Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Isn't it funny how a conversation with someone can spark a flood of thoughts, insightful internal dialogue and a thousand lightbulbs flicking on all at the same time? Surely I'm not alone here? Or perhaps it's time to find some new friends to have meaningful and honest conversations with?

Chatting with a friend about strong women and how I've always held them on a pedestal and almost worshipped them in admiration and adoration for their strength. Often mesmerised like a child is drawn into the light from a burning candle, these beautiful creatures full of strength and passion. I said to her growing up I didn't have any role models of feminine strength - where it's okay to have an opinion, to voice it and to really stand up for oneself. Then I retracted the comment. I did.

My mother is strong minded, strong willed and opinionated, as is my grandmother. Thinking about it now, it was an unresourceful strength I was used to. Their strength was not for the purpose of raising others and uplifting them, quite the opposite in fact. Their strength was to give them power and breathe fear into the other person. I say this with love and the knowledge that they didn't know better at the time. This blog is not about tearing others down. This was merely an observation for me.

Growing up I was afraid of this kind of strength. It scared me. I ran the other way when it came to standing up for myself, often allowing other people to walk over me and take advantage of my caring and giving nature. On the pain/pleasure scale, strength was symbolic of pain for me. I learned to hang out in the corner, keeping my opinions, thoughts, feelings bottled up inside. It was easier that way. I hold the record in conflict-avoidance! Secretly, I wanted to put myself out there and speak my mind.

Anyhow, back to the conversation I was having. My friend reminded me that I am enough as I am and I already have all the strength I need. I am whole and complete. This then reminded me that in order to see something in someone else, it first must exist within us. It was a real eye-opener to think the thing that I had been chasing after, I already had. Who else is looking outwards for what they desire instead of inwards first of all?

At the core of my being is strength, courage and tenacity. There have been times in my life where I've been put into situations where these qualities have shown up exactly when I needed them to. Like during a conversation with my ex-fiance' and him telling me he wanted a break 3 months out from our wedding and that break meant that he could see and sleep with other women. I stood up and told him that if that's what he wanted to do, there would be no way I could marry him in 3 months or ever! This happened in another country where I was away from family and friends. But I survived. I got through it. I tapped into my bubbling brook of strength and got through that tough time. This is one example, I could think of plenty more.

After my conversation and this one particular memory, I've really been digging deep and exploring this one. It seems to be a significant discovery for me. Right now I feel strong, and solid. I know who I am and what mark I want to leave on this world. I can have strength and still have a mushy heart, full of love, warmth and connection for others. You know what? Those strong women whom I've long admired, have moments of mushiness to. Moments of softness, of connection, of warmth, of setbacks, yet they still carry on. It's a shame that we don't always get to see this.

This week I'd like to encourage you to think about what it is you're chasing in life right now, that perhaps you think exists outside of you and to take some time to reflect inwardly to see where you already have this. Because it is in there, you just need to know that and be certain in the knowledge and personal power that can bring you.

Is It Me Or Are We Stuck on Achievement Autopilot?

Standing at the sink doing the dishes this morning, I was having a fantastic reflective conversation with the voices in my head (yes, this is fairly "normal"for me :)) I was thinking about my achievement of having published my first e-book, as I wrote about last week, and I noticed a tug of disappointment or heaviness, almost dread around that. Have you ever felt that after accomplishing something really big?

As I explored this a little deeper, it got me thinking - our society is so driven on the number-based outcome of so many situations rather than placing any focus or importance on who we are or how we're feeling whilst we're in the process of doing. So much focus gets placed on the end result, not the journey or the learnings that occurred along the way. We become drones of doing, factory workers lined up in the production line rather than choosing the way we want to feel or who we want to be in the process of "doing".

For me, this realisation came the other day when I was chatting with a friend and she asked me how many books I'd sold. I hung my head as I said "3". There and then I felt disappointed. Ego stepped in and overpowered the feelings and the journey I'd been on. I allowed ego to undermine my achievement. I was focussing on the number-driven result, the end of the production line.

While there at the sink this morning with my hands immersed in the warm soapy water, listening to the rain as it pelted down gently on the tin roof, I had a lightbulb moment - I didn't write the book for the purpose of selling millions of copies. I didn't set myself a set of KPI's to achieve or to show that my book writing was a success. My book didn't come off some production line. It came purely from my heart, my passion and my personal experience.

I wrote the book because I felt that I had a story to share, a story that may help others, a message that will resonate with a select few and not huge throngs of people and I'm cool with that. My intention for writing  was to allow other mums who may be struggling to realise that they're not alone, that things do get better and to share this passion on paper.

Then I got to thinking about Danielle La Porte's "The Desire Map" (a book and program incredibly close to my heart and something that's flipped my achievement autopilot on its head). She talks about having goals with soul, about taking the time to actually think about how you want to feel. I reflected back to when I started writing, I wanted to feel connected, passionate and honest. They were my 3 things and I achieved those.

Am I where I want to be with the message I have to share? No, not yet. I've realised that Mojo for Mummas is a work in progress. There is so much more to this than me sharing my story. And as I mentioned last week, I have been out there running workshops, yes with intimate numbers. However I believe this is the best way to deliver my message for now. Mums are comfortable in small groups, heartfelt conversations are had, discussions are started and Mums get the opportunity to open up and share a piece of their story in a safe, judgement-free place. That's what makes my heart sing. That's what success and achievement are for me. There's an online program, there's a workbook on the way - there is so much more to come, the book has been the tip of the iceberg. The beginning.

Therefore the achievement of writing and publishing has been the starting point, without that I have no where to go. Who knows I may only ever sell 3 copies or there may be 3 million mums out there who resonate with my message, if I give into ego now, I will never know what I am capable of. I choose to continue the journey, coming from my heart, showing my vulnerability and most of all allowing the "real" me to show up.

 This week I want to leave you to ponder over a few simple questions:,
* where in your life have you been on achievement autopilot recently?
* How are you feeling about that?
* What could you choose to focus on rather than the number-based outcome?

I'd love to see your comments. Have a sensational week!

Dreams turned into Reality

I've been a bit quiet on the blogging front lately. This is largely due to the fact that I've been busy working away at my first e-book "Mojo for Mummas", which I am proud to announce was published through amazon.com late last week.

http://www.amazon.com/Mojo-Mummas-Cracking-motherhood-peppered-ebook/dp/B00IZ5QU5G/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1395102781&sr=8-1&keywords=mojo+for+mummas

 I've been delivering "Mojo for Mumma's" Workshops to Mums in my local community and have developed a program around it that will go online. With the impending arrival of baby number 2 in June, I want to be sure people have a way to access what I've created whilst I am re-learning the ins and outs of having a newborn.

It's long been a dream of mine to write. As a child I loved writing stories and reading was a passion. Somewhere along the line, I lost sight of that dream; until late last year when I really reconnected with myself writing those 10 successive blog posts about my motherhood journey. Then I realised I had a story to share with the world. My story. My truth. One that no one else had experienced, but perhaps others would benefit from reading about and maybe save themselves some heartache.

Writing those posts reignited my passion for sharing a piece of me through the written word.  When I sat down to write my ebook, it just flowed. Everything I needed was there already within me. It was my story. Words flowed out of my brain and onto the pages in front of me. The writing process came easily and effortlessly, despite months of wondering what to write, how I should write and what others would think of my writing.

The lesson I learned from this experience, is that you are ready now. You do not need to wait to get "good enough". You do not need to invest money in bettering yourself. The learning comes from the doing. You can't prepare for a marathon by sitting on the couch reading books about preparing for a marathon.

One must take action. Daily. Deliberate. Action. One step in front of the other. Picking yourself up when you fall down. Choosing another path when the one you're on isn't getting you the outcome you like. Consistency. Having a circle of friends you can turn to on the days you don't think you're going to make it. Being responsible. Committed. Dedicated. Seeing the end result before it's arrived. But most of all ... ACTION will get you there.