of the struggle of the juggle that happens each day. Being at home in my environment is warm, cosy and comfortable, not to mention full of distractions. I can go to the fridge whenever I choose, make a coffee, switch on trashy tv or put on an audio book at my leisure. The world is totally my oyster!

It also means that I am well aware of when the house is dirty, the washing is piling up and dinner needs to be prepared. I have an almost-walking just shy of one-year old heartbreaker who is still very much dependent on me for all his needs and a Little Miss Prep who needs to be ferried here and ferried there. Plus I have my other desires pulling at my heart strings for me to pay more attention to them. My hands are always full, quite often overflowing!

So how do I do it I hear you ask? Most of the time.... not so well. Some days it works and some days it doesn't. Some days I can plough through my to do list and have my tasks completed by lunch time. Other days I barely get to touch the list. And I'm getting cool with accepting that.

What have I learned?
Flexibility is the key - nothing ever goes to plan. One email can change my whole day. I do what I can when I can.

Doing what I can when I can - I make the most of moments as they appear. If bub is sleeping, I am in work mode. If bub is awake, I am in Mum-mode including him in what I am doing.

Being kind to myself - the thing with working at home on your own is that there's a lack of cheer squad there to give you a pat on the back or a pick me up on the days you need it. If you can get it done that day, great. If not, it can wait, The world isn't going to end if it's not completed today.

Being in the moment - wherever I am in my day and whatever I am doing, I am wholeheartedly making an effort to be "ALL" there. My attention totally focussed on that task at that moment. Yesterday has been and tomorrow will come. Here and now is what matters most!

Each day is an opportunity to begin again - just because I tried something yesterday and it didn't work doesn't mean I can't try again today or attempt to adapt my strategy. It's important to change things up to avoid falling in a rut, Fresh air and sunshine cure EVERYTHING!

If one way doesn't work, try another -  a favourite quote of mine is "5 +4 =9. So does 6 +3." Different methods, same results.  There's always another option, an alternative, a different choice. Embrace flexibility!

So there you have it, from one mother to another. Do you work from home? How do you manage the struggle with the juggle?