Happiness..... it's an inside job

How often have you said to yourself, "I will be happy when  I have ...(insert random shiny object and/or event here) ? How often have you acquired the random shiny object and/or event and still felt a sense of  emptiness, unaccomplishment, disconnect? The so-called happiness you were expecting, just didn't arrive? Oh and according to the Buddhists, having an expectation is the definition of sufferring.

I know it sounds cliched, but I will say it again - "Happiness is a journey, not a destination", "Happiness is a way of life". I used to think it was all a big fat cliche too. Then a few things started to change. A big shift occurred in my life and my way of thinking when I was taught and realised, that we are 100% responsible for what happens in our life, that emotions are a choice, something that we do, not something that happens to us. Wow, what a steep learning curve that was. That's a whole blog post in itself!

You mean to say that I could no longer blame anyone else except me for not being happy? That I was solely responsible for the misery I was experiencing? That I was actually choosing drama and depression over peace and love? That the lack of love I felt in my relationship had to do with me? No way, it couldn't be so. It was all him, it couldn't be me!

The change wasn't instant, it was a process that took time and is still something I am working towards each and every day. Today, I wanted to take some time to share with you some of the things that I have begun to do that have helped me to change my perspective of happiness and it's source.

One of the first things is to get grateful for the things you do have. Remember a couple of posts ago, we discussed "where focus goes, energy flows?" So if we're focussing on being grateful for things in our lives, what do you think is going to start showing up? Yes, that's right  - good things, positive things. The best way that I have found to help with this is to keep a gratitude journal to write down what you're grateful for each day.

Just to digress for a moment, my journal used to be the source of negativity in my life. Anything bad that happened, guess where it got written? Yep, in my journal. Guess how I was always feeling when I wrote in my journal? Sad, angry, depressed, unloved..... the list of negativity goes on.  So I decided to change that. I went out and bought myself a beautiful new journal, which now has its own new rules. I am only allowed to write good stuff, positive stuff, happy stuff. Guess what I do now when I am feeling low, sad or blue - I go to my gratitude journal and read of the things that I am grateful for. And knowing that I am responsible for how I am feeling and that I have chosen a particular emotion, those "negative' feelings are showing up less often and for shorter periods of time.

The other thing that's had a huge impact, is making sure that I am taking time out each day to do something for myself to add to my "feeling great" bank. This could be something as simple as enjoying a cup of tea in bed, reading, going for a walk, writing, playing with my daughter, cooking. Notice that there is more than one source of activity that I can do to contribute towards generate feeling good?

The more activites that you can do in your day, no matter how small, will create a domino effect. Over time you will become more grateful and more aware of the wonderful things that you already have, and begin to choose to be happy, to come from a place of love and gratitude rather than expectation, blame and lack. Take it from someone who's been there - this is a journey well worth investing in.